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Original poster

Partner still paying mortgage and child maintenance which is stopping us from buying

373 replies

Mammacool84 · 30/07/2023 15:48

Hey there,

hoping I can get some advice or guidance- my partner and I have been together over 4 years we now have a beautiful 3 month old and we are in a rented house. My partner owns a house from a previous relationship where he has two lovely children and pays child maintenance. Thing is I want my little boy to have his own room and a house that is ours but all my partners money is tired up in the house he owns with his ex and he says he can’t sell until his two kids are 18!! But this is stopping us from getting a property which I think is so unfair - I don’t get child maintenance etc why should his ex have maintenance and a massive house???!!! I feel like I am paying for his exs lifestyle and kids - why can’t they downsize so his ex can get a solo mortgage? Any suggestions? Thank you in advance

OP posts:
TwinsPlusAnotherOne · 30/07/2023 18:03

Blossomtoes · 30/07/2023 17:54

I don’t think it’s the ex who’s taking the piss. OP knew exactly what she was getting herself into.

Yeah, the expectation the kids mother would actually take some financial responsibility for housing herself.

Not a free loading ex girlfriend who doesn't pay her own mortgage and claims maintenance on top. So what if she she has two kids. It's being ignored that OP has one, that is no less important. That child should have a stable home bought by both it's parents. Not just the children that simply happened to appear first. And that's on the spineless boyfriend and the grabby ex.

Why should OP have to fund her own home whilst simultaneously the ex has to pay nothing for the house she lives in? The ex needs to grow up and pay for her own living expenses, not free load off her ex, at the expense of a third child, with this batshit entitlement because she happened to give birth first.

KnickerlessParsons · 30/07/2023 18:03

I was being sarcastic.

NotStayingIn · 30/07/2023 18:04

SpainToday · 30/07/2023 18:03

he sounds a reasonable/ fair father to me who is taking proper responsibility for his previous kids.

… but not taking proper responsibility for his youngest child

Yes fair point!

Takeabreather23 · 30/07/2023 18:05

@tescocreditcard this is so spot on.

bellac11 · 30/07/2023 18:06

anonymousxoxo · 30/07/2023 16:48

Paying child maintenance is one thing, but 100% mortgage. She's getting a free house because she had 2 kids. Everyone telling OP to work, but why can't she and pay her own mortgage or 50% even?

Show quote history

OP hasnt clarified the details of that latter part though.

ConnieTucker · 30/07/2023 18:06

DumboDumbell · 30/07/2023 16:16

I do think people are being harsh because OP has phrased her frustration in the terms of "why can't I have a bigger house" <wail> which isn't particularly endearing.

But let's be honest - if the ex was on here saying - my ex partner has been paying the mortgage on the house I live in for 4 years since we split but now has a kid with his partner and wants to stop and sort out our assets - she'd be told that's absolutely fair enough and she's got no grounds for complaint

Ultimately though OP if your partner is happy with his setup there's not a lot you can do is there.

ive just reread just the op’s posts for this specifically.

she never said her partner is paying the mortgage. She said he pays maintenance and the ex gets to stay in the family house.

so he is paying maintenance for his children but his ex is paying the mortgage on their shared house for which he will receive 50% when they eventually sell.

sounds like a crappy deal for her in the long term, not him.

Purplepaperpeople · 30/07/2023 18:07

Sounds like your partner feels guilty for his past behaviour and as a way of trying to reduce the guilt and compensate has possibly said to his ex she and the kids can have the house until they are 18 years old? He would be in his rights to ask to sell the house and this would be fair but I don’t think he wants to due to the above reason

anonymousxoxo · 30/07/2023 18:07

bellac11 · 30/07/2023 18:06

OP hasnt clarified the details of that latter part though.

Show quote history

The way the OP is phrased is he's paying for it all. If it's 50%, then fair enough. But yeah OP needs to clarify

ConnieTucker · 30/07/2023 18:09

anonymousxoxo · 30/07/2023 18:07

The way the OP is phrased is he's paying for it all. If it's 50%, then fair enough. But yeah OP needs to clarify

Show quote history

Read all op’s posts again. The only thing she has said that he is paying is maintenance.

WhatBloodyNow · 30/07/2023 18:13

I strongly agree with this. He’s honouring his first commitments. You made your choice

He's not honouring his second commitment to his new child though is he? He's happy for the OP's child to be in unstable, small rented accommodation while his 'first commitments' get to live in luxury.

Why the OP thought that was good enough, I'll never understand. But it was presumably his choice to have another baby too, no? So why won't he provide for this one the same way he's providing for his others?

anonymousxoxo · 30/07/2023 18:13

ConnieTucker · 30/07/2023 18:09

Read all op’s posts again. The only thing she has said that he is paying is maintenance.

