Anyone else having a bad day?

[PamT]

I woke up to hear DD yelling at 5am with an extremely stinky nappy - no going back to sleep there. So I went downstairs, switched the computer on and received 3 e-mails all containing the Klez virus, fortunately dealt with by Norton's Anti Virus before they did any damage but it took a bit of sorting out and checking. DD was in a foul mood and wouldn't eat breakfast so most of it went on the floor.

Yesterday wasn't much better, I was woken by the neighbour's car alarm going off at 5.30am and managed to get a stone chip in the car windscreen on the way to playgroup, not a bad one but right in the line of vision so the screen will have to be replaced and unfortunately isn't covered on the insurance.

Grrrrrrrrrrrr! Hope tomorrow is better.

Nutjob

You have my sympathies, both my ds's had the stomach bug on thurs and fri last week, the older one was really bad, so much washing to do and clearing up "the mess" to put it politely. Then I have felt rough all weekend, really nauseous and now last night I have been sick and had really bad diarrhoea, so I know how you feel. You poor thing, the last thing you need is your period isn't it?
Stick in there and lets hope things start to improve for you later. AS the song says "Things can only get better"!

Thanks for your kind words kkgirl, hope you are also feeling better really soon. Hugs Nutjob

Nutjob

Have just logged in again. My ds who is off school because his tummy hurts has been doing sums all morning so at least we can spend some time together slumped on the sofa, trouble is he is really good at sums and I can't keep up with him.
Hope things aren't too bad for you this morning, and you are managing to cope, being a mum can be the most rewarding in the world, but also the hardest.
I remember one year my dh had pneumonia and I had bronchitis, but he is very strong and he was taking ds to school and then we both were trying to look after twins who had just decided to give up the daytime naps, and we ended up laughing so much because we felt so ill we couldn't look after ourselves let alone anyone else. We often think back on that and laugh about how we coped and you have to if you don't have anyone else to help out.
Take care. Thanks for the hugs and heres some back

kkgirl, Blimey, my day sounds like nothing in comparision to what you've dealt with. Actually, things have calmed down a bit. 400mg Ibruprofen have dealt with my period pains, the plumber has just fixed my toilet (hurrah!!!!) and dd is asleep on the sofa. Bliss (for half an hour at least!!)

Your story reminded my of when dh, ds and I all had the BIG flu over christmas 99/00. It was awful, I was also 8 months pregnant with dd and all we could do was huddle up on the sofa together a shiver. As you say being a mum is the best job in the world, but it's also bloody hard work!!!!

Take it easy and get better soon

Aaargh - I need a rant (sorry ) I've just been hauled over the coals by my manager-from-hell, in front of everyone, for not doing some work which was apparently allocated to me while I was on holiday, but which no-one saw fit to actually tell me I was supposed to be doing. So he's now demanding I come in over the weekend to do it. And that's on top of him habitually keeping me in the office so late every night that I already don't get to see DS awake between one Sunday teatime and the next Saturday morning.

And if that's not bad enough, because all this (the weekday situation that is - I haven't a clue how I'm going to manage the weekend) means that DH is having to look after DS 4 evenings a week (he goes to MiL's the other one), DH is refusing to do absolutely ANYTHING around the house except to get himself meals. So I get home to find the beds unmade, dirty dishes still on the table, the loo unflushed....

If DH was having to work the sort of hours I'm having to, I'm sure he wouldn't expect to come home and find things left in that state, but he just can't see that. All he seems to be able to do is think about how the situation is restricting his midweek social life, so he has to "get back" at me for it. When I do finally manage to escape from the office and get home all I want is some sympathy and respite from the constant put-downs I get at work, but DH won't even speak to me unless it's to complain about how hard done by HE is by the situation.

I seem to be spending half my life at the moment crying into the washing up, into my keyboard, onto the ironing.... and no-one even notices, let alone seems to care.

Please will someone tell me that this isn't going to go on forever.

