I know it's wicked, but I'm basically wishing these years away

[CanIRetireYet]

I have 2 DC, one in primary and another toddler. I work part time in a very stressful job.

I am not enjoying this bit of my life in the slightest. I was thinking the other day about how many days I have probably enjoyed since becoming a parent and I could think of 3 (with holidays, Christmases and birthdays being the worst of all).

I can't bear the lack of sleep, the constant cooking & cleaning, watching my earnings going nowhere, someone always needing me, the utter mind-numbing boredom of childrens' games and books, feeling my once quick and clever mind turning to porridge. Looking in the mirror and seeing a bright young woman has been replaced by a frowning mousey figure with stained clothes. My body is so tired from fetching and carrying all the time. The constant going up and down the stairs...

I am basically living in hope for the day when my kids are old enough to occupy themselves a little, maybe sleep through most nights, perhaps even make their own drinks and snacks.

I know it is terrible but I am basically wishing these years over and hoping that I emerge from this dark tunnel with some energy remaining.

I think perhaps I'm not supposed to be a parent and now it's too late. People say "Yes, but then you see their little smiles and it's all worth it" and I just think, no, no that really doesn't ring a bell with me at all.

Is it just me? I have had depression in the past but this feels different.

I mean it was a joke that she didn't have children.

Working9while5 I APOLOGISE TO YOU,UNRESERVEDLY.

In what way was it a joke?

Or was it funny in the same way that saying only stupid women enjoy looking after children is funny?

I hated the toddler years, I still cannot summon up any joy or enthusiasm for any 18 months old, unless they are asleep. I much prefer DD at 7...I love babies though!

Seeker THE ONLY PERSON WHO SAID THAT WAS YOU.

Clearly you are not going to let this drop but I'm not going to allow you to attribute words to me which I did not utter.

I have already said that I don't think all women who enjoy being with their children are stupid HOWEVER, I DO THINK THAT WOMEN WHO CAN'T ACCEPT THAT I HAVEN'T SAID IT ARE .

howdidthishappen I know how you feel - been there - IT WILL PASS. Soon you're oldest will be going to school and you'll notice a big difference - I promise you - and then you'll be opening the wine at 2.45 instead of waiting until 6.00, so you'll be a lot happier all round.

fair point about work and daily life outside kids (traffic etc.) often being boring as well.

I found a lot of the early stages with my two hard work, and often quite boring, partly because we had just emigrated and I lived with the kiddies in a big city and din't know anyone there.

BUT....If I am honest, I have also found my office jobs very boring at times, and also my studies, and going back to a-levels....boring.

These days, I am rarely bored though. I don't know if it is a kind of wisdom that comes with experience and age, or some divine inspiration ( ), but I seem to COPE with boredom so much better now.

I have got very good at striking up conversations with strangers, at enjoying all the little things, like coming in from the cold and having a nice cup of tea. Like being there at the end of the school day and seeing the DC faces happy to see me, at the fact that my parents are well, and that I have found new friends and managed to stay in touch with old friends.

That I live in a country where people are friendly, where schools and healthcare are free, and where I can drink the water from the tap (having lived in third world countries for 8 years, panic about babies drinking their bath water, crime, heat etc.), I really genuinely appreciate these things every single day.

I hope to continue this "living in the moment" wisdom well into old age, and wish the same to all on this thread!

off to have a nice bowl of soup now

...sorry, was this sickening? Just want to tell OP that things will change, they did for me anyway.

Chandon - really enjoyed your post, it's not that I don't appreciate the little things but you have reminded me of what I need to be appreciative of

Lovely post Chandon :)

""IMO, GENERALLY women who think it's fun to be with their DC in the early years, are not highly- intelligent."

Your own words, Georgeousx. Or were they a"joke' too?

ssd I too laughed at that. Mine were dreadful sleepers - thank goodness it's all over - now it's the opposite - I have to nag the not-so-little darlings to get out of bed at weekends, and the ironic thing is that now that I can lie in, I don't want to.

seeker you really are getting rather tiresome now. Yes, they are my words. No, that was not a joke. I meant every word.

Where in that sentence does it say "I think women who enjoy being with their DCs are stupid" ?

To be honest, Seeker, I feel bad about replying to you because I honestly do think you're a few short of a full deck.

gorg, I'm jealous! my eldest is at high school and I'm still waiting for him to lie in at the weekend, his dbis up early too!

dbrother!

georgeousx - i think it might have been where you say that women who enjoy being with their dcs in the early years are not highly intelligent. OHHHH, so what you are saying is that they can be intelligent - but not highly intelligent!!!! I understand! So what's the IQ cut off?

Tiresome I may be, but I see no reason why I should let you get away with such offensive, ill thought out, anti feminist bullshit

Seeker LOL! In your world are women either stupid or highly-intelligent?

Good post Chandon

Life in general is a a drudge day in day out, but you do have to seek out the good things.
I went for a run this morning after I dropped DSs at school and was just grateful that at nearly 40 I am fit enough to do so. ( a coleague has recently passed away at 40)

I found the baby yrs hard and stressful. Recently watched some old home movies of DSs as toddlers.......and they were so cute and fun and I really miss it now they are 7 and 10.

OP - am sorry you feel so low, it may pass but I think you need to change a few things, maybe including your outlook on things.

Out of curiosity, how do you define 'highly intelligent', GX? Also define 'spending time' and 'early years'? Do you have evidence to back up that assertion or is it just your feeling?

I just came on here to share my opinion and to offer support to OP. I didn't realise it would be akin to the Spanish Inquisition and that every opinion had to be evidence-based.

I am flattered that you and others are so intrigued by my viewpoint that you seek it's analytical justification; I'm sorry to disappoint you - my views are simply based on experience and observation, as indeed I suspect are yours.

But if you say offensive things you should expect to be challenged on them.

Seeker Absolutely Right! When I say something offensive, please feel free to challenge me.

"so to anyone who thinks they have all the answers re babies/toddlers and sleep/behaviour, think twice, because sometimes your words come back to bite you on the arse"

Thank you very much ssd for the warning. I really hope I don't get bitten on the arse by some of my words.

Do you GENUINELY not see that suggesting that women who enjoys being with their small children are less intelligent than thouse that son't is offensive? Really?

I assume you loved every second of your time with your small children, then?

oh you will bibbity, you will

(we all do!)

I'm waiting with interest to read bbhat's and others magic solution to children that wake at night. A swift clout on the head? Vodka in their bedtime milk? Because I tried every thing else and my 6 year old still wakes sometimes and my 2 year old most nights. Maybe the nanny gets up for bbhat instead?