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Original poster

Are you anti-abortion? why?

359 replies

HAPPYFACE · 21/10/2006 08:04

Reading another thread has made me keep thinking this question. I don't understand how anyone can be totally one way.
For me I think it is up to each person and I wouldn't judge anyones decision.
I personally think that whether to keep a child is complex. It changes your life forever when you have children! I don't see how it is beneficial to mother or child if their lives will be miserable.
You only get ONE LIFE and need to make the most of it.

OP posts:
Bugsy2 · 21/10/2006 21:15

I am pro-choice (as far as it exists).
Abortion is not black & white because it involves individuals with unique situations. I hate to say this, but there are serial abortionists. Ask anyone who has worked in Obs & Gynae. However, for the small percentage of women for whom this is just one of many options for not having a baby, there is a much greater percentage for whom it is a last and often deeply regreted & traumatic option.
I think in very emotive subjects it is deeply unhelpful to say things like abortion is murder. It takes no account whatsoever of the actual people involved and their unique circumstances.
I thank my lucky stars that I have never found myself unexpectadly & unhappily pregnant. I would be desperately torn as to what to do.

Toady · 21/10/2006 21:16

This is a very difficult one, I personally feel sick at the thought of abortion and could not imagine having one, the only thing that scares me is if I was faced with the decision if I was told I would have a severely disabled baby (there I said it).

I knew one girl who had an abortion because it would affect her career . not judging anyone but ......

ruty · 21/10/2006 21:18

you can't judge a young girl who has had three abortions without knowing her home life. Maybe she was crying out for love and didn't get the help she needed. What about the bloody boys who had sex with her and didn't use condoms? Who knows what her circumstances were, it sounds like she didn't get the help at home or at school that she needed, even if she didn't know it.

MKG · 21/10/2006 21:18

What made me sick is that she kept getting pregnant and her parents kept taking her for abortions. It was like nothing to them. That makes me sick.

MKG · 21/10/2006 21:19

It was the same guy each time.

ruty · 21/10/2006 21:20

sounds like the parents were the problem not her. And as for the boyfriend, why didn't the parents sit them both down and discuss contraception? The poor girl isn't the only one who is culpable.

Spidermama · 21/10/2006 21:22

I don't like the way everyone rounded on diva there for her view and diva I think you behaved with real grace. I would have been less graceful and bitten back.

After all, the words you used were factual and honest. That's what 'termination' means and we all know it. That's why it's such a tough choice for anyone and it does no good whatsoever searching for euphemisms and covering up the reality. That's not giving people genuine informed choice.

MKG · 21/10/2006 21:23

Her parents were a little too permissive and tried too hard at being their kids friends and not hard enough at being parents. It makes me upset that her parents kept taking her. They didn't put her on the pill, they just kept taking her for abortions. They used it as birth control not as a last resort. I should have put it in my original post.

lulumama · 21/10/2006 21:23

spidermama...she made her views plain...and they offended some people...myslef included...if you read my posts you will see why...and i thanked her for the aplogy....she herslef has withdrawn the comments....

lulumama · 21/10/2006 21:24

everyone knows the reality...there are ways of expressing it...

MKG · 21/10/2006 21:27

I know she wasn't the only person who did something wrong, but it's sad to see someone make the same mistak over and over and do nothing about it. I believe in personal responsibility and she didn't take any. The only thing she did right was say "Mom, I'm pregnant again". (We all know there are some kids that wouldn't do that)

ruty · 21/10/2006 21:34

but i do think it comes down to the her upbringing and the parents' attitude as you describe it.

mummisery · 21/10/2006 21:37

I have read the whole of this thread and realise that abortion is a very sensitive subject.

I myself have had a termination and i have never forgotton that baby.I do not agree with abortion but believe in freedom of choice i had no choice.

I am a single parent of two gorgeous children and now my 14yr old is pregnant and she has to make her own choice she has had sex education from me and others she new the risks but is me who is going to have to support my daughter and her child my grandchild. I am not given a choice i cant throw her out and i wont force her to terminate but it has massive implications on all our lives.

I am also adopted and do not see this as an option as it has affected my whole life.

slug · 21/10/2006 21:40

I'm definitly pro choice because when it comes down to it, I am an adult, not a breeding machine.

