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Original poster

Would this be a stupid thing to do ????

193 replies

nutcracker · 19/10/2004 21:51

O.k i am thinking of getting a penpal or rather an email pal i guess. Was thinking of perhaps someone in the armed forces or something along those lines.

So is it a bad idea ??

OP posts:
tiredemma · 20/10/2004 09:37

couldnt you get letters sent to your moms or dads? or is that a big no no? ( its all very cloak and dagger isnt it!?)
i used to write to a couple of soldiers, but this was in my late teens, must admit they were very suggestive
there is an actual website for forces penpals but i dont know what the url is.
just be careful dp doesnt find out though. x

ps on another note, i have that phone number for you for work if you want it, let me know

Original poster
nutcracker · 20/10/2004 11:04

BH - It would but i never evn get chatted up so

Tiredemma - I did used to have a penpal in the army when i was about 14 but then found out he lived rather close to me and stopped writing to him.
My mom and dad wouldn't let me have letters sent to them no, good idea though.
Oh i will have that number if you have it thanks, although dp is now playing his face about it

I am just soooooo bored with my life, i need some excitment in it before i go mad.

OP posts:
bonniej · 20/10/2004 11:24

I don't think a male penpal would be a great idea, i'm afraid. I wouldn't like it if my dh had a secret female penpal. I'd feel like he was cheating. I know what you mean about being bored tho and haven't got many suggestions. Have you tried spicing things up with dp? I know it's hard with children about. Have you got any babysitters handy so you could have a night to yourselves?

Original poster
nutcracker · 20/10/2004 11:29

Don't think i want to spice things up with dp though.

Anyway i know that dp flirts with the customers during his job, so i don't see much difference really.

OP posts:
bonniej · 20/10/2004 11:31

oh, well if he's no angel then why should you be. Just be careful that you don't get too involved and end up meeting. I did something once to spice up my life and it was the start of the worst year I've ever had. Take care x

Original poster
nutcracker · 20/10/2004 11:33

Thanks bonnie, was planning on choosing someone in another country so the chance of meeting up would be pretty remote.

OP posts:
bonniej · 20/10/2004 11:34

Good idea nutcracker. Let's hope we don't have a post in a years time from you asking if you should emigrate

Delovely · 20/10/2004 11:37

Nutcracker my best friend started 'flirting' in internet chatrooms because she was bored, got hooked and ended up having an affair. It all got messier than she could ever have bargained for and she now calls it the worst decision she ever made. All the way along she was kidding herself further down the 'this-doesn't-really-count-as-cheating' route till she found herself cheating after all. Believe me I TOTALLY understand where you're coming from but if you want my opinion I'd examine very closely why you want that kind of contact and try to heal your relationship rather than finding validation elsewhere. Do you think maybe the reason you asked the question here rather than going ahead and doing it is that you know deep down it would be self-destructive???

Big hugs nutcracker, I do sympathise

carla · 20/10/2004 11:37

I just don't know how you'd manage a full-on flirt without giving him even the remotest possibility that he could meet up with you on his leave.

Delovely · 20/10/2004 11:39

PS nutcracker the affair was not with someone off the internet. She just got a taste for that kind of 'fun'.

Original poster
nutcracker · 20/10/2004 11:39

Delovly and Carla - you are both right

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 20/10/2004 11:42

Just found a site for irish penpals . I'm a sucker for an irish accent.

OP posts:
popsycal · 20/10/2004 11:44

please be careful nutcracker

Delovely · 20/10/2004 11:46

Sorry to pour cold water nutcracker. I just know it can turn into a really nasty addiction. Would break my heart to see someone else end up in the bloody mess that my dear friend ended up in.

carla · 20/10/2004 11:47

Nutty YOU DO NOT WANT ANYONE PHONING YOU UP. So Irish accents are irrelevant

hmb · 20/10/2004 11:48

Just a warning

If you send a photo, or anything more (ahem) personal expect it to be pinned up on the notice board!

Dh commented that they were sent lots of letters during both Gulf wars. Some of the girls were very 'generous' and sent underwear, to the great amusement of the lads.

You could well lift someones moral, but the forces have a very 'robust' sense of humour so they could take the mickey if you are unlucky.

Delovely · 20/10/2004 11:48

Please please please don't kid yourself that there's no harm in it / what he doesnt know doesnt hurt him / it's just a bit of innocent fun. If you can't tell him it's poisoning your relationship

Delovely · 20/10/2004 11:50

Please dont think I'm judging or moralising - I'm the last person to be in a position to do that!

bonniej · 20/10/2004 11:50

Why don't you tell dp that you are feeling bored and unloved. can you talk to him? If he hears this he might get concerned you will look elsewhere and might buck his ideas up a bit.

spacemonkey · 20/10/2004 11:53

I agree with delovely. Not moralising either, I've been a very bad girl in the past so I'm just speaking from experience. It'll end up in a big mess. Sorry but that's the truth

WigWamBam · 20/10/2004 11:54

Nutcracker, how would you feel if you found out your husband was conducting an internet friendship with another woman and keeping it secret from you? I would be gutted. Please don't do anything that you're going to regret later on. I know you said he flirts at work, but this is obviously something that he is keeping secret from you. This could really backfire on you. Please take care.

bonniej · 20/10/2004 11:55

There is a worse feeling than boredom and that is regret

WigWamBam · 20/10/2004 11:55

Sorry, I'll try that again.

Nutcracker, how would you feel if you found out your husband was conducting an internet friendship with another woman and keeping it secret from you? I would be gutted. Please don't do anything that you're going to regret later on. I know you said he flirts at work, but this is obviously not something that he is keeping secret from you in the way you are planning to keep secrets from him. This could really backfire on you. Please take care.

carla · 20/10/2004 11:55

Nutty if you Google British Forces pen pals could you not just fantasise about the ones that are, er, on offer? A virtual pen pal?

JoolsToo · 20/10/2004 12:03

thought you were going to change your name to Firecracker! - thats enough excitement for you!

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