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Original poster

Are you anti-abortion? why?

359 replies

HAPPYFACE · 21/10/2006 08:04

Reading another thread has made me keep thinking this question. I don't understand how anyone can be totally one way.
For me I think it is up to each person and I wouldn't judge anyones decision.
I personally think that whether to keep a child is complex. It changes your life forever when you have children! I don't see how it is beneficial to mother or child if their lives will be miserable.
You only get ONE LIFE and need to make the most of it.

OP posts:
mummisery · 21/10/2006 23:29

God why would anyone want to use abortion as contraception its soul destroying

dizzydesperatehousewife · 21/10/2006 23:47

Right I have read the whole post so here goes.
I stand by my view and will not apologise for the use of certain words because they caused offense and were no pc enough for this thread.

Infact I am a bit pissed off that unless your view is the majority pro choice blah blah blah then your view is not tolerated.

I am also saddened that so many mothers think that for whatever reason it is ok to abort a baby. I can't empathise with this because personally I can't understand it and yes I admit I am guilty of seeing this as a very right from wrong situation.

I however hold these beliefs myself and in rl many of my friends have had abortions and although I secretly resent and hate what they did I still love them for their other qualities and also feel humble enough to not want to be the one to judge them and make them feel worse. I think because the computer is so impersonal it was easier to be open about my views and on reflection this wasn't very sensitive - and believe it or not I do care and feel sad for people who feel bad about an abortion they have had.

Personally I wish more people viewed abortion as I do and then less would be done. Before I had my baby I was much more pro choice but I saw his heartbeat at 6weeks and again at 12 then 20 and I felt him move time and time again all before he was born and considered viable. I'm sorry I just can't agree with the majority but do not want to add more pain to this post.

Schokofruhstucksflockenhasseri · 22/10/2006 00:19

spot on custy.

carol3 · 22/10/2006 00:31

I did i pre nursing course when i was 16 and was shown a 14 week old featus preserved in a jar. it will always stay with me and made me anti abortion for me but I wouldn't judge anyone else as i believe in personal choice.

BATtymumma · 22/10/2006 01:26

As i stated in my earlier post, i have had 3 terminations. 2 were because my partner raped me. he was abusive and i already had a child that had Sn. i really couldn't at that time see myself with another child...i also couldn't face the fact that the pregnancy probably wouldnt reach full term. i had already had ine miscarriage through a punch to the stomach.

On both occasions i cried as i went into theatre and again when i woke up. yes i did have a sense of releife. this will sound absolutly bizaar to anyone from the anti camp but i felt a relife for that baby, that it would never need to know the life it would have had.

my 3rd termination was because of an eptopic pregnancy...quite simply it was the baby or both of us. i really didn't have much of an option.

Since my terminations i have had my DD. she is also the consequence of rape. I look at her now and (especially since seeing this thread) feel such guilt about the 2 children that i refused life.
i see how beautifull she is and what an amzing child she is and think of what might have been, maybe if i had continued with the pregnancies i would have left him sooner? maybe things would have been different in many ways.....there is only one certainty and that is that my DD wouldn't be here...so i can never be too upset by my decision.

If i had to go through it all again i guess i would probably have done it differently. i dont look at my DD and see him, i dont get angry at her for what he did to me...she is justteh silver lining of a very black cloud.

So yes, despite it being in such stark contrast to my own views, and indeed actions i can understand every word of what your saying DHW.

I just think that it is very easy to say how you would behave in any given situation until your actually living it...then things change.

lulumama · 22/10/2006 07:47

"In fact I am a bit pissed off that unless your view is the majority pro choice blah blah blah then your view is not tolerated".

DDH - if you choose to post on a sensitive topic, where people are opening their hearts about something that they struggled with...and your view does not take into account that struggle..then yes, people will not tolerate those things...

especially when , for one so 'unempathetic' you chose some very strong & emotive words.

if you had a really big moral dilemma...posted on here and then people said things that could be construed as deliberately hurtful and cruel... would you not expect an apology if you were really hurt? rather than a reiteration of those views...

