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Original poster

Partner still paying mortgage and child maintenance which is stopping us from buying

373 replies

Mammacool84 · 30/07/2023 15:48

Hey there,

hoping I can get some advice or guidance- my partner and I have been together over 4 years we now have a beautiful 3 month old and we are in a rented house. My partner owns a house from a previous relationship where he has two lovely children and pays child maintenance. Thing is I want my little boy to have his own room and a house that is ours but all my partners money is tired up in the house he owns with his ex and he says he can’t sell until his two kids are 18!! But this is stopping us from getting a property which I think is so unfair - I don’t get child maintenance etc why should his ex have maintenance and a massive house???!!! I feel like I am paying for his exs lifestyle and kids - why can’t they downsize so his ex can get a solo mortgage? Any suggestions? Thank you in advance

OP posts:
bellac11 · 30/07/2023 16:02

Mammacool84 · 30/07/2023 16:00

to re-quote ‘of course he should pay maintenance my issue is him still owning another house stops us from buying as interest rates etc go sky high when you own two properties and also it would means we don’t have a big enough deposit without releasing equity

Show quote history

What equity do you bring to the deal? Do you have a deposit?

Whats the difference in interest rates if you own more than one property, I wasnt aware of that?

Original poster
Mammacool84 · 30/07/2023 16:03

no I know what I meant - thanks 😊

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 30/07/2023 16:03

The stamp duty is higher on a second home, but not the interest rates.

tescocreditcard · 30/07/2023 16:04

The ex already has a house @Readyplayerthr33 - she doesn't need to buy one.

TomatoSandwiches · 30/07/2023 16:04

He had those children first, you knew before having your own with him that he made this commitment to them, he has my respect actually so why have you only now decided it's an issue? If you weren't happy with it then you should have left him.
Were you the OW BTW?

HermioneWeasley · 30/07/2023 16:05

The difference is this is the home he made with his kids and is their home. I can understand why they jointly agreed it wasn’t a good idea to disrupt them further. You have chosen to bring another baby into the mix knowing that

AnyFucker · 30/07/2023 16:05

So he left his ex when the 2nd child was under a year old and shacked up with you ? You reap what you sow.

anon2022anon · 30/07/2023 16:05

Well you can't own because you got with somebody who already had serious financial responsibilities, and chose to add more with him, and you can't afford to buy by yourself. If the youngest is 5, and you've been together for 4 years, you got with a man with a young baby, and it should have been very clear it wouldn't be an easy situation.

Readyplayerthr33 · 30/07/2023 16:05

tescocreditcard · 30/07/2023 16:04

The ex already has a house @Readyplayerthr33 - she doesn't need to buy one.

No, she doesn’t. She jointly owns is with a man she is no longer with. When that happens, you either buy each other out or you sell. You don’t keep living in it and having your ex pay the mortgage.

bellac11 · 30/07/2023 16:06

It makes no odds if OP was the other woman, this isnt a moral issue its a practical one

If OP wants to buy a house with her current partner then what is she bringing to that deal? Are both of them saving up to provide a deposit, how much is her deposit?

Ilikewinter · 30/07/2023 16:07

Well you got yourself into a fine mess here OP. Its just a shame that you didnt have this conversation before deciding to have a child with this man.
What happens next depends entirely on your DP - and it sounds like he made his mind up years ago when he agreed with his ex to allow the house to be lived in until his kids are 18.....a stupid agreement given one child is only 3 but there you go.

hamustro · 30/07/2023 16:07

This might not be possible, but could they somehow arrange to release your partner's equity in the house, and then remortgage and move the property into your partner's ex's name only? That way she gets to keep the house she lives in with her children, but your partner gets his portion of the equity. It depends on income, equity and the outstanding mortgage, I suppose.

ConnieTucker · 30/07/2023 16:08

youve been together 4 years and he has a five year old with someone else? Wow. That’s fast work for him. How long was he single before he started dating you?

did you know before you committed to him that he wasn't able to sell his previous family home until his you gets turns 18? Or had this just been sprung on you recently? Like when you were already pregnant and couldn't leave as easily?

essentially, he cannot sell the other house until his youngest is 18. And he pays maintenance for those children too. That wont change. The only thing you can do anything about is what happens with that information.

how can you increase your earnings to enable you to buy a home?