(Sorry about the rather incoherant rant - I'm not thinking very straight right now )

GillW, first of all big sympathy, sounds like you are having a really, really horrible time. What do you do? What will happen if you say "no" to your manager? Why do you have to work late every night? Any chance you could get a cleaner, send your ironing out etc to take a bit of pressure off?
Tell us more....

GillW, sorry you're having such a hard time. Why are all men such selfish b*? My ex used to do the same, if he was looking after dd while I was out, he didn't do ANYTHING else.
Sorry not much help I know. Can only hope things will improve.

Gillw, Sorry you are having a bad day, and hope it gets better. Before I had DS I used to be a manager, and would never dream of bollocking a member of staff infront of anyone else, this is very unprofessional. It would be easy for me to say can't you report him, but don't know your work situation and don't want to make things worse for you. Hope everything works out though.

Gillw, am I right in thinking it was you with the manager who wanted you to leave home at 5am or something to get to work ridiculously early when you had to be in another town? Apologies if not but if so, what an arse your boss is! Truly unreasonable. Can you write an email explaining that you weren't told about the work (HIS fault, surely?) and suggest some way it could be done without your working the weekend? Your DH deserves a slap too, how unreasonable.

Gillw - sounds like you have having a rough time. That was so unprofessional of your boss - I don't know your situation but if I were you I would take your boss aside and talk to him and ask him not to humiliate you in an open office again! Don't know what you can do about dh (these are more difficult than bosses) - typical man - if he were working the hours you can be sure you would be expected to do everything else. I would tackle your work situation first and try to find some way of reducing your overtime or working more flexibly. Then the dh... good luck

www - yes same guy. Unfortunately he takes unreasonable to the point where you can't reason with him.

I've just written to HR asking them to send me a copy of the UK working time regulations (which I know but am pretending not to, so I can get it in writing from them) which say things like you can only be required to work an average of 48 hours a week, you have a right to 11 hours rest a day, a right to a day off each week, and a right to an in-work rest break if the working day is longer than six hours (mine's nearer double that, even without the travelling time, and he-who-must-be-obeyed says you're not working hard enough if you stop for lunch).

With any luck, they might come back and ask why I need to know. Even if they don't I might just not do the stuff at the weekend and quote the regulations at him if he objects. I don't suppose doing that would actually make my life any easier next week, but it can't make it much worse.

How rotten a boss you have. Go for it on the working time regs. My day isn't as bad as yours but thought I would let you know it's not fantastic. I like knowing if others are having a bad day as then I feel like I'm not alone.

Yesterday we had to tell people whether they were redundant or not. Not a pleasant job at all and then today I find out I'm not pregnant this month and I really wish I was.

It's not as bad as your day but at least you know it's not a bed of roses for all of us.

GillW - sorry to hear you're having such a rough time. Does your employer have a written policy on bullying in the workplace? Might be worth checking what it covers if they do.

GillW - I would just point blank refuse to do it! Tell him this weekend is not convenient and too short notice. He can't fire you for that.... surely!??

Is there any way at all you could sit down with your boss and tell him what a strain his requirements are putting on your family life?. Any chance of a move internally to a different role?. You're DH sounds very resentful indeed not to say unfair.

I can sympathise as I work in a culture where I can suddenly get landed with a load of work that has to be done over a weekend but thankfully it is relatively rare.

GillW, no advice really but big commiserations. Shame there is no-one you can write to for a policy document you can hit your dh over the head with...selfish so and so. Really hope he bucks his ideas up soon.

May I be very honest here?
If I was you I'd tell DH to pull his bloody finger out ad do some housework......I'd scream it at him until he listened. As for your boss, find another Job and tell himto F* off in front of all his devotees and walk out!

If your DH won't do anything in the house, I'd do all the stuff for you and the kids and leave his for him to do himself, his washing, ironing, washing up, Blimey I even make only half the bed and tell him I've got enough to do without having to do all his aswell.

Maybe I'm just abit too hot-headed though!
Hope things start to look better soon.

Oh Gill - What a bum deal.
How unfair that you get sh*t on from all sides when it's quite bad enough when one of the home/work sides is stressful.

