Anyone else having a bad day?

[PamT]

I woke up to hear DD yelling at 5am with an extremely stinky nappy - no going back to sleep there. So I went downstairs, switched the computer on and received 3 e-mails all containing the Klez virus, fortunately dealt with by Norton's Anti Virus before they did any damage but it took a bit of sorting out and checking. DD was in a foul mood and wouldn't eat breakfast so most of it went on the floor.

Yesterday wasn't much better, I was woken by the neighbour's car alarm going off at 5.30am and managed to get a stone chip in the car windscreen on the way to playgroup, not a bad one but right in the line of vision so the screen will have to be replaced and unfortunately isn't covered on the insurance.

Grrrrrrrrrrrr! Hope tomorrow is better.

PamT - dd had really bad wind cramps for 2 months. We've finally been allowed by our g.p.to give her lactose-free milk which has stopped the cramping but has made her constipated, so we are still getting the sleep disturbance and the distress of seeing her in pain.

Bozza - sorry I'm so sleep-deprived, I now realise that I'm not making a lot of sense.I caught a cold and gave it to dd. All the snot went into her stomach -as she was only 7 weeks at the time she was lying down a lot- and it gave her a tummy upset. We found snot in her nappies for weeks which was really vile. Anyway, apparently this can cause a temporary lactose intolerence because of damage to the lining of the gut.

Aloha - thank you for your concern. I don't think I'm depressed, I'm just so tired. And I'd love to have a bit of time to read a book or something - I seem to spend all my time washing bottles or mixing formula. Today dd and I were finally dressed at 3 which doesn't allow for too much going out, and we live in a small village with no transport so our options are limited anyway. I've got a couple of friends who had similar experiences re. breast feeding and they both feel as I do -one mum is still feeling so sad about it 20 years later.I just think it's something that I have to come to terms with. There's been a lot said on here about dummy snobbery; well, that's how I was about bottle-feeding. I read books on b/f, bought special tops and dresses, and looked forward to the closeness that dd and I would have. And it didn't happen. And because of dd's colic she has to have special bottles which can't be used for mixing formula, so I have to sterilise all her old bottles as well, and it takes three hour's a day - time we could be together. And I'm big-chested, so I have these huge reminders of what I should be doing. I'm not the mum that I thought I was going to be. But dh is right of course - we're lucky that I am a mum at all. I do agree with you about routines, we tried GF with dd and she just carried on doing what she wanted, and to be honest I didn't really take to a lot of it anyway. I'd just like to have some semblance of night and day so that we can rejoin the human race. I do really value your concern and it has made me feel better to get it all out.

KS - my thoughts are with you.

The cat woke me at 5.30am. England lost. Dd did a poo on the sofa cushion and my pyjamas. Had a cataclysmic row with dp about why he could be late for work because he'd watched the world cup, but didn't have a minute to get my bag of maternity clothes out of the attic.

ionesmum - can you get some help during the day? Is there a newsagent where somebody offers babysitting/cleaning etc? Then get them in for a couple of hours a day/week to help you with sterilising etc (3hours seems such a long time! Can you & dh just do a batch together in the morning and use them all day from the fridge? How many bottles are you giving? ) so you have some time to yourself/to be with your dd? I know it is hard when the don't sleep - I really went through it myself - there was a brief but terrible period when he woke up every 45mins all night! - but it does pass eventually and then the hideous memory recedes. Have you contacted the NCT? There might be a mother and baby group in your area or at least someone to talk to about your feelings. I don't mean to be patronising, and I hope you don't feel resentful of my well-meant advice, but you do sound very down a lot of the time. I found getting dressed down to my shoes during my son's first sleep of the day very helpful. Then whenever he got fractious/I got exhausted I could go for a walk immediately.

Since 9.30 this morning I have been.

One of a few English working in Scotland...

The natives seem to have forgotten that they didn't even get to the first round, let alone the quarter finals!

I am now

Aloha and sobernow - thank you so much.

