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Original poster

Bereavement & Grief

125 replies

Kia · 30/07/2001 21:37

I have a very dear friend who has just been left a widow before their first anniversary. I could go on and tell the whole tale but it's not really the point of this messge. I really want to support her through this even though we are only able to talk on the phone because of the distance involved, and I wondered if anyone had any words of wisdom to add. It is only 10 weeks since he died so it's still very raw.

OP posts:
star · 23/02/2002 12:49

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CAM · 23/02/2002 13:37

Thinking of you RobinW. My younger brother died last September after a long illness and at the end it was seen as a "happy release". It is a hard process adjusting to the fact that you will never see that person again and also the dynamic of the family changes. I wish you strength to support your dh and also for yourself.

Tigermoth · 23/02/2002 14:13

My thoughts are with you, RobinW.

Joe1 · 23/02/2002 15:05

RobinW, my nana died last year after quite a few years of strokes and rushing to hospital and telling us she was dying more than once. It is a very had time to see a family member ill whether you get on or not. I understand your comment completely that you thought she would be in a better place if she died, my nana was never really the nana I remember, she didnt like being ill and Im sure she was waiting for certain things to happen before she let go. We believe in life after death which helps us get through the hard times of grief and that they are free from being ill somewhere else.
My thoughts are with you and try and remember the good times x.

emsiewill · 23/02/2002 15:59

Thinking of you Robinw

Marina · 23/02/2002 18:30

Thinking of you all, Robinw. So sorry to hear your news.

Rozzy · 23/02/2002 20:02

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Lill · 23/02/2002 22:18

You have been through a truly awful time. It must be very hard for your poor dh to come to terms with the loss of his mum.
My thoughts are with you both.
Big Hug
Lill

jodee · 24/02/2002 08:32

Thinking of you also at this said time, take care. Jodee xx

Batters · 24/02/2002 17:20

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lindy · 24/02/2002 19:29

Deepest sympathy Robinw and thinking of you & your DH very much.
This may not be a very helpful comment but when my DH's brother died several years ago it completely changed him for about 6 months - similar to another comment on this thread - because they had not seemed particularly close I was not expecting such a reaction - so be prepared for lots of unpredictable behaviour (some of it might be totally out of character) and be as supportive as you can. But don't forget yourself in all this grief - you need a good friend as your DH may not be able to support you.

Good luck, praying for you and your family.

mollipops · 25/02/2002 08:39

Sympathy to you and yours RobinW, you will get through it together. All the best.

IDismyname · 25/02/2002 10:56

RobinW
I had a similar situation about a year ago, in that my FIL died after 3 days in hospital. I guess we had that time to get to grips with what was happening, but it's never easy. My FIL was up in Norwich, dh in London, and it was the time when most of East Anglia Railways seemed to be in total chaos (post storm damage etc.). I can remember dh calling me from Liverpool St station to tell me in tears that he thought he'd not be able to make it up there before his father passed away.
He did, with about an hour to spare, and I think it made all the difference to him, and probably his Dad, too.
I also want to reiterate that it's a very stressful time for you, too. Being the "Rock" is a very hard thing to be, especially over long peroids of time. Make sure that you have a chance to talk to someone - even us(!), and have a chance to get stuff off your chest.
Look after yourself.
We're thinking of you...

Mooma · 25/02/2002 13:27

My condolences to you and your family Robinw. God bless.

Viv · 25/02/2002 13:59

RobinW, Just to let you know I'm thinking of you at this difficult time and I'm sorry to hear your news.

Lizzer · 25/02/2002 15:08

Robinw, just got back to mumsent after a week and was upset by your news - can't add much more to the great advice on this thread - hope you can find some comfort through it...

Faith · 25/02/2002 22:14

Robinw, just to say that my thoughts are with you. Your Dh has you to support him, so make sure you take care of yourself too.

Bugsy · 26/02/2002 10:26

RobinW, so sorry to hear your sad news. Hopefully, your MIL is at peace now and maybe your dh will be able to celebrate her life by remembering some good times.

Janus · 26/02/2002 15:01

So sorry for you and your husband's loss Robinw. It will be a very difficult time for you both but I hope you can remember the good times you all had and this eases the pain. Another idea is maybe a bench in your MIL's favourite park/walk, I often see these and always think what a wonderful way to be remembered, in a place of beauty.

robinw · 26/02/2002 19:02

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zoe7 · 26/02/2002 19:50

There you go again robin. Why do you always have to get a dig in???

tigermoth · 27/02/2002 13:25

I will miss the knowledge you bring to many discussions. Please don't leave for good, robin.

No offence intended to anyone out there.

sar71 · 27/02/2002 13:34

Well a lot of mums won't miss her and there will probably be a lot more posting if she does stay away.
Good ridance. Iam sure that will upset someone somewhere but it is not intended for anyone else.
If robinw posted that noone would say a thing, because Ihave seen her post a LOT worse.

Pupuce · 27/02/2002 13:43

Sar71 - you must have missed Carriel's posting under Quality of Life today.... what a shame.

ScummyMummy · 27/02/2002 13:46

Did you read the title of this thread, people? Perhaps you should think about tailoring your comments to fit? I'm feeling extremely uncomfortable and annoyed with some of the postings on the boards at present. I'm trying to preserve a Tigermothlike calm and dignity BUT IT'S GETTING DIFFICULT. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE PUT A SOCK IN IT. I really don't want to read any more of this hurtful rubbish, especially not on a thread dealing with bereavement.