So ladies, am I the evil homewrecking "other woman"? [shock]

[BrownSugarBabe]

I posted last week about my step-daughter asking "Am I an evil stepmother". I was shocked at how I got lambasted in some of the replies, which literally accused me of being a homewrecker - all because I said that DH left his relationship to be with me.

Why is the assumption always that when a man leaves a relationship and starts a new relationship it's the "other woman" who is to blame. It just seems illogical to me - if he had been happy in his previous relationship (he wasn't) then he would not have left would he? If he got everything he needed in his previous relationship (he didn't), he would not have looked elsewhere (for company, friendship, conversation and yes, intimacy). He tried to make it work with his ex-girlfriend/partner for half of their 12-year relationship. I was a symptom of the fact it was not working - not the cause. It is tragic that he finally gave up and left the relationship soon after their child was born - but again - this is not my fault. We got married within four months of getting together.

The reaction I got on MN is exactly the attitude taken by my so called MIL whom I have never met and whose exact words to him were "That woman is no daughter in law of mine". His two sisters also sided with this view. Needless to say MIL and DS's aunties have never met DS (aged 3.5) and never will as far as I am concerned.

It is this toxic dynamic that caused DH to be estranged from SD for the past five years of her life - because had DH's family not been so judgemental of the situation, they could have helped both DH and his ex- during that first year of acrimonious and hostile visits to see his daughter, rather than making it worse.

I am sick and tired of people who don't know me judging me - or assuming that DH's ex is some saintly figure who was the innocent party in all of this. It's just like the DIana-Charles-Camilla situation isn't it? DH and I have been happily married for seven years now so surely if I was just a fling I would not still be here would I?

i think the original poster is a selfish bitch, or a troll, but i think it highlights a very difficult situation. Are there any positive SM stories? Dunno. I personally don't think i could accept another womans child, which is why i would not get involved with a man with children, yeah yeah i know life not so simple, as i would be worry my resentment would show and i would favour our own children. This would be awful for the step children, and just generally shite all round as they may well resent ME, even if i came along after a split. But thats children, they cannot really rationalise how they feel, unlike most adults.

My BIL has just got married to his partner, whom i think he became involved with whilst still wiht the mother of his first child. I like her, she is a good SM. His first partner was a trollope and was having an affair with a guy whilst BIL was severely ill. She got pregnant, BIL stayed because of the child but left when he was about 4 (ish). He sound like a shit? Well he isnt, he ADORES his son, ive never seen such a fantastic father actually, he puts his son first and i often have felt sorry for SIL as she has had to take a definate second place, but this is right and correct and she accepts this. She has now had two children with BIL and the first son adores his brother and sister, SIL is really good with my nephew, although she never disciplines him as she feels it not her place, i wonder if he should follow her rules as applied to his siblings in their house mind but their situation works, i only see this from the outside but this is a happy step family IMO, the boy wen to his dads wedding (sad really) and his mum requested pictures of her son in his page boy suit (much to his embarrasment im sure!), obviously without SIL in it, i thought that very mature actually, not sure i could be so mature about it. So maybe this is the positive SM story people have asked for. Maybe if the OP behaved in more selfLESS way her story could have been happy to.

My step-mother was pretty great, especially compared to some of the monsters mentioned on this thread. My step-father is fantastic.

I'm pretty sure my step-sibs would say that their step-mother (i.e. my mum) was fantastic as well.

Oblomov and Suebaroo - words fail.

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't a small child, I was 17 at the time and just jumped back into my car and drove off to Europe.
Actually I used to like my step mum quite alot. Its my dad that I have an issue with. I don't want this to turn into a SM story.
I am sure there are plenty of good ones - luccy's one was good.