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Original poster

Would this be a stupid thing to do ????

193 replies

nutcracker · 19/10/2004 21:51

O.k i am thinking of getting a penpal or rather an email pal i guess. Was thinking of perhaps someone in the armed forces or something along those lines.

So is it a bad idea ??

OP posts:
carla · 20/10/2004 12:03

Well, there's at least one on there who admits to being married, so he must just genuinely want some correspondence.

Delovely · 20/10/2004 12:04

Really Carla?!!

hmb · 20/10/2004 12:04

I wouldn't bet on that Carla. Sorry.

Original poster
nutcracker · 20/10/2004 12:05

I know i sound like a right nasty, uncaring whatsit, but I just feel soooooo bloody, well i don't know really, just a bit of a mess.

Belive me i do know regret, i live with it everyday of my life, knowing that i can't do a thing about it so to me it can't be worse than being bored.

Oh i wouldn't be using my real name, sending piccies (or underwear), or giving them my adress or anythinglike that.

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Original poster
nutcracker · 20/10/2004 12:06

The irish one i just looked at gave the option of putting that you were either looking for a relationship or just looking for friends to chat.
Quite a few didn't want a relationship. Which is what i put.

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Original poster
nutcracker · 20/10/2004 12:06

Forgot about that JT

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spacemonkey · 20/10/2004 12:09

that means they just want sex then!

Delovely · 20/10/2004 12:09

Nutcracker I don't think any of us can stop you going down this road - you're already heading down it and the allure is a very powerful one. Just dont delude yourself that this is harmless, or that sticking this plaster over your problems will make them go away. It might sound drastic but have you thought about therapy, for either just you or both of you? Don't leave it till everything's fallen apart.

WigWamBam · 20/10/2004 12:10

You don't sound nasty and uncaring but you do sound bored and a bit depressed. Isn't there anything else you could think of that you might find exciting?

hmb · 20/10/2004 12:11

Sorry, but I would be gutted it I found out that dh was writing to another person, especially if he was on an out of country posting. I do trust him, but I would find it very hurtful.

tiredemma · 20/10/2004 12:11

here you go nutty- 01733 416083, it will be a telephone int initially, so sound really positive, tell them that you have been a SAHM and are now looking to get into pt work.
why doesnt dp want you to do it?

MarmaladeSun · 20/10/2004 12:16

I had a pen pal (or rather E mail pal) in the army...ended up marrying him!

Delovely · 20/10/2004 12:19

Agree with WigWamBam - not nasty or uncaring. Depressed, bored, unloved, a bit low on self-esteem. Been there. The answer is not where you're looking for it.

Original poster
nutcracker · 20/10/2004 12:20

Cheers emma
He doesn't want me to do it cos he's an arse, thinks i might actually get a life then i suppose.

Sorry you all think so badly of me for this, although i do myself iykwim.
I am not stupid and will not get myself in too deep. I just cannot stand to feel so lonely and bored and more.

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Original poster
nutcracker · 20/10/2004 12:21

I know it isn't Delovely but i can't think what else to do. Suppose i'm sticking my head in the sand.

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codswallop · 20/10/2004 12:22

Nutty that is a bad idea

WigWamBam · 20/10/2004 12:23

No-one's feeling badly of you, Nutcracker, we just don't want you to make a mistake. People care about you and don't want you to get hurt.

Delovely · 20/10/2004 12:25

I DO NOT THINK BADLY OF YOU. I honestly know where you're coming from - that's why I'm so scared for you. Even if it goes no further this will poison rather than enrich your life. But you will probably have to go there for yourself to discover this. I know I had enough warnings not to do some of the crazy things I've done, but I still had to find out for myself! PLEASE don't feel judged, and don't beat yourself up either because it'll just reduce your self esteem even further and pull you into a downward spiral where you need ever more validation from outside sources.

carla · 20/10/2004 12:26

Nutty, I certainly don't feel badly of you - just worried. Where abouts in the country are you? And what's the job? That would alleviate some boredom? FWIW I feel in exactly the same boat as you. I'm sitting surronded by mess/things that need cleaning, the children will be at home tomorrow, yet I still can't motivate myself to get cracking. Or make cakes for the bloody cake sale.

Delovely · 20/10/2004 12:27

Sticking your head in the sand exactly nutcracker. It's the hardest thing in the world but you need to unpick what's gone wrong for you and why. That's why I suggest outside help. Think about it.

tiredemma · 20/10/2004 12:29

thats what i thought nutty, scared you will actually get on in life without him- he needs you much more than you need him, arse- youll be able to stick him in an OAP home before long and then do what you want!!

Original poster
nutcracker · 20/10/2004 12:30

Thanks delovely

I shouldn't of asked really cos i'm not stupid i do know that dp would be hurt if he found out, thats why i'm hiding it, and i know it's not the answer to my probs either, but i'm 26 and he makes me feel like i'm an old woman ready for my bed slippers.

I'm not being honest to myself either i don't hink, cos i know deep down that if contacted someone and got to know them (so to speak) that i would meet up with them if they asked.

I feel like i'm on the path to self destruction today.

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Original poster
nutcracker · 20/10/2004 12:30

{grin] Emma, i say that to him from time to time

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Delovely · 20/10/2004 12:31

That's so insightful and honest nutcracker.

Please think about talking to someone about what's going on for you.

Original poster
nutcracker · 20/10/2004 12:32

I am in the midlands Carla and the job is in a call centre for a travel agents.

Not sure i could trust myself in real life either though iykwim

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