Batymuma...what a brave and honest post.....

lulumama · 22/10/2006 07:57

DDH - i am not saying you should change your view...it's your opinion...you're entitled to express it....

lulumama · 22/10/2006 07:57

DDH - i am not saying you should change your view...it's your opinion...you're entitled to express it....

spooksRus · 22/10/2006 08:03

I'm not anti,but wouldnt do it myself!
I know there are times that its the only answer. Everyone has freedom to choose,but for me its, you know the consiquenses(sp) when you play the game!!

buktus · 22/10/2006 08:10

probably the most stupid comment i have heard on here yet, a lot of abortions take place following a rape scenario, i am sure as you put it not playing the game doesnt come into it

kittythescarygoblin · 22/10/2006 08:16

Bm. I am so sorry for what has happened to you, you are a very brave woman.
I do not feel angry towards those people whose life expereince doesn't allow them to be to be able to see things in the the shades of grey that life holds. Perhaps at some point they will be more open minded.

Part of me really wishes I didn't do it, but part of me knows I wouldn't have the children i do have if I had kept it. But one thing I will never feel is shame. no woman should EVER EVER feel ashamed because she needed to terminate.

Spannapiana · 22/10/2006 09:05

I haven't read the entire thread, but quite a lot of it...

I don't understand how anyone can say they are anti or for abortion unless they personally are faced with their own dilemma.

I was always in the anti abortion except if raped category, til about early 20's. Then my room mate in halls of residence went on an anti abortion protest, came back with a massive poster saying "abortion kills children" on it and stuck it on our room dor on the outside. I was mortified that someone might think they were my views, and it certainly made me question them, as I thought I agreed with her. I was anti abortion for me personally, but it's a personal choice.

I then had my son as a single mum at 29 (unplanned) but I was ready for a child, with or without the boyfriend and knew I could provide a good life for him. Whilst bringing him up alone for 3.5 years, I fell pregnant again, with different person. I had an abortion. No one persuaded me into it, but I rationalised by thinking...I'm still single, I will have less money, more tied to raising children rather than working, 2 different fathers yet still not with anyone, so who will want me, blabla. I get sad on occasion and it was a bloody horrible thing to have to go through, but I don't regret it.

I met my husband and within a short space of time, fell pregnant (planned). Sadly, we lost the baby at 16 weeks' pregnant. They don't call it an miscarriage, they call it an abortion. This was due to me having no choice but to take a pill to induce giving birth as it was so late on. I had no choice because due to haemorraghing (can never spell that word) I got an infection. If I took antibiotics, the baby would die. If I didn't, we both would have died. So no tough choices, but a heartbreaker nonetheless. We were even made to go to the funeral for him and my husband carried the coffin...a torturous time for us, even now when we talk about it.

3 months later, I fell pregnant again, we got married, and now have a lovely 5 month old ds. And pregnant again! (Also planned). So life is good now, even tho we've had some shit along the way.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that everyone's life is different, and needs to be considered carefully, and personally. No one will live it but you, so those with strong opinions, please be more sensitive!

Zippetydoodahzippetyday · 22/10/2006 09:23

There are times when I think to myself - how could I give life to my two children but then decide to have an abortion. It felt right at the time but now I feel will always think about the "what ifs..." for the rest of my life. I sometimes visualise another child running by the side of my two and think why wasn't I strong enough at the time.

Don't make the mistake of thinking we are not punished mentally for what we thought was right. We have to live with it every day.

lulumama · 22/10/2006 10:21

spann {sad] but also a good honest post.....".No one will live it but you, so those with strong opinions, please be more sensitive!"

exactly...!