Dh is fab around the house, he does virtually everything bar the cooking (but he gets a great Chinese!) But in true mother-martyr mode I prefer to do dd's bottles myself!

Ionesmum, I really have nothing to add that aloha and sobernow haven't said already but just wanted to let you know i am thinking of you. Re. the breastfeeding, I have some idea how you feel. With my first son, I was so convinced I would be Mother Earth: of COURSE I would b/f and it would be wonderful. Despite a lovely homebirth and no problems re stitches etc., baby got thrush, it transferred to my nipples and after a painful 4 weeks, I gave up and bottle fed. I felt a complete failure. Looking back, this was ridiculous. My son was happy, loved, well cared for and healthy. I should add that with my next 2 kids, I had no problems whatsoever with breastfeeding and am now still feeding d.s. 2 (8 months)

You are doing really well. Being a mum is TOUGH and nothing really prepares you for this. PLEASE don't be so hard on yourself. Lots of love xxx

Trudles - just read your post, my nanna died nearly 3 weeks ago (she was only 67) and I was dreading the funeral last week as soem of the family have been arguing & there's been a lot of spite & needle. We live away from the majority of the family, and I was expecting there to be horrible fall-outs in the midlle of it all ('YOU weren't here while she was ill, WE were' kind of thing), but thankfully everyone showed respect and kept their grievances for another day.

Hope you get through it ok, and there's not any conflict. It's the last thing you need on a day like that.

Will be thinking of you.

Thanks, oxocube.

Ionesmum

Sorry to hear that things are not going exactly to plan.

One thing I did notice was that it takes you 3 hours to sterilise the bottles.

Are you using sterilising fluid? DW and I looked into that and found that the best way to speed things up was a steam steriliser or a microwave based one. We opted for the later one and can do 4 bottles at a time in 7 minutes.

SimonHoward, we use two steam sterilisers at once! The reason is that dd has special anti-colic bottles which have lots of fiddly valves and tubes and stuff. Because of this the formula has to be mixed separately and the best way that I've found is to use our old Avent bottles. I make up four bottles at luch time and three at bed (that includes two of plain water.) It takes 1 and a half hours' each time, including time for cooling etc. I'm sure that there must be a more sensible way of doing it but I've yet to find it!

Thanks for your concern. Thanks again to everyone else, too, it does make a difference.

I just spent another wasted sat. morning looking at houses with prices that have been unreasonably jacked up by dishonest, scheming lying estate agents. I truly think I will shoot the next estate agent I come near....I'm sure I could get away with self-defense...

Self defense or pest control

Only joking, before I get hate mail from estate agents!

Ionasmum, could you make up the required total quantity of formula in a calibrated jug and then pour it into the special bottles? Then you'd only have the extra jug to sterilise, instead of double the bottles. HTH!

Thought I was going to be having a great day, but suddenly it became pants......some of you will know from previous postings that I'm a single mum of two currently on income support, with a lovely boyfriend (we don't live together) who has a dd.

Well, it's her birthday today, and we'd arranged to all go out for the day along with some other friends and their children. When we got to the cashpoint I found to my horror that a payment had gone through quicker than I expected, leaving me with no ££ whatsoever. I didn't know what to say or do. He likes to pay for me when it's just the two of us going out for a drink etc, but usually on 'days out' I pay my share. I felt so upset and horribly prideful as well, and just couldn't get the words out that I had no money, so I said to him that I had changed my mind and wouldn't be coming.......he was completely confused and p**d off, his dd was upset and was asking me to come, it was awful. He and his dd then went to get the train and I struggled home in tears with two very disappointed children.