I understand that many women feel they could never do it. I totally respect that choice. It was how I felt until I found myself unexpectedly pregnant and in difficult circumstances. It wasn't a particularly pleasant experience, but I have never regretted that abortion. Nor am I ashamed of it. I know many women who have never regretted theirs either. I always get a bit antsy at the propoganda that all women who have abortions regret them. Nope, not me.

mymama · 21/10/2006 22:15

for those on this thread who have shared their experiences and for partial birth abortion. Did not know they even existed until this thread.

abortion is not black and white and I personally believe there are some valid reasons. What about a 12 year old girl who has been raped by her father? Then there are instances where the baby is born but what life do they have - the drug addict who injected her 10 day old baby killing it, the 6 month old babies "starring" in pornography. I will admit that I wish their mothers had considered terminating.

kittythescarygoblin · 21/10/2006 22:29

I must say that I had never thought that some abortions were more "right or wrong" than others. Abortion is abortion.
I made the difficult decision to have mine because it was not the right time in my life. I was just starting out in my job, I hadn't been with my boyfrind for very long etc. etc.

I do not think that I should therefore be put in a different category to someone who has one, say because they are in an abusive relationship, or God forbid, have been raped.

For most women it is an extraorinarily difficult decision to make. No one should say it's ok. on some circumsyances but not in others. Who are they to make that sort of judgement about another person's life?

pucca · 21/10/2006 22:37

Kitty.....For any woman who has had a abortion their reason is valid, it is our decision as a individual to make and therefore live with that decision.

What annoys me is some people who have never been in the situation of going through with a abortion don't realise how soul destroying and awful it is, not just the physical aspects but the mental ones too.

Now i have probably come across as being quite hard about my abortion but that is just defending myself i guess, i found it extremely difficult and even suffered a nervous breakdown afterwards, and now 5 years on i do still think of my baby...so anyone who thinks it is a simple easy way out be very mistaken.

kittythescarygoblin · 21/10/2006 22:49

Pucca
I do really understand how you feel. Sometimes it is easier to be hard on the surface and just 'get on with things', but underneath you suffer.
I think I only really began to recover and the nightmares stopped once I began to have children.
I think whether I could ever do that again. Certainly never for an accidental pregnancy. But i am in a completely different set of circumstances now to the first time.
But I think if say the baby I'm carrying now was found to have some horrible disabilities I don't think I could carry on with the preganacy. I couldn't do that to my family. But I know that sort of decision would haunt me for the rest of my life and I keep all my fingers and toes crossed for the scan in a couple of weeks.

ruty · 21/10/2006 22:59

Oh God i would rather not know such terrible things exist. Sometimes i really hate human beings.

ruty · 21/10/2006 23:00

i'm talking about what mymama described btw.

izzybiz · 21/10/2006 23:14

I had a termination 2 years ago. At the end of my pregnancy with my Dd i became extremely ill, i was hospitalised and eventually blood tests showed i had accute fatty liver of pregnancy, which is very rare and very dangerous for mother and baby. I was induced and recovered, i was advised by my consultant not to have anymore children.
When my Dd was 8 weeks old we had a family holiday to spain, a wonderful chance to relax and recover for me.
My Dp and i got close one night, and to cut the story short i became pregnant again.
It absolutely tore me apart to have to make that decision to terminate , but i had to think of the children i already had.
I had waited 11 years to have my Dd after having my Ds at just 16, and i was so ill with Dd, i could have died and left my Dp with my teenage son and a baby.
I think i will always wonder "what if?" but like others have said nothing is black and white.
But ican honestly say, if i were to fall pg again
I would never have another abortion, its too hard and too painful, its definately not the easy way out.
Sorry its long! once i got started!

Spidermama · 21/10/2006 23:16

izzy I'm sorry.

divastrop · 21/10/2006 23:24

i withdrew my comment because i realised i was judging other people which ihave no right to do.pucca's comment shocked me and i realised some people may judge me for going through with a pregnancy to a man i knew was violent,of bringing children into an unstable environment and an unhappy home.but i did what was right for me at the time,just as those who chose to have abortions under difficult circumstances did what was right for them at the time.

mymama · 21/10/2006 23:26

in my post I wasn't meaning some reasons were valid and some not. Was more directed at those who said there were no good reasons under any circumstances. Each woman's decision is their own and is valid to them.

My friend had a termination last year due to medical reasons and it devastated her. Her baby was very much wanted and planned but she already has a ds who needs a heart transplant and doesn't look like getting one. Her baby showed same heart condition only much worse. She is still on ADs because of breakdown she had after it. Easy to say let the baby die naturally with dignity but until you have walked a day in their shoes you really can't comment.

Tortington · 21/10/2006 23:26

i am against abortion in most circumstances. i feel its being used as a form of contraception - in place of contraception - rather than failed contraception.

there are extenuating circumstances - many on this thread.