This is a VERY sensitive subject, I know, but I am curious to know just how big a problem this is

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

How many people on here have been assaulted/raped and have either reported or not reported it?

I found out that the conviction rate rapes was just 6% . 6% of reported rapes. There are many many many more that go unreported. I want to know roughly what kind of figure we are looking at. Please change your name if need be, but do post.....

I'll start..

Me - unreported.

This thread tells a sorry story about how we educate and socialise our boys... it's all so wrong, you've all made me cry with your brave revalations, and it's wonderful that the women that have suffered at the hands of men are strong and whole despite their ordeals

I'm humbled by you brave women and shocked by the sheer numbers.......

In response to the original post, I've never experienced abuse or rape - I just never realised how fortunate I've been.

Ashamed Shepard thanks for your post re paranoid feelings re men around your children, nappies etc and you too NDP, thought it was just me.

I don't know if this is of any relevance to anyone but as my rape happened when I was 17, I'm now 39, I sometimes feel like I would report it now in a heartbeat but considering the challenge women face getting to even trial staus when it's happened recently, I think I'd have no hope now. Though tbh and this is only my personal oppinion/story but as with the situation of my father physical/sexual abuse, he now has alzheimers so it's not really an otion for me but my personal therapy although painful has been really beneficial but nothing and I stress nothing compared to the feeling of solidarity and support I have encountered on this thread, thanks again to every single person that posted and an especially big thankyou to VVVQV! x

option even.

I have been away from this since my last message, but feel that I really need to post this now. VVVQV can I first say thank you for starting this thread, although my experience was horrible this is the first time I have felt able to 'talk' about it. I will email you VVVQV when I feel up to it. It has opened the can of worms but it is also probably for the best iykwim. I have been drinking so please excuse if this is muddled up.

I was attacked from behind by a man who put a knife to my throat, he told me not to scream or he would kill me with it. He then led me down an alleyway and kissed me and touched me. He undid my trousers and touched me down there, all the time I was too terrified to scream in case he did kill me, he kept the knife to my throat the whole time. He then pushed himself into me and raped me, still kissing me. When he had done he told me not to tell anyone, that he would find me and kill me if I did. It was only then that he took the knife away and told me I could go. I walked away as quick as I could trying to compose myself. Once I got home I went for a shower and scrubbed until my skin was raw. A few days later I thought about killing myself, then decided that I would report it. I got to the entrance to the police station and couldn't walk through the doors. I had read many stories in teenage magazines about people not being believed and as it was days after thought I wouldn't be either. I read in the paper a few months later a description of a rapist and knew it was the same person. I felt guilty that I hadn't reported it, if I had maybe that person wouldn't have been attacked.

This is the first time I have said that I was raped, and that is quite a major step I feel, every other time I have talked about it I have said I was attacked.

I have a constant reminder of my attack, that is my son. I found out 3 weeks after that I was pg and didn't know whether it was my bf or as a result of the rape. After my first scan I knew the liklihood was that my baby was my bf but I lived with the fact that the father could be the rapist. It turned out that my ds was my bf but still I think about the fact that if I hadn't got pg when I did it could be so different. There was a matter of a few days between when I got pg and the rape. Because I was pg my parents were told that 'somebody tried it on with me' I didn't tell my bf or them what actually happened and never will.
I am sorry this is so long but I just had to write it down, I am sat here in tears, but I unfortunately know that I am not alone anymore so had to tell someone.

this thread has made me recap on mine and dh's policies to the protection of our sons. We are in complete accord and have reaffirmed that one of the mose important aspects is to communicate to our children that they will always be believed.

Going on the stories set out in this thread, do you feel that being armed with that knowledge and conficence would further protect a child from certain types of abuse?

I am so deeply sorry and angry that these things have happened to you. Saying anything else seems inadequat.

I have been reading this thread for days, I did contribute earlier under my real username but giving basic facts. I don't know if this is the right time or the right place to talk about what happened to me, but this has brought it all to the surface and I feel the need to talk about it for the first time since it happened.
Having read some of the stories here though, I feel ridiculous feeling so bad about what happened to me, it was nothing compared to what some of you have been through

Also want to say a huge thank you to vvvqv, this thread is so important for so many reasons, important for those of us who have never felt able to talk about what happened to us until now...and immensly important for highlighting the extent of this. We have to do something with this, it's far too important to just let it disappear into the archives.