Original poster
Mammacool84 · 30/07/2023 16:09

i earn my own money - I have a deposit for a small house but not own to accommodate a 5 person family - I want all children to have their own bedrooms…is that fair??

OP posts:
bellac11 · 30/07/2023 16:09

Also I assumed that his ex partner joinly owns the house, OP hasnt confirmed that. LIke she hasnt confirmed a whole host of queries.

Schoolchoicesucks · 30/07/2023 16:10

Is he paying 50% of the mortgage as well as maintenance? It does sound to me as though he and his ex need to reassess their financial settlement.

Probably to sell and split the equity.

For most people, that is likely to mean 2 smaller properties.
Would you be happy with both families in 2 bed flats? How big is the rented house you live in? If he had half the equity from his previous house, could you buy somewhere and something you want to? Where would that leave his ex?

What does he say about the financial arrangement? It's up to him and not you really. Maybe they came to this agreement as otherwise she would have to move away with the children and he would see less of them.

If you're not married then I hope you are financially independent.

hamustro · 30/07/2023 16:11

Mammacool84 · 30/07/2023 16:09

i earn my own money - I have a deposit for a small house but not own to accommodate a 5 person family - I want all children to have their own bedrooms…is that fair??

Unless you earn a really good wage, I think a 4 bedroom house (I'm assuming that's what you're after - apologies if I've miscalculated) is a bit of a stretch for most first time buyers. Would it be the end of the world if his sons shared when they visited you? 3 bedrooms tend to be a lot more affordable.

3luckystars · 30/07/2023 16:12

You want all the children to have their own bedrooms. Even the ones that don’t live with you. what if you have more children?

bellac11 · 30/07/2023 16:12

Mammacool84 · 30/07/2023 16:09

i earn my own money - I have a deposit for a small house but not own to accommodate a 5 person family - I want all children to have their own bedrooms…is that fair??

So buy a small house then. Be financially independent. Have it as your house and he lives with you, dont let him contribut e to the 'mortgage' because then he'll have a claim on it in the future, just get him to pay bills etc

You dont need a house for 3 kids for goodness sake, stand on your own two feet

I suspect you are relying on him financially though, when do you go back to work

Yonderway · 30/07/2023 16:13

Why should his older children suffer because their dad decided to have another relationship. It's hard but he does have a responsibility to them as well as to your child. Presumably you knew that before you decided to have a relationship and a child with him.
I don't think there is anything you can do.

ConnieTucker · 30/07/2023 16:14

Mammacool84 · 30/07/2023 16:09

i earn my own money - I have a deposit for a small house but not own to accommodate a 5 person family - I want all children to have their own bedrooms…is that fair??

How is it unfair? Two existing children need housing. They have a family home.

you then decided to start your own family while still renting. That’s fine if that is what you want to do.

it would be unfair for you to then change your mind and demand that two small children sell their family home and move into a much smaller home so you can buy a much bigger home than you can afford.

Schoolchoicesucks · 30/07/2023 16:15

Mammacool84 · 30/07/2023 16:09

i earn my own money - I have a deposit for a small house but not own to accommodate a 5 person family - I want all children to have their own bedrooms…is that fair??

You can want all you like, but you can't afford it.
Most families of 3 kids have some sharing of bedrooms. That's just the way it is.
How many nights do his kids spend with you?

RedHelenB · 30/07/2023 16:15

TomatoSandwiches · 30/07/2023 15:52

Go back to work and buy your own house.

This

ConnieTucker · 30/07/2023 16:15

ConnieTucker · 30/07/2023 16:14

How is it unfair? Two existing children need housing. They have a family home.

you then decided to start your own family while still renting. That’s fine if that is what you want to do.

it would be unfair for you to then change your mind and demand that two small children sell their family home and move into a much smaller home so you can buy a much bigger home than you can afford.

Show quote history

That you *cannot afford that should have said.

DumboDumbell · 30/07/2023 16:16

I do think people are being harsh because OP has phrased her frustration in the terms of "why can't I have a bigger house" <wail> which isn't particularly endearing.

But let's be honest - if the ex was on here saying - my ex partner has been paying the mortgage on the house I live in for 4 years since we split but now has a kid with his partner and wants to stop and sort out our assets - she'd be told that's absolutely fair enough and she's got no grounds for complaint

Ultimately though OP if your partner is happy with his setup there's not a lot you can do is there.