Spannapiana · 22/10/2006 10:25

Just had chat with dh about this thread...his views were very different when younger, but as you have life experiences, I think people mellow...and generally are more understanding.

dizzydesperatehousewife · 22/10/2006 10:25

I guess from what i'm getting from this thread is it is ok to have strong opinions as long as you keep them to yourself and they don't upset anyone else.
This in itself makes me quite angry really, especially because it is quite an emotive subject and it is so important.
To be honest anyone pro-abortion really really upsets me and I could use a lot stronger words but have chosen not to in an attempt to be as sensitive as I can.
People with my views are the voice of the aborted child they have no other advocates.
I think deep down a lot of people pro choice have the same views as me but don't allow themselves to accept them because it is not pc. That is why my words have outraged so many. If they weren't hitting a nerve then people would not be jumping to defence in quite the same way.
Every poster has an individual story, some I deeply sympathise with and to be honest some I do not - the same as with real life.
I think it is very out of order for anyone to assume that just because you haven't been in a situation means you don't know what you would do when faced with it.
Morals are morals and they do not change just because the situation becomes more difficult. If you are a person with strong beliefs and a deep sense of right and wrong then you know what you would do. It is only those that sit on the fence that can be swayed either way. I do know what I would do....granted maybe not how I would feel but certainly what I would do.
The posters on here assume that the majority do a lot of soul searching before making this decision I can tell you from experience that probably just as many don't. Abortions everyday are given for convenience and contraception ( I have worked in a gyneacology department). There are a significant number of women who have multiple abortions and a great many that laugh and joke to and from theatre or even whilst they are having medical management.
I don't want to ban abortion but I would change the law tighten up the time constraints and make it less accessable. I would also insist that women having their third abortion unless for medical reasons are sterilised.

buktus · 22/10/2006 10:27

i dont think people with no experience of the matter should keep their opinions to theirselves oor at least express their views sensitively, the decisions that are made are never made lightly and from experience the hardest decision i have made yet

buktus · 22/10/2006 10:31

sorry meant i do think they should keep opinions to their selves, sorry trying to type with 10 month old helping

lulumama · 22/10/2006 10:32

i said you are entitled to your opinion/...why get angry or be surprised when people are hurt & outraged...that's their opinion!

"I would also insist that women having their third abortion unless for medical reasons are sterilised."

dizzydesperatehousewife · 22/10/2006 10:36

I know one women who had an abortion in the second trimester to punish her dp as she found out he had had an affair 3 years before - should I not have an opinion about that....

HumphreyComfrey · 22/10/2006 10:36

I have asked for my first posting on this thread to be deleted.

Describing my experiences in order to try and demonstrate that decisions are rarely as easy as just deciding whether to let a baby live or die was a complete waste of time.

I am shocked by some of the sanctimonious, ignorant and ill-informed opinions on this thread.

I am also stunned by the lack of understanding and empathy that some women have for others, and how they feel it is appropriate to repeatedly criticise and name call, even once it has become clear how much hurt they have caused.

foundintranslation · 22/10/2006 10:38

OMG forced sterilisation, wha a horrendous thought, recalls some very very dark times.

pucca · 22/10/2006 10:39

I don't think it is the same...as in BEING in the situation to TRYING to put yourself in the situation.

I will be very honest now in saying before having my abortion i was actually anti abortion, then i got pg in the situation i was in. Now personally i couldn't have another abortion (not ever) because of the turmoil i went through, i had a nervous breakdown due to the guilt of it all. I believe everyone is allowed a mistake.

I have tortured myself good style over my abortion, even looking at anti abortion websites(with THOSE pics) punishing myself for what i did, and i figure hey if i am going to hell this is the reason for it and i will deal with the consequences...so i certainly don't need anyone (who has never been through it) telling me what a bad thing it is, i have lived it, and i punish myself for it, don't need anyone else to do that for me.

dizzydesperatehousewife · 22/10/2006 10:40

I also know of someone who slept with an african colleague found out she was pg and didn't know if it was his or her white dh's so told her dh the baby was disabled and had an abortion.

kittythescarygoblin · 22/10/2006 10:40

DDH I am not easily shocked by what people say.
This is appalling "I would also insist that women having their third abortion unless for medical reasons are sterilised."
It is incredibly narrow minded to think the way you do. Far too simplistic and a very childlike way of looking at the world.
You talk about morals. You do not have any idea how your views and attitudes will be until you are faced with a situation. To say "I would\wouldn't do thid that or the other" is frankly ridiculous