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Original poster

how often do you tell your kids you love them?

116 replies

nightowl · 10/10/2004 05:12

idly wondering...for me its every day. did your parents say it often and does that affect how often you say it to your own? do you have any special little "sayings"?

OP posts:
Beetroot · 10/10/2004 14:56

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NomDePlume · 10/10/2004 15:02

Every day countless times. Also say it every day to DH. My Mum says it to me everytime we see each other (twice a month) or speak on the phone ( a couple of times a week). My Mum was always very openly affectionate with me as a child.

turquoise · 10/10/2004 15:05

Hundreds of times a day. "to infinity and beyond!" is ds's favourite.
My parents never told me as a child, but I knew they did.

golds · 10/10/2004 15:51

I tell them everyday at least once.

I don't ever remember being told by my mum and dad and I have never told them, affection is something that didn't happen in our house, I make sure that won't happen with my kids.

in fact the only people I believe when they tell me is my kids.

tammybear · 10/10/2004 15:53

I always tell dd i love her when i put her to bed, and i tell her several times during the day too.

Amfs · 10/10/2004 15:54

tend to say 'Well, that's a shame 'cos I love you' a lot .. because DS is saying 'I'm not your friend any more'

but every night when he goes to sleep and probably once or twice during the day

Mum & Dad never said it to us as children .. it's just a given

sponge · 10/10/2004 16:11

Al the time. Esecially when I'm hugging them. DD tells us she loves us at least once a day too. Aaaah .

poppyseed · 10/10/2004 16:13

loads....not so much that it doesn't seem special tho iyswim? I always make sure that I say it to them both at bedtime and blow them a kiss as I go out the door .

carla · 10/10/2004 16:16

All the time I see them... especially now they're both at school .....

Angeliz · 10/10/2004 16:22

Absolutely all the time!
We used to say (me and dd aged 3.6)
"Love you up the sky more than chocolate",
but lately it has turned into,
"love you to Bradley and Rory world and back again"
(Bradley and Rory are two characters from Haven that she adores!!)

I can't remember my mam telling me all that often really and she still looks ambarrassed now if she ever gives me a cuddle but i knew and have always known i was loved .

tigermoth · 10/10/2004 17:19

I feel the phrase 'I love you' has got devalued.

I think the rise of advertising and different types of therapy in modern life have a lot to do with this. Don't get me wrong, I say 'I love you' or variations of that at least once a day to my sons. But sometimes I feel I am offering it as an apology for not spending time with my sons, for not giving them my attention when they want it - a lazy shorthand that makes me feel better, a bit like saying the word 'nice'. They want my 100% commmitment to them - just saying 'I love you' is not the same.

I know my mum loved me - she was always there for me, she made me feel I was the most important person in her world. She never said she loved me - she didn't have to. I knew it.

Reading these messages, it seems that the fashion has changed from our parents day. It is now more the done thing to regularly tell our children how much we love them. I don't think it means parents generally love their children more now than they did years ago. I don't think children feel more loved, just because those three little words have been uttered to them countless times. I think that children who hear those words all the time could grow up with problems understanding what love really means.

I am now off the sit with my youngest son who is watching a video. He wants me to be with him. I will no doubt cuddle him and tell him I love him - because I have been on mumsnet.

nikcola · 10/10/2004 17:24

i tell dd all the time i love u babba and she says i love you too xxxxxxxxxx

Tinker · 10/10/2004 18:02

Think there's a lot of truth in that tigermoth. In much the same way that a lot of my daughter's proclamations are blatant cupboard love. Still, I'll hedge my bets and carry on saying it rather than ration it in an attempt to give it added value

Angeliz · 10/10/2004 18:03

tigermoth, i feel that's a very sad way to look at it

spacemonkey · 10/10/2004 18:08

What a thoughtful post tigermoth, I wholeheartedly agree with you.

It puts me in mind of my relationship with dp. We've been together for six months and still haven't said "I love you" to each other, and yet I absolutely know he loves me because his behaviour towards me tells me that far more effectively than the words themselves. In fact I quite deliberately don't say it now, because I don't want it to become a phrase we feel obliged to say if that makes sense.

With my kids, I tell them I love them often, and they tell me they love me often too. But actions always speak louder than words. I still think it's important to let children know in words anyway.

My mum never told me she loved me when I was growing up. We have said it to each other in recent years though. I agree with what you say - that it is a sign of the times and the changing ways in which we express ourselves nowadays.

Thomcat · 10/10/2004 18:15

I say it loads, not for any other reason than I feel it, so I say it. Don't think, for me, that it has anything to do with how often I was told as a child, it's just the way I am as a person. When my DD throws her arms round my neck and hugs and squeezes throughout the day it's very difficult not to tell her you love her 50 times a day! More importantly though she FEELS my love every minute of every day, every time I look at her and smile, every time I stroke her hair, kiss her cheek, stroke her leg, feed her dinner I'm telling her I love her, no words needed.

CleanKittyCat · 10/10/2004 18:21

My dh told me when we first met not to tell himthat I loved him because it was just words and they meant nothing. It can be under valued but to some/most people it means a lot.

My kids love hearing it especially from thier dad who doesn't say it much.

Slink · 10/10/2004 18:33

ALWAYS say it and dd says it back all the time too. At night time we always say love you dream of me and she tells me every morning that she had a dream of me and dh playing in the park...she is 3 bless

MeanBean · 10/10/2004 18:42

I can see where you're coming from Tigermoth, but I think particularly in England, people have more trouble expressing love than being too over-enthusiastic about expressing it. All the research that's ever done, shows that if you put any other Europeans in a room, they touch each other at least about five times more often than English people do and up to about ten times more for some nationalities! I remember growing up thinking that my parents didn't love me, and only realising that they did when my father actually told me after a huge row when I was about fourteen. That's a long time for a child to wait for confirmation of what should be self-evident. I think the people who tell their children they love them, are also on the whole (though not always), going to be the ones who show them in so many other myriad ways, that that statement is true. Not being able to express love is so much worse than over-expressing it, imo.

sobernow · 10/10/2004 18:45

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spacemonkey · 10/10/2004 18:50

lol @ "quite crap" sobernow

nikkim · 10/10/2004 19:05

You are very right tigermoth times have changed, we pamper our children far more and are much more open with our feelings.

I am sure my mum did love me but didn't know how to show it, although she resented me as well as I stopped her becoming the person she wanted to be. A friend who is about my mums age has said to me that she feels quite resentful when she wtaches me with my dd and the strength of the bond and how easy it is for us to hug and say we love each other as things were so different when she had children.

paolosgirl · 10/10/2004 19:24

Say it all the time to the kids. My parents never told us when we were growing up, and I wish they had. One of the few times I've told my mum was when she had a heart attack recently. Hasn't been said since - ridiculous really. Don't want to be like that with my kids.

hmb · 10/10/2004 19:44

Some good points. I would rather know that I am loved by peoples behaviour than be told that I am loved by someone who is not being hinest. But best of all is to know that you are love and be told it as well, I think.

Dh was very cautious about saying 'I love you'. His parents had split when he was young and he wanted to be sure before he comitted himself. I still remember the first time that he told me and he has told me at least once a day for the last 16 (almost 17 ) years of marriage.

We both tell our kids daily, and they are in no doubt about our sincerity.

EvesMama · 10/10/2004 20:19

all day to my dd, when she wakes me up in morning saying mama?, mama, ello?, i say good morning, how much does mama love you and she replies(using a circling motion with her arms!) all..werl!!(all the world) and gives me a kiss. she's so beautiful and its so hard that after almost 18 months i am only just realising just how beautiful

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