anyone still up and online? (2)

[WideWebWitch]

Dixie thought I'd start this since the other thread is so long it's taking ages to post a message. I can talk here or if you'd rather talk on the phone email me at [email protected] and I'll email you my number/will call you if you like. You don't have to explain, I remember the background. Must be hard, I'm separated too but it's amicable. Ds and dp are out so I've got time to talk if you want to.

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Well it sounds as if the supervision is lousy for a start - how come he got to cut a hole in his jumper before anyone spotted him? Don't beat yourself up about it (especially whilst you're drunk )

How long til he's 5? Maybe school is a bit overwhelming for him at the moment.

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Sounds like something is bothering him then. Sorry I can't think of any advice at the moment - need sleep (only came on to check emails after watching Grand Prix qualifying). Try to forget it for now, you can't tackle the school on a weekend, so no point in winding yourself up too much. Maybe some of the others will offer some useful advice when they log on tomorrow.

Hope things improve for you. Must go... night night

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You're welcome, sorry not much help. Go get some sleep and come back and speak to the wise ones over the weekend

SB34 ... I am sooo sorry ... I have only just picked up your posts and I WAS up but had to log off as my visitors arrived.
How's your head this morning?
Have you had a sit down chat with your child's teacher at all? Or has this all been 'on the run' when the teacher has asked you in at pick up time?
I think maybe you need to have a three way chat with the teacher and the headteacher and see if you can get to the bottom of this.
I am a teacher (although a SAHM now) and I have to say that sometimes the problem comes with a lack of communication between the adults (sometimes the teacher's fault, sometimes the parents, sometimes both). If I was having problems with a child in my class I would be working hard with the parents to rectify things BEFORE putting them on report. In my last school 'on behaviour report' was a last resort when all else fails.
I can not think of any time when a 4 year old was on report though... seems very very young for that.
I totally understand why you are upset and I think if you can try to talk properly with the teacher and the head and get them to explain their behaviour policies to you it might help a bit.
My personal belief is that education is a triangle ... the child, the school and the parent/s. If one corner of the triangle breaks down then problems occur ... Does that make sense?
Don't let them fob you off ... just because you are a parent and not a teacher (I know many teachers who do that) ... Tell them that you want to work as a team to improve things for your son ...
HTH a bit ... chin up ... thinking of you XXXXXX

Hi bossykate

I am from North of Scotland, near Inverness. Went off on another site last night so I didn't reply then when you asked.

Take care

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No probs sb34 ... you sounded so miserable that I wanted to help.
When you see the teacher find out where he is sitting in the classroom. Is he sitting next to anyone who might be leading him astray? Is he out of the direct eyeline of the teacher? Is he understanding instructions OK (in that read 'Is she explaining properly' ... often I find that children misbehave when they are not clear on what they have to do and so are confused. A teacher's primary job after teaching is making sure they have explained instructions carefully enough for ALL the children to understand) ? Is he being rewarded for good behaviour and work or just being told off for bad stuff ... is he getting enough POSITIVE reinforcement? Can he have a certain job in the classroom that is just his own (ie. pencil monitor or something like that?) ... always a good incentive for the 'monkeys'.
I shall have a think of some other things that could help ... but really if she is any good as teacher she should have some of these sorts of strategies in place ...
PS Your head WILL get better ... nothing like a paracetamol to cure a hangover

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Well, if he is bright then it most probably is boredom ... he obviously needs more stimulation. Sometimes the bright ones are much more of a challenge because they get bored easily. Check with her to see if she giving him anyh extension work (stuff to challenge him).
I think that what is worrying is that he has what, another 11 years at least of education ahead of him? His first year of school should therefore be a positive experience and if he is bored and getting into trouble a lot then it is not positive for him.
Of course sometimes there is a personality clash between a teacher and pupil and that can be hard for all concerned. But it is the teacher's job to get around that (with the support of the parent). Presumably he has a term and a bit left with her? Still almost half a year so the problem must be solved now.
I have taught children who I have found difficult to relate to for whatever reason but I have worked at getting them (and me) through the year as smoothly as possible. On the other side of the coin I have also had parents say to me that their child had an awful year before coming into my class and have blossomed with me. Sometimes that is the way it goes and it is unfortunate that your son has got a teacher in his first year who does not seem very sympathetic.
Have you talked to your son about how he is doing? How he feels about the teacher? Why he has done the (minor) naughty things that he is on report for? Has he said that it is too easy or anything like that? Does he talk about who he sits with? Do you know them? Is he happy at school? If not find out why ...
Mmmm ... will keep thinking ...
PS ...If I don't post again immediately it is because it is now 10.40pm for me and it is nearly bedtime. I will catch up tomorrow (tonight for you) ... G XXX

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sb34 - How did you feel about his teacher before all this blew up? Do you think you have a good relationship? I hope so, and please, please, try and maintain this. I think a lot of what Ghosty says is very helpful - when you go in to school it could VERY easily turn the head and the teacher on the defensive - they are only human after all. When you go in make it clear that you are on the same side, that you admit that his behaviour is unacceptable, that you are pleased that the school is communicating with you, that you are interested in what is going on, that you are not trying to make excuses for his behaviour, but that you would like to work together for the future to address the behaviour, and any underlying problems.

I know a report book at 4 sounds AWFUL, but it needn't be. It could be a very effective way of making sure that you and his teacher know exactly what is going on - and that your son knows that everybody knows ... It can also be easily turned into a positive/reward thing, if praise is given as well.

We were fortunate (!) to be phoned by the Head, and summoned into school several times after ds1 had only been there a couple of weeks - it was DREADFUL at the time - I cried for hours, and worried during the nights, BUT we used the advice I've just given you, and now have a fantastic relationship with ds1's teacher, and the Head. DS1 still has a few hiccups at school, but only a few, but I know I still get to hear about everything, because his teacher knows that I want to know the full situation. Parent/teacher meetings are week after next, but I know there won't be any surprises.

Anyway - hope that helps a bit. Hope you manage to relax and enjoy the weekend - fab weather, and hope meeting is very positive on Monday.

PS - I'm surprised how little response you've got - but it's hard to find this thread on the board. (I read it first thing and couldn't find it when I was looking for it.) If you do want more reponse - I'm sure Tigermoth and others would chip in with some helpful stuff - might be worth putting a new thread cross-referenced to this one, under education, say "On report at 4?" or something?

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