My family might be headed for disaster...

[tootiredtoocare]

It came home to me today when my DF went off into one of his regular low-key rants about 'woke culture' and 'box ticking'. Talking about Jim Davidson's Youtube channel and how they talk about 'anything that isn't woke', how 'wokeness' is killing our culture. I almost cried. I can't believe my DF is such a bloody gammon. He is an intelligent man, and we were brought up to be aware of current affairs, to read, we knew how to use encyclopaedias before most of our friends knew what they were, he put the Ragged Trousered Philanthropists into my hands when I was 13. Although I have disagreed with him about a lot of things, I've never worried about his opinions the way I do now. The disaster I think is coming, is that my DB, SIL and their DC are coming over from where they live abroad to spend most of August with us. They'll be staying at my house but obviously we'll spend a lot of time with DPs. Where I can just cut off from my DF, which I often do for the sake of DM, my sanity and my relationship with him, my SIL definitely won't, and DB will back her up, as he should. SIL is very opinionated, a strong feminist, and not being British has an insight into British culture we don't have. Both she and DB are even more left wing than I am and I'm firmly left. Do I sit my DF down and tell him he needs to shut up and avoid political discussion with her? I'd feel like I'm talking to a teenager, and I shouldn't have to parent him. Other option is to have a chat with SIL and DB and prepare them for him being the way he is. Either way, I'm really concerned that things will blow up. It will break DM's heart, she's so excited about finally getting the whole family together.

I’d speak to your brother and explain the situation - forewarned is forearmed as the saying goes .

They are adults, they need to agree to hold different views and limit the tribal politics talk.

But there adults…people have different views and opinions to others…did they not learn this from school age? You all sound intolerant and quite narrow minded.

They’re **

This in spades. More nicely put than I could come up with

I agree OP it's hard when someone you used to respect or are close to like a parent goes all brainwashed into dodgy views by youtube. You could have a polite word in your dad's ear and ask him kindly to avoid bringing it up. But also forewarning your brother too. This happened to a family member of mine and whilst I asked him to please refrain from discussing Trump / Brexit / Wokeism etc he failed to follow this and ranted at me anyway so now I keep my visits to a minimum.

Well, maybe he should see the shock/anger that his outdated opinions cause?
I'd be more inclined to want to tell him to tone it down (because he should!) than to tell the visitors to go softly. (Probably would not have the balls to do it, though)
There was a similar thread, almost, the other day - AIBU to berate my BIL at the dinner table? (paraphrasing)
Tricky for you.

I don't think you should say anything to anyone. They are adults, let them figure it out. Also your dm is an adult, stop infantalising her.

Imagine trying to cut your own dad off because he holds different political views to you.

I find a lot of 'woke' opinions painfully backwards and naive. What does your father actually say that you think will be perceived so badly by your brother and his wife? Woke could cover anything from gay marriage to sexual performances in front of children. Will they really be incapable of being polite in face of a different opinion? And if so, is that level of intolerance actually acceptable, because it sounds like hypocrisy.

@elbea That's not what's happening here. We've had energetic and vigorous debates in the past and always come out of them with our relationship intact because we could both see the other's point, even if we disagreed on it. I often bite my tongue now to maintain that relationship because I know I'll be just as abrasive as he can be. There is more we disagree about now and I can no longer see in him the values he has taught me, his politics and values have changed as he has aged, while mine have not. The world has left him behind.

I disagree with my father on the subject of politics and lots of other societal issues. It doesn't stop me spending time with him or respecting him.

Over half those who voted
voted for Brexit. Are they all Trump supporters? All of them hold generally dodgy views? This is the second MN thread today that has seemed to suggest this and I feel very uncomfortable with these assertions.

Let your dad have his own views

You're massively catastrophising

Agree with this.

You don't have to be the buffer between your father and his son. They can have their own relationship and your father can have his own opinions.

If you were having a meal someone or you were at an occasion or something you could say 'I don't think this is the time to talk about this' but you can't censor your father on a day to day basis.

@WonderingWanda DM is an adult, yes. It's also over five years since we were all together as a family and she's very emotional about it. I have a 5 year old niece I've never been in the same room as. It's very, very important to me that DM is able to enjoy this family time. She has limited mobility and can't travel. DB & SIL have a demanding business, I have a disabled DC and my other 2 DC are now adults with their own responsibilities. It's not unrealistic to say this may well be the last time we're all together.

Surely he has the right to think what he wants- who made you the thought police?

You’re supposed to be coming from a place of kindness and tolerance yet you’ll call your own father a bloody gammon. Time to take a step back and look at yourself, OP.

SIL is very opinionated, a strong feminist, and not being British has an insight into British culture we don't have.

What does this mean? That none brits know us and our low characters better than we do ourselves?

You sound insufferable.

He sounds awful. I would tell him to zip it.

So are only left wing opinions tolerable then? Your father is not entitled to hold any different opinion to your DB an SIL?
It is one thing that annoys me now that people, particularly on the left, seem to have lost all tolerance and think other opinions should be silenced.

Absolutely! And you're not the epitome of tolerant are you?... ". I can't believe my DF is such a bloody gammon."....
Are you of the absolutely accepting as long as people don't think differently to you?

You sound extremely intolerant OP. Why do you feel the need to police the opinions of others? Have you ever thought that you might be wrong yourself? I guess not, so what’s making you think your opinions are always correct?

You seem very immature to me. Not everyone will think alike and that’s what makes for a diverse culture. You may wish to live in an echo chamber of your own making, but it’s impossible unless you never interact in real life and stick to Twitter.