Show quote history

She has also said: "why can’t they downsize so his ex can get a solo mortgage?". If this went to court, house would have been sold and the ex would have been told to get a job/downsize

AutumnCrow · 30/07/2023 18:14

anonymousxoxo · 30/07/2023 18:07

The way the OP is phrased is he's paying for it all. If it's 50%, then fair enough. But yeah OP needs to clarify

Show quote history

It's in the thread title, but the OP hasn't specified the percentages.

Readyplayerthr33 · 30/07/2023 18:14

ConnieTucker · 30/07/2023 18:09

Read all op’s posts again. The only thing she has said that he is paying is maintenance.

Show quote history

Can you read?
He is paying maintenance plus the mortgage. She just won’t answer if he pays 100% of the mortgage or 50% or something in between.

Marwoodsbigbreak · 30/07/2023 18:14

It sounds as though the DP and his ex agreed a version of a Mesher Order. His XP is joint owner of the house with him. She receives CM from him and uses her combined sources of income to pay the mortgage and other bills.

When her DC are older, the house will be sold and equity split.

OP wants the house to be sold now so that it’s XP renting (probably couldn’t get mortgage on one salary) and OP owning with her DP.

Is this what you mean @Mammacool84 ?

Floralnomad · 30/07/2023 18:15

You should have sorted this out before you had another child with him . FWIW it’s probably more sensible to get a smaller house in your name only , this man has a poor track record and obviously isn’t keen on marrying the women with whom he has children . There is a 50% chance that by the time your child is 5 you will be on your own and therefore won’t need to house his first 2 children .

AngryGreasedSantaCatcus · 30/07/2023 18:15

@ConnieTucker the title says he pays the mortgage, but yes you're right, in her posts it's only implied by virtue of him owning. In posts she only mentions maintenance as being paid.

I wonder if OP will come back to clarify exactly who owns what, and how much her partner actually pays.

bellac11 · 30/07/2023 18:15

SouthernLassies · 30/07/2023 17:45

Why is everyone being so nasty to the OP?

The truth is that had this man done' the right thing' (in the world of MN) and married his former partner, their house would have been sold and the assets shared. if it was decided in court not to sell it, he could not be tied to paying a huge chunk of or all the mortgage AND maintenance.

Courts work on what is fair.

That means a settlement where each of the couple can have a reasonable standard of living.

It doesn't mean one of them takes everything so the other is left high and dry for 15 years till the kids are 18.

Why would a court in this situation order the house to be sold given the man (or husband as he would have been) agreed to maintain the children's home. He isnt being forced into it

This isnt about being married or not, its about the fact that he rightly agreed to the agreement and OP knew this when she got with him or when she had the baby anyway.

anonymousxoxo · 30/07/2023 18:15

AutumnCrow · 30/07/2023 18:14

It's in the thread title, but the OP hasn't specified the percentages.

Show quote history

Like @Readyplayerthr33 said: He is paying maintenance plus the mortgage. She just won’t answer if he pays 100% of the mortgage or 50% or something in between.

BravoMyDear · 30/07/2023 18:16

Mammacool84 · 30/07/2023 16:09

i earn my own money - I have a deposit for a small house but not own to accommodate a 5 person family - I want all children to have their own bedrooms…is that fair??

It’s completely unrealistic.

Soapboxqueen · 30/07/2023 18:16

OP needs to clarify her DHs financial position here.

She refers to the DP paying maintenance and having equity tied up in the house his ex lives in.

No indication that he's paying any of the mortgage at all. She wants the property sold so she can have a larger deposit from his share of the equity.

Eitherway, it's still a DP problem.

Marwoodsbigbreak · 30/07/2023 18:17

Readyplayerthr33 · 30/07/2023 18:14

Can you read?
He is paying maintenance plus the mortgage. She just won’t answer if he pays 100% of the mortgage or 50% or something in between.

Show quote history

I can read.

OP doesn’t state anywhere that her DP is paying the mortgage. Simply that he pays CM.

Marwoodsbigbreak · 30/07/2023 18:19

Oh! I see it’s in thread title.

OP. Can you clarify? At the end of the day, it’s his money and his choice.

WhatBloodyNow · 30/07/2023 18:19

I can read. OP doesn’t state anywhere that her DP is paying the mortgage. Simply that he pays CM

It's in the thread title - "Partner still paying mortgage and child maintenance"

SoupDragon · 30/07/2023 18:19

Marwoodsbigbreak · 30/07/2023 18:17

I can read.

OP doesn’t state anywhere that her DP is paying the mortgage. Simply that he pays CM.

Show quote history

Apart from in the thread title.

ArcticSkewer · 30/07/2023 18:20

Marwoodsbigbreak · 30/07/2023 18:17

I can read.

OP doesn’t state anywhere that her DP is paying the mortgage. Simply that he pays CM.

Show quote history

It's the thread title