This is such a shocking thread on so many levels and nothing I can say will make it better, make any sense of it all, but I didn't think I could read it and then walk away saying nothing.
I too am one of the "lucky" ones .... I have never been raped, nor serially abused in one way or another ..... though for many many years the thought and fear of being raped practically paralysed me when it came to travelling anywhere in the dark, and I rejected countless opportunities because of that fear (I would only go somewhere if I had a lift from someone I knew, or could afford a taxi from a repuatble firm).
What's struck me - as I think many others have already articulated far better than me is the scale of the whole problem about a woman's body being her own. I don't want to say anything which might appear to diminish the trauma that many of you have been through, but aside from the "obvious" examples of rape and/or abuse (including rape & sexual assault), it's also striking how many women have read this thread and then recalled other, "minor" incidents where their privacy and right to be respected was compromised.
And how many of those women shared the attitude that such occurences were almost to be "expected" and were therefore of little consequence and/or not worth bothering to report.
I am one of "those" women too. This thread has reminded me as well of incidents which were frightening and sickening at the time, but which, because they could be classed as "minor" were played down by me !!!
How can it be that we have somehow been brought up, both within our own families, and within wider society, to have so little respect for ourselves, and furthermore, by brushing such incidents to the side, almost be compliant about them ? Okay - when it happened to us we didn't like it, we may have objected (or been stunned into disbelieving inaction) but then our perpetrators walked away .............. with their belief of "invincibility" reinforced by our failure to act.
Yes ........ I know there are 101 reasons why we (collectively) often don't object and/or report things. But what kind of so-called civilised society is it we're supposed to live in where many of us are scared to seek justice?
I too believe I was assualted by a GP, but did nothing. I didn't question what he asked of me, nor did I report it even though I immediately felt uncomfortable. Why didn't I refuse, why didn't I walk away ? ...... I was an adult woman, seeking a repeat pill prescription from a locum GP. He asked if I examined my breasts regularly and when, like probably many women, I confessed I did "when I remembered" he offered to "check for me". Why was that necessary ? ..... I'd not presented myself with any breast pain or physical peculiarities, I hadn't said I did NOT know how to do it ..... yet I allowed him to "examine" me. And it was a prolonged "examination" which did NOT feel like the procedure I'd always followed (from NHS brochure) .... it felt sexual, it felt uncomfortable (physically and mentally) and it felt wrong, but I did NOTHING and I should have done and hate myself for not doing so. NO doctor male or female has ever suggested a breast exam since and I know an exam does NOT take the form it did that day.
Another time I was touched up on a train when I was 18. It was a crowded commuter train waiting to leave from a mainline station and I was balancing 3 carrier bags of shopping on my lap, so items were slipping about IYWIM. It took me a while to realise that the rythmic movement on my thigh was NOT my shopping slipping about but someone's hand. And even then, probably because I didn't want to believe it, I was paralysed for a minute. I then lifted up my bags to see this disgustingly filthy hand on me and at the same time turned to look at this "man" who looked like a tramp and clearly had an erection. I think I sort of shouted but I remember I couldn't scream ...... and this man got up and ran off.
And do you know, I still feel disgusted with myself, because what sickened me most was not the fact I'd been assaulted but the fact he's been a filthy dirty tramp ...... almost like that was all I was worth, like that was the best sort of male attention I deserved. Talk about warped values. I remember bursting into tears and crying all the way home, whilst of course, all around me, everyone buried themselves in their papers and ignored me. I know the people sitting near me saw what happened - and yet I never did anything.
I recall being chased at about 11 or 12 walking home from Guides at around 9pm (my sister was supposed to walk with me but she'd accepted a lift without telling me). This man had been leaning over the open bonnet of his car ........ so what the hell was that all about, what sort of person would be working (??) on his car on the offchance a young girl would walk past. I told my parents in hysterics and they just had a go at my sister for leaving me, and told me to walk a different way next time.
There used to be a WWI soldier (who always wore his medals) who lived up the road and leant on his gate, handing out toffees to children. In the late 60s, early 70s, he was already an old man and known locally as "the soldier". He told my friends sister that (quote) "if he stuck his willy up her bum they could make a baby". I told my mum who corroborated this with my friend's mum ....... yet I don't remember any of us being warned away from this man (luckily, our instincts told us otherwise) and our mothers would still pass the time of day with him when they met in the street.
These are such trivial incidents compared to what many of you have been through, but it appears that a tiny minority of women here have been fortunate enough to grow up and get through like without something wrong and unacceptable happening to them.
Why is life like this for women (in particular, I appreciate men are attacked too)? Why do some of us somehow have this almost-apologetic part of our character which sees us making excuses and renders us incapable of standing up and effectively shouting "this is absolutely 100% wrong, how dare you" ?
I've got a young daughter (almost 3) and I feel terrified for her. Right now, I can look after her and protect her but obviously it won't always be like that. I've also got a son (16) and while I hope he has been brought up to respect women, the stark fact is that every rapist and every sexual chancer is someone's son.
What a mess.
For all of you who've endured rape and who have been brave enough to share that here, you have my greatest admiration. I'll stop waffling on now ..... I really don't know what to say.