I don't know how to maintain this relationship when he earns £30kpa and I have £30/month available for spending on non-essentials, which includes clothing. I just feel that I'm trying to keep up with his lifestyle, and even though he's sensible with money and not extravagant, I can't possibly do it. For example we are expected to go to his cousin's wedding next month, and I won't be able to go because I can't afford to buy something to wear, a haircut or the train fare. I don't know how to explain to him, I'm so frightened of coming across as someone really needy, useless or grasping.

oh mopsy, that sounds so much worse than my day. At least I don't have to worry about how to pay for things. Though there was a time when I did and I know just how you feel. There are people who have no idea what it is like not to have any money. They aren't necessarily selfish or bad, they just haven't been there. It sounds like you really like this guy and hope for the relationship to continue. You have to be honest with him and hope that he understands. If he doesn't then he isn't the man for you (or your children). Just because you can't afford to do everything that he suggests, doesn't mean it is wrong to have him pay for you. I have several close friends who can't afford a nice dinner out. Sometimes I invite them out and offer to pay just so I can have their company at a nice restaurant. I usually find a way for them to pay for something along the way that they can afford so that they feel like they are not taking advantage of me. Once upon a time I was in their position and when I was left out of group things because I couldn't afford it I swore that I wouldn't be that way when I did have some money. Sorry I'm going on, but I feel strongly about this...and have found it very difficult here in england to deal with the snobbery of the class system (there's a whole other thread there). I would suggest you tell your boyfriend the truth, (ask that he gives a little white lie to his dd about your not feeling well) and sit down and have a open conversation with him about how you can do things together so that you can feel like his equal. Maybe you pay for the haircut, he pays for the train, and you wear something old (who at the wedding is going to know the difference anyway). I would be very surprised if he didn't understand and maybe even have been waiting for you to bring up the subject (you know what men are like about "talking about things".

Mopsy, have just read your message. You poor thing - you must be so upset. I don't know if you have already done this but PLEASE ring your lovely boyfriend and tell him the truth. He must be so confused and hurt, thinking you don't want to be with him. You obviously do as you are so upset. Re. the single parent /no money issue, on the one hand, I have been married to d.h for 14 yrs, so cannot pretend to know how hard this must be for you (although he is bloody useless with kids & home), but we are CONSTANTLY broke, despite him having a good job (its a long story) and that "refer to bank" message is such a pisser (excuse the language - it is just such a horrible feeling). I really am thinking of you and your children. What did you do for your d.d's birthday in the end?

Anyway, to get back to the point, I feel sure that if you explained why you reacted as you did, your boyfriend will understand. Its never any good trying to pretend in a relationship IMO. If it is going to work, you have to be honest with him and explain your situation. I'll bet he will be horrified he had not considered this earlier and will probably be dead relieved that you have not suddenly gone off him!

I'll be thinking of you!!

Mopsy- can only agree with SofiaAmes and oxocube. Please talk to your boyfriend, you say he's lovely so I'm sure he'll understand.

SueDonim - i had thought of a jug but at the moment do not posess a suitable one. I wonder if Pyrex is suitable for steam sterilisers.

Sorry SueDonim, I also meant to say thanks for the suggestion !

mopsy, nothing to add to the excellent advice already given by sofiaames and oxocube, but can i just also say well done for coping with the situation in general.

best wishes.

Mopsy - please ring your boyfriend!! I'm sure he is so confused and upset, but will be amazed to find out how you feel and the real reason for your refusal (and secretly pleased that you have proved you are not after him for his money!). God, I would happily lend you anything in my wardrobe if it would be of use to you but whatever, do go to the wedding. Borrow something, buy it from M&S and return it the following week (I used to do this for job interviews in a poverty-stricken, post university period), or wear something old. Nobody will care. He obviously loves you and fancies you as you are anyway. Get on the phone!

Oh Mopsy, how awful! I do hope you've called him by now and explained: I bet he had no idea why you really dipped out. I know the feeling of being broke and not being able to go out because you can't pay your way, it's horrible. I've also been a single mum so I know how hard that can be. Lots of sympathy. I really hope you can sort this out between you. And explain about the wedding too. Thinking of you.

Ionesmum, pyrex would be fine in a steam steriliser. Or you could sterilise it using one of the other methods if it doesn't fit. Good luck, anyway!