This is a VERY sensitive subject, I know, but I am curious to know just how big a problem this is

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

How many people on here have been assaulted/raped and have either reported or not reported it?

I found out that the conviction rate rapes was just 6% . 6% of reported rapes. There are many many many more that go unreported. I want to know roughly what kind of figure we are looking at. Please change your name if need be, but do post.....

I'll start..

Me - unreported.

Videos like those are one of the reasons I like kerrang - yes Marilyn Manson etc have scary makeup, but there tends to be very little sex, and any there is is normally after 11pm.

Gonna have problems when DD is old enough to complain about my music though

No but my point sophable is that if you look at much of the music videos that are put out these days a lot of it conveys the message that women have to be sexy and up-for-it and some of them, particularly the rap ones do show women as 'playthings'. Agree that Dirty probably is meant to be about exploring fantatasies etc but not sure that a teenage lad watching that would think that way or a teenage girl bombarded with images of half dressed women wouldn't think they they somehow have to be 'like' these women.

Turn on Kiss or a channel like that, and there will be a woman wearing sod all, wiggling lots - it is NOT for her empowerment, it is aimed at men and getting male attention.

But Sophable violent/extreme sexual fantasies are ALL that is acceptable

That is ALL that sells

If Aquilera's sexual fantasies were to have a lovely picnic lunch with a caring chap from the office, no one would want to know

But stripping off and simulating sex and lesbian sex to a crowd of cheering men is normalised

I don't want to turn this away from the central point of the thread but just watned to make the point that children are sexualised at an earlier age (by the images that are everywhere in our society) and I'm sure this isn;t going to help.

Indeed MP and isn't it bloody depressing. Whatever happened to bananarama and sweet innocence like that

The Sex Offences Act 2003 has shifted the 'burden of proof' onto the defendant in rape trials to show that he had received clear unequivical consent that a woman wish to have sexual intercourse. This was enacted in April 2005, so it is still early days to see how it is applied in practice.
What it does however is to remove many of the flimsy/farcical 'defenses previously offered once it had been established sex took place, eg "well, she was up for it." Was she? Did she say yes to a direct question, written or verbal??

Hearing a foster placement once saying that some rap woman was a good role model because she threw tantrums to get her hair how she wanted, and she had all these men surrounding her because of how she looked made me realise just how much these things influence. She was about 16/17.....

Sophable I don't think that Aquilera is to blame for men raping women

But I think that she is an example of a culture that normalises/aspires to violent/extreme sexual behaviour

which I don't think breeds healthy individuals who have a respect for their bodies and each other

Hearing a foster placement once saying that some rap woman was a good role model because she threw tantrums to get her hair how she wanted, and she had all these men surrounding her because of how she looked made me realise just how much these things influence. She was about 16/17.....

Yeah, but WHY are the videos of women (often very young girls actually) singing and dancing in an overtly sexual way and wearing extreme clothing? Because they really and truly are exploring their sexuality in an empowering way? Bollocks. It's because MALE music moguls like it and think it sells. Music is big business and as exploitative of any other kind of big business. Do you think Aretha Franklin would have a career today? I doubt it. I think the constant portrayal of women in posters, magazines and videos as ever up for it slags is hugely damaging and dangerous for women.

have started new thread for this as agree that this thread isn't the place.

Like Spacecadet, I also had a horrible feeling last night that this was going to be long thread

Expat, I very much relate to your posts. Will answer Issymum's very good (to me) questions on the other thread.

I'm just so choked up reading this thread. And angry.

me - unreported.

at this thread

Expat, had a very similar experience to you, also as a student, involving too much drink and a strong, good-looking rugby player who didn't listen to me saying no.

This thread one of the most shocking things I have ever seen and have been reading with tears in my eyes all morning. It makes me so angry.

Me - unreported

Message withdrawn

i really don't think that rape and sexual violence is increasing - maybe i am being naive but historically women have been possesions passed from the father to the husband - rape has always been common but when women didn't have rights over their body complaining would not even have been considered - afterall rape within marriage was only relatively recently accepted as a crime at all.

I don't want to be too terrified to allow my dd freedom i feel that would be giving pathetic abusers like my grandfather more power - i want my daughter to be empowered, independant and aware not frightened.

Me, serious assault, reported, convicted, 3 months in youth detention centre let out on weekends which is when it happened

This thread has got me thinking about what I class as rape and what I dont and whether my 'classifications' are actually correct

For example

When I was 15 me and a female friend of the same age used to go to our local chippy. The bloke who ran it must have been about 40 and would give us free chips in exchange for us going through to the back and having a drink with his friend and him. We would end up usually playing strip poker or something - totally pissed - and end up naked. Consenually she had sae with him and me with his friend (who was 21) I dated him for a little while.

Anyhow, one night the guy I was dating wasnt around but another of his friends was, he was 43 and kind of good looking. We were given a drink of something or other which totally blew me away - I remember thinking how could I be so drunk after one drink - and although I only lived literally 3 minutes away from the chippy, this bloke offered to drive me home. I remember getting into the car and wondering why he wasnt driving. I remember him kissing me and touching me and then nothing. The next thing I remember is being at my front door an hour or so later, I had no idea where id been or what had happened exactly but I had definatly had sex. Bits of it I remember sort of and bits of it i dont.

I saw him a couple of days later and we never mentioned it. We carried on being friends until I split up with the bloke I was seeing.

Its never bothered me and Ive never thought of it as anything more than me being drunk and irrisponsible, but I guess it could have been classed as more than that, so how do you know iyswim.

He roofed you and raped you, Tamba, b/c you never consented to have sex w/him.

Me - twice - one unreported but revenge exacted - so justice served. it was in 1987 I was at his house willingly, no way would I have got a conviction. I was a virgin.
2nd time was from stalker (ex acquaintance) seriously violent assault and raped resulting in pregnancy and therefore termination.
He is still in prison. When he comes out, should the opportunity ever present itself I will f**k up his life very badly.

Just come back to this thread this morning to see that there has been some discussion about support DSs so they don't treat women tlike this. Can I add that our DSs can too be victims.

I know of at least 5 boys that were sexually abused as children - by a member of the community that was trusted to be with young boys.

me - assaulted age of 12 unreported even to my parents.
Man was the leader of the local St Johns Ambulance Brigade
(which has led me to the view that its not stranger danger - its the nice man who you know that can F* you over)

will add it was fairly minor assault but still upset me quite badly and have trust issues