My children told the school I neglect and hit them

[Charliechaplin1988]

I got a call from a social worker after an argument with my daughter over her buss pass being lost again . They went to both my daughters who said they were scared of me and I wasn’t looking after them correctly (I am mid divorce and they are a bit older and I will say my standards have droppee ) but noyhing I can’t fix like more effort at dinner time and more effort with making sure they’ve taken the right equipment . Mt children were removed from me that day and given to my parents and are now being interviewed by police over claims I assult them ! I have pulled them apart and whacked their legs when they were going hell for leather on each other but I can’t believe it’s got here. We are so incredibly close and having them away from me is breaking me. Will I get them back ? I’m their only parent ?!! We’ve been together just us for 11 years as they weren’t close to their step dad and I feel like I’m dying inside. There’s much work I neee to do but everyone is agasijt me ( apart from my children ) who I saw at the weekend and still adore their mother as they have no gravity of the situation ) I’m so so scared

Have you actually hit them on the legs or are they falsely claiming that?

You whacked their legs? As in, you hit them?

If you want your children back, you need to not minimise this, and you need to do everything children’s services ask of you.

Get yourself a family solicitor ASAP and follow their advice to the letter.

Do a parenting course to find ways of coping so that you don’t abuse your children any more.

Have you engaged a solicitor yet? What do your parents say?

Are you in England?

If you ‘whack’ your children then they shouldn’t be in your care.

What did you whack them with?

So you admit your standards have dropped and that you have hit your children.

It sounds like you need help. You need to co operate and admit what you’ve done.

So the children told the truth and you're surprised that they were removed from your care ?

Sorry, just seen they are secondary age, not like smacking a little kids bottom (not good but technically legal)

So they told the school you neglect and hit them.

You admit you neglect and hit them.

And you want to know if you'll ever get them back, is that right?

Your OP reads like you see yourself as the victim of your children's accusations. But they've done something extremely courageous in speaking out about the violence they are experiencing at home. They are the victims, not you, and you need to focus on fixing the harm you have done to them, rather than being all 'woe is me'.

Do you hit them?

They won't care about dinner, SS i mean.

Usually in these situation parents paint a much rosier picture than is the reality

They will if she doesn’t feed them.

"Whacking" children is no longer acceptable (if it ever were) I think you are minimising this a little .We all shout occasionally, but a slap becomes a whack becomes a thump until someone is injured badly.Why would your DC say this otherwise .Do everything expected by SS and go on a parenting course ,It sound like you have a lot on your plate ATM.

rhe only time I hit them both on the back of the legs was when they were hittijt each other and I walked in and tried to seperate them and it was a reaction. A wrong one but ie never seen them fight before like that. They are getting older and they fight a lot. They’re always fed but it’s been pasta etc whilst i admit ive been wallowing. I’m not the innocent party and I need to throw all my focus on getting back to the great mum I was and I am really ashamed of myself, I just miss my children and I know how much they’re missing me . I just want some light at the end of the tunnel and will do what ever it takes

So your kids have told the truth and they have rightly been removed from your care? Sounds like SS have done their job perfectly here.

Ok let's stop bashing the OP. She's fucked up and is experiencing the consequences.

OP have the police been in touch? Has the social worker told you if they are doing a joint investigation with the police? If the children have been actively removed from you it must either be under police protection which expires after 72 hours or they may have gone to court for an emergency order in which case you'd have been notified. If it's police protection then the social worker should be telling you what the next steps will be - if they are applying to court or not. If not, the children will have to come back to you. They will probably set up an initial child protection conference and do an assessment with you looking at where you're struggling and how to help you make changes. It takes a lot for children to tell adults outside the family when they are experiencing abuse - for the kids to have told a teacher they must have been very unhappy and scared of you. You need to take this very seriously and make some real changes.

It sounds like you are struggling to cope, and from your children’s perspective, they must have really affected them to speak out about it as they have done.

Engage with the police/SS, and don’t minimise what you did to yourself - whacking is hitting, so using a different word won’t change that. They told the truth, and now you need to work on doing all you can to put these things right.

Thank you
the kids are being interviewed by the police today and im meeting with the social worker and my family ar 4 ) who rightfully can’t even look at me ) I spent the weekend at my parents with the kids and will stay there tonight wirh them but I’m just hoping there’s options I can do to bring them home to me becuase they’re really missing their mum and I’m missing them so muchb

I'm sorry that this has happened but you need to face the reality that your children are afraid of you. You have admitted to hitting them. You now need to show an understanding of what you have done and a willingness to work with Social Services to get help. You can turn this around, but not if you stay in denial about your own responsibilities in all of this.

Can you hand on heart say that you can be a good and present mother to the kids? It sounds like you have made them live with their stepdad for the last 11 years who they don't like and now he has finally left and you have no patience for them or any willingness to make it up to them by finally putting them first. In some cases it's better to be a great mum part-time than an unwilling mum full-time. It sounds like you need some time to get your priorities straight and decide who you will be as a mother, but don't rush into it if they are fine where they are right now.

Why do ops going through a hard time always get cross examined on here? She said they were fighting each other and she hit their legs to stop them, I was belted for a lot less as a kid thank god I was never put in foster care.

Kids especially teenagers knowing they're pretty much untouchable is causing a big problem with behaviour with families I know especially when the kids are beating each other and/or their parents but the parent can't react or get angry without the threat of the kid calling the police or social services. Its a very tricky situation

I would say that adults who hit kids are the ones with the biggest behaviour problems. The kids learn from their parents too.

Their step dad was there for 4 years and their father lost all right in courts so I mean it’s been me and them since they were 4 months and 1 year old. I don’t take my blame in this lightly. I am to blame and my sheer depression has taken over my duties but I want to turn it round and get my babies back home and make them proud of me