To think birthday etiquette is going downhill?

[Doglover321]

I recently organised a birthday meal out to a local Indian restaurant. It was booked and announced 4 months in advance and a whopping 31 people attended, however only 5 people didn’t come empty-handed. AIBU to think this is rude? I’ve been brought up to believe it is basic birthday etiquette to bring SOMETHING with you, even if it’s just a cheap bag of sweets. Has been playing on my mind!

I'm not sure if its a culture thing, we are from asaia, been in UK, early, mid 60's - but when we invite or invited to any party/do/etc, the host always pays fro everything - people would ROFL if they thought they'd have to pay

This is normal in the UK as well.

But that's HALF of them op!! You didn't know half the people at your own birthday and expected them to bring a stranger a present. As you can see from the comments, that's batshit.

They didn’t show up empty handed. They brought their wallets and paid for their meals.

Are you okay OP? There’s a peculiar vibe here.

Only 2 of them I didn’t know/had never met before.

Anyway, have a good day all.

@Doglover321

As everyone had to pay for their own meal/drinks etc, then YABU to have expected gifts. It was just a night out at an Indian Restaurant on your birthday. It wasn't a party that you threw.

You say you are 'close friends' with 17 of these people, but I don't think they are as much 'close friends' as you think. Sounds like you're only close to 5 of them really. (The ones that brought gifts for you.)

@Jazzjazzyjulez · Today 13:08

I would never turn up to a birthday dinner without a present. Even just a token present of a bottle of wine etc. I do think it is rude.

Definitely not the done thing amongst my friends and family.

It wasn't a birthday dinner that the OP had put on though. It was 30-ish people meeting up at an Indian takeaway, ordering their food and paying for it themselves.

The OP didn't do anything. She didn't provide food and drink and entertainment. Why on earth should she have received loads of gifts?

How breathtakingly entitled!

OP

With respect - are you taking the P??
When I read you OP I felt a bit like that now having read all of your posts and this one -- leaves me to wonder

how n earth do you find the time as well as them

no offence

was it your birthday? So you were expecting people to turn up at a time of your choosing, at a restaurant if your choosing, pay for your meal and bring a gift in addition to paying for their own?

You have 17 friends so I don’t know why you invite the meet up group too.

One of my friends has a birthday meal out every year to which she invites at least a dozen people, sometimes up to 20. She expects people to pay for her meal and drinks and to bring a present and makes an elaborate show of opening them and commenting on them. After doing this for two years, I now find myself strangely busy on the date of her birthday meal and, coincidentally, other commitments mean that I can't see her any another time about a fortnight before or after her birthday.

Even people who expect wedding gifts usually PAY for their guests food

Your friend isn't the OP is she?! 😆

I would take a card and gift with me. If it was a close friend of mine I would also pay for their meal.

HOWEVER, I really wouldn't mind if it was my birthday and a friend didn't bring a gift. I think the fact that they're in attendance and paying for their own meal is enough, especially in the current times. Of course it is nice to receive a present but I think everyone's circumstances are different.

Admittedly I don't really get meet up even though people seem to absolutely rave about it but what you describe doesn't sound like hosting a party. I'd interpret it as a group outing in honour of someone's birthday rather than a birthday party as I wouldn't expect strangers or people you don't know well to go to a birthday party. I wouldn't bring a present to an organised group outing.

And yet you said in your other thread's OP that you were afraid people wouldn't pay for themselves on the night, landing you with the bill!

It’s my birthday next Saturday and I’m hosting an evening meal at a really fabulous local curry house. There’s a whopping 35 of us down to attend, some of whom I don’t know very well! Bit nervous that they won’t pay their bill and I’ll be landed with it….

And you were asking whether people expected the birthday boy/girl to pay for everyone, or whether people would pay for themselves!?

"Not pay for my meal, no. Pay for their own meal (I’m unemployed and can’t afford to pay for so many meals - plus why should I be out of pocket on my birthday), plus bring a very small gift, cheap box of chocs or £10 gift voucher maybe?"

So you expect them to pay for their meal and get you a gift? You are happy for them to be out of pocket for your birthday?

So entitled! Why not just enjoy the company of your friends?

How old are you OP?

I think OP said she is 27.

Being blunt here, if a friend was turning 27 (so not a big birthday) and organised a birthday meal 4 months in advance and then invited people they’d never met, you’d be lucky if I turned up, never mind brought a gift!

A friend invited me to her big birthday celebrations. The things she has planned plus travel would have cost £80 which I’d need to pay for myself. I wouldn’t be getting her a gift with that. As it is, I can’t attend for other reasons. We’re going to have dinner at another point, I won’t pay for her dinner because I can’t afford it but I will take a card and small gift. Only because it’s a big birthday though.

OP will soon learn the world is a scary place where you don't always get presents on your birthday!

You thought people could have brought a £10 voucher for you. You would have ended up with over £300!

😆 The absolute cheek! And the sheer entitlement!

😆

OP you sound very immature. Do you have any social difficulties?
People probably thought this was just another meetup with your birthday as the cherry on top.
It wasn't to celebrate you in particular.

They came, they paid and spent time with you. That's enough. You managed to have a great time despite being unemployed and didn't pay for any of it except your own meal.

Also the world is polluted enough, why would you want people to bring you cheap crap or tons of chocolates etc that you cant possibly finish?

Have you ever heard the phrase - Your presence is my present. You come across as very entitled.