Me- unreported sexual abuse as a child over 8 years. My younger sister also abused by the same person. She reported it when she was 9. When questioned by the police/Social Services I denied it had happened to me as I could not forgive myself that I had failed to protect my precious little sister and so I felt like I deserved to have all the abuse myself. It continued for me for another 2 years or so, but she was not abused again. Looking back I regret not reporting it as he would have been sent to prison. It's a deep scar.

Also raped at age 22 in a nightclub toilet, with a swiss army knife at my throat. Reported it but he was let off due to inconclusive DNA evidence (he wore a condom and flushed it down the loo after). Again, I feel partly to blame as I was drunk and had snogged him on the dance floor. Police were wonderfully kind, but evidence was lacking so case never made it to court.

This thread has upset me deeply to read all of your stories. How horrific for so many people to have suffered. I find it hard to face what I went through so tend to ignore it. I do have nightmares and flashbacks though so it is never completely gone. I avoid relationships now too. I just cannot face up to any of it as I have such a good life now I am scared to deal with any of my past. It's easy to say all this on an anonymous website but none of my family know any of this, nor would I put them through it. I already let my sister down in so many ways. I am so ashamed of myself for not being stronger for her, at the very least . You are all so, so brave for sharing these stories with your families/husbands etc.

I've been flashed at as a young child and when older; when a child had someone try to entice me to go away with him (reporting that caused me more upset than the approach); groped - on the Tube I'd stamp on their foot but in John Lewis's I was so surprised I didn't hit him. And once had to threaten to call the police to get someone to stop. Fortunately he thought my flatmates were asleep in bed so he left - actually they were out. Made me a lot more careful afterwards. So I've been pretty lucky.

Think women accept rape too easily - doesn't matter how drunk you are, what you wore or whether you went back to their house if you say no they should stop. YOU are not to blame - THEY are for not controlling themselves. But if we don't teach our sons that then we are to blame for rape.

I MUST get my daughter taught self defence.

Oh nannyk that's horrific It's so sad that so many of us don't feel able to share with our families what happened to us.
I'm a single mum to a little girl and I am so so very scared for her. I have been accused of being 'too overprotective' of her...maybe I am, but how else will I know she's safe?? It's horrible to say it but I don't trust anyone completely, outside of myself and her father with her. The thought of her growing and wanting independence is terrifying for me and I worry that I'm going to give her worries no child should have
I was raped whilst on a date, I was young and very immature..I was also very very drunk. I did report it, and the ordeal the police put me through was much worse than the rape itself They got me a counsellor to be with me whilst I was being examined and interviewed. She spent the whole time telling me about the troubles she'd had with her daughter who'd gone out of control! and then when it came to my having to give my statement decided that she had to get home because her dogs needed feeding and 'You'll just have to cope with this one on your own' !
I was beaten, had sores in my head where he'd pulled out my hair, and was bleeding from being taken so violently. The case didn't get to court, there wasn't enough evidence apparently, how much more they needed I'll never know.

I would never put myself through that again. As sad as it is, I just wouldn't report it if it ever happened again.

I just wanted to add, after so many horrific stories, that I do think it is possible to move on from rape. The stats of this thread are terrible but what would be worse I think is the thought that you are forever defined by such attacks or abuse for the rest of your life.

I would never diminish one persons experience because it didn't corrolate with another. Rape can occur without violence, although for some reason, it is perhaps easier to reconcile what has happened if it does take place; if there is 'evidence' of struggle, you are more likely to be believed. And in our society as we know, the burden of proof still lies with the victim.

I feel I have moved on, that I have managed to leave the trauma behind. i did carry it with me foir many years. Along with other things, it contributed to feeling cursed, but did eventually see that for the self fulfilling fallacy it was.

I hope we can all move on to some extent, to move away from the shame and inexplicable feelings of culpability; and that we can all be more generous of heart when we read of these things in the media and not immedialtly suspect someones motives.

Only a very small percentage of women 'cry rape'. A very small percentage.

Mhamai & dontknowme - thank you. Stories like yours dkm are why people are so reluctant to report it. We need to change this, dont we?

I think you have all been brave in telling your stories, there is no need to thank me for that. I do know how hard it is to talk about it, and I am glad if you think I have helped you do that.

dontliketothinkaboutit - please, please email me whenever you feel ready to. I would like to help you if I can. I understand you feeling guilty, and why you couldnt report it, and that you felt you didnt fight enough. But you did the right thing for you at the time. You didnt make this happen to you. The word rape is so so hard to say, almost humiliating to admit.

If anyone would like to email me to talk, please CAT me. If you cant CAT me, email me at [email protected].

nannyk, you didnt let your sister down at all. The abuser let YOU and your sister down. No child should feel responsible for something like that. You didnt deserve to be punished for not protecting your sister - you were a CHILD.