Is there any chance of looking for another job? Easier said than done I know but if the boss is likely to stay put then in the long term it might make sense. Being treated as you are at the momnet could push most people 'over the edge' if it goes on long enough.
Yes you dh is being utterly unreasonable - but far too large a proportion of them just are. They just don't seem able to ''see'' the unfairness of situations that would hit a woman in the face.
I know from my dh that criticising him about it AT ALL would just lead to a major and completely counter productive row - what I'd need to do is the whole sitting down together and explaining how I'M not coping becasue of the whole situation and explain what I would need to happen ( ie him do a load more) if I were to cope at all with it. And loads of acknowledging what a bum deal it is for him too. ( yes hard to do what it is infinitely worse for you - but with my dh it would be the only way to get thru to him - he responds well to praise and BADLY to criticism)
Anyhow - hope you manage to stumble thru it all in one piece - much wine or chocolate - or both called for I think!

GillW, I have to say that your boss is being a bit of a bully from what you have said and perhaps, like all bullies, needs to be stood up to? I know it is very easy for me to say that as it would not be my job on the line if things went pear shaped.

You could go further in your request for info and ask about any policy documents on bullying/harrassment; equal opportunities etc and hope that someone in HR will have a strong word with your boss as a result...

I hope things improve for you at home too - it sounds dreadful that you are not getting a respite from all this stress at home or work.
sis

Thanks everyone. I think half the problem is that in an office of about 30 people I'm the only female, the only one with a family, the only one who lives a long way out from of the city, and the only one beyond the "bachelor life" stage - so what I'm objecting to doing doesn't actually seem that unrealistic to most of the other "young bucks" I have to work with who just see late working as a good excuse for a night on the town afterwards.

I'm a bit calmer now about it all. It helps that DH finally seems to have got the message that he was going ott - or perhaps he's read this and been shamed into it - and is being a bit more civil today.

I'm definately NOT going in at the weekend though, after discovering that the stuff I was kept late to do yesterday was only considered a low priority "fit it in when there's a gap in the schedule" job by the client, not the urgent requirement that I was told. If it really is urgent I don't mind pulling out the stops to get it down, but if Mr Nasty wants to cry wolf for unimportant things he'll have to live with the consequences.

glad things seem a bit better for you gill, in the short term at least. and i know , i know, i know - easier said than done ..but this is affecting your home life , which affects your family. from the little i have read i think situations reversed with your dh - i might be at home thinking "sod it, i work too and am looking after the kid..mumbel mumble..hes off with the big boys in the city mumble mumbel... family second best mumble mumbel" at the same time you think hes a pig and unapreciative of your efforts

so the point i am coming too is - as you know this has been your situation for some time and its not likely to improve (unless you buy rat poison and somebondage gear a la dolly parton), then you need to think long term about quality of life stuff. again i know easier said than done, but if someone says "quit" you will think its unreasonable advice, however "think about the long term future and how to change things think about financial stuff versus being happy" seems dooable.

i think when i look back when i am in my old person nappies, incontenant and unable to move, with nothing but memories to pass the time, i want to have lots of memories to look back on, not bad ones about work, i dont want to look back and be bitter that my kids didnt appreciate everything i did, and dont come to see me ( cos i smell) i want memories which will make me smile.

i dont want to be rich, i want to be happy - i have a bank rich with memories which make me smile

perversley

should i happen to win the lottery i always think i would rather be rich and unhappy than poor!

GillW - he sounds like a total inadequate t***, your boss. Glad you're not going in this weekend. Hard, hard, hard I know but you must get support from other colleagues, HR (bombard them with requests for legislation about bullying, working time regs etc so that you are noticed), record ALL these acts in a diary, get a colleague to acknowledge that they witnessed them, join a union if not already in one. There'a a website about bullying in the workplace, I'll post it when I find the link.

Enjoy your self this w/e, stuff work. But don't let the b* etc, get him sorted out and/or get help in getting a transfer/new line manager if possible. Work is NOT important enough to affect how you feel, especially when you are at home.

Good luck

There's some stuff on here which may be useful

here