how often do you tell your kids you love them?

[nightowl]

idly wondering...for me its every day. did your parents say it often and does that affect how often you say it to your own? do you have any special little "sayings"?

Thinking about it, I remember my mum saying to me once when ds was small "who are you trying to convince?" when I'd told ds several times that I loved him.

I always knew my parents loved me, although they didn't say it that often, they did show it in other ways. I think it's just a different world these days.

stupidgirl!! What a thing to say! I think it is nice to be comfortable with showing your affections. I still feel very uncomfortable about it with my sisters and parents, and although I would love to tell them how I feel, I really couldn't put them, or me,through the agony! I never want my girls to feel like that, and fortunately they are very spontaneous and prolific with their affections. Lovely.

I still find it hard to understand why she said it, but I don't think my mother was ever very aware of the effects of what she said. Bless her, she means well and has a good heart, but I don't think it ever crossed her mind. I have suffered depression and have self esteem issues and the like, and I'm sure it's something to do with it, but she doesn't seem to be aware of that.

the more messages I read here, the more I feel the frequent saying of those three little words is a generational thing. It just wasn't the done thing in my mums' time, I suppose. Stupidgirl, that was a harsh comment from your mother - glad you could see through it.

Tigermoth, I agree about it being a generational thing. I think it's only quite recent that parents haven't been made to feel like they would 'spoil' their child by praising them.

Like I said, my mum can be thoughtless in what she says, but she means well.

i have noticed as someone else said that although my mum very rarely told me she loved me she never hesitates to kiss, cuddle and tell her grandchildren that. she still never tells me though! would love to know why.

ds and i have a special little saying...its something we say every night before bed. i found strangely that when i had dd although i tell her i love her just as much..i couldnt bring myself to say the same thing to her...like that phrase "belonged" to ds. sometimes i say a variation of it to her but not the same words i say to ds. i felt somehow that if i said it to dd it would seem less special to ds...and then i felt guilty for not saying it to dd aswell! i am truly mad i think

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I wonder if those grandmothers who say 'I love you' to their grandchidren, but never said those words to their own children have also picked up on the changing times? Even they now see it as the done thing, whereas it wasn't so popular when they were mothers themselves?

My mother also found it impossible for me to get praise from anyone. If someone said that I was good at something she would always say, 'yes but you should see how bad she is at .....'. It was as if she was terrified that I would get a swolen head/

I still find it almost impossible to recieve a compliment with good grace!

snap hmb. And she is trying to do the same with ds.

She told me "he'd going to associate the phrase "good boy" with himself if you're not careful." I said "good, then he might grow up self-confident and happy."

Wish I had time to read through the rest of this thread ... too busy working hard to try and prove to myself that I am worthwhile (lol)

I tell my kids I love them lots and lots...But then my family was/is like Ghostys.. My dad says he loves me every time we talk. I could still sit beisde him on the sofa cuddling and my brother would kiss my dad as a greeting to.. and in fact we as brotehrs and sisters tell each other we love each otehr too and would always kiss each other in greeting. And if I am staying with my parents I have never,never,never gone to bed without kissing everyone in the room goodnight and telling the family members I love them (and Im 35)

I've always been very cuddly with my mum, and I'm the same with dh and dd, i tell them I love u all the time and so do they. DD often tells me that I'm so sweet, because we often tell her, when she deso something cute!!

My own mum was never cuddled or told she was loved and my grandma was very strict and cold with her, mum has never felt valued or loved, but always criticised in front of others, never defended.

My mum's reaction tot his was to do completely the opposite with us, I once said I was afraid of telling my own daughter that she's beautiful a bit too often (for fear she would become vain, even if I actually mean it in a broader sense than just physically beautiful, iykwim), she told me to keep telling her, because she herself had never been told, and she never felt beautiful or confident. It really struck a cord with me, it just says how important it is to praise your own children!!!

Did anyone watch Geldof on fathers last night? Aparently according to the goverment fathers are not allowed to tell their children they love them, if they say "I love you" they are perverts. And if they let their children get into bed with them even if mom is their too they are even worse. But it's ok for mothers to say "I love you" and let kids in bed with them. What is the goverment coming to I ask myself?

i didnt watch it but what a load of shite...(the programme i mean) what i would give for my baby's dad to ever see her...

According to the government Jamiesmom? Where did you get that from?