I am one of the lucky ones. I haven't been assaulted or raped.

Am and so, so, to read this thread. I am so very sorry for all you mnetters who have had to go through such horrific ordeals. Some of the stories are almost unbelievable - the lack of support for and belief in your experiences is shocking.
It makes me very afraid for my dd. I'm going to buy the book 'The Right Touch: Read-Aloud Story to Help Prevent Child Sex Abuse' that someone recommended. I want dd and ds to know that they can ALWAYS come to me. The amount of people who were abused as children by family members and close friends is truly, truly frightening. You have to trust people but then again...

My heart goes out to all you courageous women who shared your stories. Thank you.

My 'experience" is relatively minor & trivial compared to so many on here. Iave read through the who;e thread and I can't tell you how it has made me feel. Whilest reading yo have all made me think and start to put 2 & 2 together.

When I was 5/6 me & my siblings (1 sister, 1 brother & half brother) used to play across the road at our parents friends house. NBothing unusual in that! BUT, he was a single guy, recently divorced. Wife left taking 2 (I think) children. Deff 1 boy/1 girl. Always an assortment of childrens yoys round for us to play with. I remeber an incident just as I was about to go home, where he came out of his garage, holding a box by his waist & asked if I would like to see his "mouse". Being 5 said yes, and he said I could stroke it too...I did. Funny things is I can only remember the 1 occasion, but remember remembering at the time "oh...the mouse again"

It didn't actually strike me until a few years ago what the "mouse" was. Had blocked all this out along with alot more of my childhood. I confinded in a friend who laughed...that made sure I never mentioned it again!

Now my half brother is inside for abusing his children and some of their friends. He feels he did nothing wrong...he has tho, told my dad that it was his (my dads) fault that he was like this & had done this. Because he "let" it happen. NOW, my dad didn't know what was going...I am sure of it, he would have killed him, no doubt! I think half brother meant it in a plea for help kind of way. Now, I can't help thinking that this guy abused my half brother....I can just see the links....and it scares me. I can't tell my dad what happened, he is in enough termoil over it being "his fault" that this would be tha last straw!

I am hoping that my incident won't get laughed at like it was by my "friend" (I know it won't, you guys aren't like that).

My one grievence with this thread however (please god, hope this doesn't come out wrong) is that those who haven't been subjected to any kind of horror say they are lucky. But we shouldn't have to be lucky...it is our RIGHT to not get violated....isn't it???

There is nothing trivial about your circumstances. I wonder if your friend laughed because of nerves, or not knowing what to say, perhaps?

Possibly vvvqv, I just remember hr sayin "it was his willy FFS, didn't you know that? And she laughed, muttering about a mouse..." But she was always very much "my problems are bigger and better than yours" I get the idea that if I had laughed off an incident like this that had happened to her, I would have been uncaring....a bad friend. She was very controllling, but that's another thread....

But then again..it was the one problem of mine that she never shared or mentioned again!

Oh, she sounds like a bit of an idiot. I find it hard to believe a child the age you were, would actually know what they were looking at. In fact, I might even go so far as to say I would be worried if a child of that age knew what they were looking at.

People with attitudes like hers really dont help, do they?

No, they don't. At all. maybe that's why I feel it is trivial, if she hadn't laughed it off, I mean she was my best friend. But now i am finding out that I really did put up with a lot of sh1te from her, this being "brised off" being just 1 thing. I am quite an emtional person, feel very vunerable sometimes and it took alot to tell her, I just feel like she let me down...

brushed off

Not sure I belong here when I was 12 - on a school trip to france a bloke tried to finger me in a public toilet - My friend took me to the teachers - they did not report it - I heard them talking about me saying i was very niave and had it been one of the other gilrls thay may not have been as shocked as I was..
I don't think I got it at the time..the bloke approached me from behind put his had under my bum and tried to stick his finger up my fanny - now I feel pretty angry really taht the teachers brushed it off - maybe i was too embarrassed to tel them how it was. but really shouldn't thay have taken it more seriously

Its a very common theme running through this thread, that people have been let down by family, friends, police, establishment etc.

What gets me is how many people didn't believe...the people we trusted, loved...didn't believe or thought is wasn't relevant, or wasn't important....if the people we love & trust don't take it on board, then how the hell can the police/courst be expected to be any different???

Too common vvvqv, far too common! and

Mrs A, dont feel like that, everyone's experiences are valid. It must have been pretty frightening for you.