Is it all worthwhile??

[noniks]

Hi all
40 yrs old, no kids and never been interested,
however the body clock is ticking louder and I am becoming uneasy about what to do with my future.
Have great life, job, hubby, home and lovely family with godchildren galore.
Something is missing though....and it may be a child,I feel like I have a void in my life.

Thing is that I hear so many great things abou parenting, and everyone says I'd be a natural...but then so many other things about how hard it is, and how you sacrifice so much.....and life is never ever the same

I genuinely don't know what to do....I need honest experienced answers please, please, please.....am tying myself in knots..(sad)

By the time I had my DD (now 2.4 years) when I was 38, I had already had a full and varied life filled with lots of travel, eating out, going to the theatre and movies, long lie ins in the weekends, fulfulling career... I was never maternal but had a child at 38 after I married DH at 37 and... my life is still filled with all of the above just scaled back a little more. Having two sets of grandparents who travel 100s of miles to spend time regularly with DD has meant DH and I can still go on exotic holidays and movies and theatre but obviously everything has scaled back now. DD is with an excellent childminder so I still have my career. And during the weekends we go out to museums and galleries and shopping and to restaurants (for lunch) with DD.

I'm 40 now and feel I've not missed out at all: I've had a terrific childfree life and now, in my middle years, I'm having a fantastic family life. At the end of my life I hope I can truly say that I've had a full and rich life.

Oh, and the stuff they say about loving your child? Oh my goodness, NOTHING in my life has prepared me for the LOVE I feel for my daughter. It's incredible and life-transforming and I really can never wait to pick her up from childcare in the evenings and to the weekends when I can spend time with her.

I say go for it. You've had a great life for the first 40 years of your life (I hope, sorry if you haven't) now go have yourself another adventure for the next 40!! :-)

My DD is 16 months now and yes it is definitely worthwhile.

But it is a rollercoaster though. The depth of love (may not be instanteous the moment they are born but most people feel it in the end, the responsibility, the joys, the PRIDE when they do something new (eg when you first hear their little voice say something!), the joy when they come and give you a cuddle and its obvious how much they love you etc.

But it is also bloody hard work and very emotional. We've just had 2 weeks hols which was great - all three of us together all the time, DD loved it and we all felt so connected. Now we are back in the ordinary routine (I work three days) and for the first time this morning she cried when DH drove away with her after dropping me at the station. Yesterday her grandparents dropped her home and she didn't want me to pick her up and ran back to my mum for a cuddle.

On the one hand I'm delighted she loves my mum, on the other I am sad at the moment that our lovely time on hols is over and wishing we could spend all our time together. Its a real rollercoaster ...

[pulls self together!]

Nobody trains you for this job and you do make a lot of mistakes on the way, but, hell, yes it has made my life complete. You can get cats and dogs and hobbies, but you can't create that friend you have in a child. You think about them constantly and hope for the future, my soul would be dead without them.

Ps I love my doggy and DH too!

I didn't give up my career - I am 42 and now have the dream job I always wanted; 3 children is exhausting but rewarding; I couldn't have done it without nurseries and now a live-in nanny.

It feels worth it when I get home and all 3 of them run from different parts of the house shouting 'Mum's home!!'

Less rewarding when watching Under 12s rugby at 8.30 on a Saturday morning with a hangover and a bored 3 year old in tow, so just give in and run around like a lunatic playing hide and seek - and see how quickly you feel alive again.

Can't imagine life without them - I would be seriously bored, would have a tidy house, and would have to talk to my other half!!