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Original poster

Would this be a stupid thing to do ????

193 replies

nutcracker · 19/10/2004 21:51

O.k i am thinking of getting a penpal or rather an email pal i guess. Was thinking of perhaps someone in the armed forces or something along those lines.

So is it a bad idea ??

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 20/10/2004 14:04

He doesn't care SM. He thinks i'd never finnish it cos he knows i'm not strong enough and he plays on that i think.

He would never ever leave me i know that.

OP posts:
spacemonkey · 20/10/2004 14:05

no wonder you're feeling down then nutty!

have you considered ending the relationship? sounds like you're sick of him (not surprisingly if that's his attitude)

would he be willing to go to relate?

Original poster
nutcracker · 20/10/2004 14:06

He did suggest relate once but tbh my immeidate thought was 'well i'll have to lie' cos the truth is if he walked out tommorow i'd be glad. Very scared but glad.

I think about ending it every day, just haven't got the guts.

OP posts:
MarmaladeSun · 20/10/2004 14:18

How old are your kids Nutcracker?

Original poster
nutcracker · 20/10/2004 14:20

nearly 7, nearly 5 and nearly 2.

OP posts:
spacemonkey · 20/10/2004 14:22

nutty i have totally been where you are, and i did something very similar to what you're thinking about doing and it worked in that it forced my marriage to end, but god what a mess it caused. I do understand the fear. We went to relate twice and the second time I did lie because I couldn't face up to the fact that I didn't love him any more. Big hugs from me, it's shitty isn't it? XXX

Original poster
nutcracker · 20/10/2004 14:24

Definatly is SM, could bawl my eyes out tbh but have to go get the kids in the rain

OP posts:
bonym · 20/10/2004 14:29

Nutty, you have to do something about your relationship -it's really hard I know, but I was married to someone who made me feel old and unattractive and was constantly undermining me. I finally found the courage to leave him and now am married to the loveliest man alive. It is very easy to stay in a bad relationship, thinking that there is nothing better out there for you, but believe me, there is. It took me a long, long time to make the decision to go but once I had I was so much happier. If you really think that your relationship is beyond repair then please think hard about what you need to do - you ARE strong enough to go if that is what you really want. I would not encourage anyone to break a relationship if there is hope that it can be mended. Relate might be worth a try - even if you still feel the same way afterwards at least you will feel you've done everything possible.

spacemonkey · 20/10/2004 14:30

don't forget you've got us lot to lean on

WigWamBam · 20/10/2004 14:44

Nutty, you don't have to go to Relate as a couple, you can go individually or just one of you can go. If you saw them on your own they would be able to help you work out what your feelings are and what's best for you.

Delovely · 20/10/2004 15:16

You've nothing to lose by trying Relate, or any kind of talking therapy/counselling, nutcracker - and potentially everything to gain, whether that's a relationship that makes you happy or the courage to leave one that's never going to work. At least then the decision won't be taken out of your hands. If he's suggested it before, fantastic - that's half the battle.

I do so feel for you. You sound like a good person in a rotten situation.

Chandra · 20/10/2004 15:27

Nutty, I'm with Delovely on this... I have some friend whose wife got really attached to her penpal, she never met him (he was also out for some excitement without consuming athe affair) but she really fell for him and 6m later her husband asked fro a divorce. So... I think it's a rather innocent idea that can end having serious consequences. I also remeber a thread from long time ago and when somebody asked if you would leave your man after he had a night stand, I think the answers pointed that it was worst to be emotionally involved with somebody else than just having a night of sex... so, better not to gte emotionally involved, it can become a serious issue.

upfrontman · 20/10/2004 16:51

Nutty, you could take on board much of the good advice already been offered but if that is not an option for you at the moment you could "try before you buy" as it were by emailing [email protected]. You may find you have made a mistake but it will help you get it out of your system if thats what is required.

WigWamBam · 20/10/2004 18:17

Oh, don't some people just make you want to spit.

carla · 20/10/2004 18:20

Lou, could you do something about this? I'm not happy about this post at all, and tbh, the other posts too.

carla · 20/10/2004 18:23

Meant to say by the same person

Original poster
nutcracker · 20/10/2004 18:25

Think i'll pass thanks upfrontman

Carla - where else has he posted then ???

OP posts:
carla · 20/10/2004 18:26

Do a search, nutty

Original poster
nutcracker · 20/10/2004 18:31

Hmm well who knows, all the same i'll still pass.

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Original poster
nutcracker · 20/10/2004 18:54

Just wanted to thank everyone for all their help and advice today.
Have just arranged a night out with a friend for next friday, so thats something to look forward too at least.

OP posts:
lou33 · 20/10/2004 19:38

I was ahead of you all . Emailed mn hq before any of you posted. Nutty I would suggest if it bothers you though, you should also email [email protected]

Original poster
nutcracker · 20/10/2004 19:46

I can do if you think i should Lou. Didn't pareticularly bother me though, found it quite funny.

OP posts:
lou33 · 20/10/2004 19:51

It's entirely up to you. I didn't email it as a complaint, more like a quesry as if it was allowed to stay on iyswim. Maybe he should pay a fee and advertise himself . In all honesty, I don't see what the difference is from this complete stranger emailing you here, offering to get in contact you, compared to any other stranger. You still don't know anything about them either way.

Haven't heard back from hq anyway

I could still offer my flirtation services of you want?

Puts on deep voice.....

Hey do you work for the post office?

Nutty says "no why?"

Lou says " I can see you checking my package"

Original poster
nutcracker · 20/10/2004 19:53

PMSL Lou, nearly choked on my tea then

OP posts:
lou33 · 20/10/2004 19:54

See you don't need strange random men, I can do it for you. Much safer.

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