This is a VERY sensitive subject, I know, but I am curious to know just how big a problem this is

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

How many people on here have been assaulted/raped and have either reported or not reported it?

I found out that the conviction rate rapes was just 6% . 6% of reported rapes. There are many many many more that go unreported. I want to know roughly what kind of figure we are looking at. Please change your name if need be, but do post.....

I'll start..

Me - unreported.

That's exactly what he did, kama! 'You can get up now, darling.' He was kissing my neck whilst doing it.

When I got back home I called a friend. She came right over. I was like, 'Was I raped?'

Even she was like, 'I don't really know. I don't know if that counts.'

But she'd experienced a similar incident after willingly bringing home a young man she'd met in a club.

He was the son of a prominent doctor. She was the daughter of a very high-profile criminal lawyer.

She knew there was NO way either case would hold up in court.

Expat your stories are awful

When I think back to being in my late-teens and early twenties, I was really still SOOOO young and childlike

Bloody Hell Fire
So many of you
That means so many women and mothers functiong and raising their own kids as best they can with this kind of episode in their background. Hats off to the lot of you.

Nothing here either, although I know with hindsight I put myself in stupid situations and drank far too much when I was younger.

"The notions of 'good touch/bad touch' are very important. My mother is very naughty in demanding hugs and affection from my children, and moaning "Oh Granny never gets hugged except by you, please hug me" and I find this very difficult because she gets upset when I insist that the children don't hug anyone that they don't want to hug. " - My MIL, who is a delightful person, does this. And I always take the kids to one side after and explaing that they don't have to hug anyone and give my dh a big ear bashing at the suggestion of material goods (chocolate, toys etc) in return for physical affection. Makes my blood boil tbh.

I knew LOTS of girls at uni this happened to.

I think the worst ever was a work colleague of mine.

She had gone to a 'frat' party at a really posh, private uni. And got to talking w/a young man.

She had two drinks and then felt VERY unwell - she was probably 'roofed' or given a drink w/GHB.

Anyhow, she said she had thought to go home, and the last thing she remembered was her hand on the door before she passed out.

When she woke up, there was blood everywhere. She'd been a virgin, and she'd also been sodomised.

The worst was that she'd been given a very virulent form of HPV and had had multiple treatments for cervical dysplasia and cancer which had probably left her infertile or w/incompetent cervix.

this thread is so sad.
it has been helpful though as it's made me feel less 'alone'
the comment about raising boys is well made AND I think it was marthamoo (sorry if wrong) who pointed out that this thread shows why it happens so much; it's mostly unreported. They get away from it

I was thirteen when I was raped and I'd already had two close encounters with two different men from the extended family. I have been touched so many times I've lost count (I have big boobs some men just think they have a right )

This feels like a huge 'coming out' thread.
Thanks VeniVidiVickiQV. Difficult as it is, I think it is immensely important.

one in four. don't know where i read it but it stuck and so that's what i've always believed: that one in four people have sufferred sexually inappropriate behaviour as children. let alone as adults.

when i say this to people, they take a sharp intake of breath and say words to the effect of 'nonsense, no way is it that many come on!'.

But abuse of power is everywhere so why wouldn't sexual abuse of power be?

How old do you think ds needs to be before we read him that book issymum?

I was very very proud yesterday when he asked me to tickle him on the sofa and then when it got too much (i try for that never to happen!) said 'no mummy stop, this is MY body'.

was really pleased with that. now i have to make sure he learns as much respect for others bodies and minds and hearts: he is prone to giving 'hugs' that floor other children....

he is 2.10 btw.

as i read this thread, i cannot stop thinking: I/we/I have to do something with this. There must be a way of harnessing all this pain and shite in the cause of preventing it happening more.

I also keep thinking that there is no statute of limitations on any of this: if any of you wanted to report this, it is never too late.

I also keep thinking that there should be a place that women can call/go to where they are ALWAYS believed and evidence is taken and statements taken and then if and when the woman is ready, it goes to the police with the support of that people in this place. that would help wouldn't it?

Sometimes, I wonder how many women he did that to.

It was easy enough for him to pull b/c of his looks and he came from a wealthy family, too.

haven't got time to read this thread now but will later. Personally I am one of the lucky ones and it hasn't happened to me, but I do know at least three people who have been raped and not reported it, and TBH I can fully understand why. Will come back to this thread later.

Kama "I really don't see what women are meant to do in situations like this"

It's a very good question

I remember watching an Oprah programme on defending yourself against rape, and it was all about stranger rape - e.g. "he was have to let go of you to pull your pants down at some point so wait and attack him then"

It should have said, actually, you are most likely to be naked in bed with him and you will have no course of defence at all

Me - never, thankfully.

But one thing I feel very strongly is a woman's absolute right to say no, even if naked in someone else's bed at 3.00 in the morning, having just 'changed her mind'. I am amazed by how many people (DH probably included I fear), think that this isn't the case. Consent is absolute, and can be withdrawn at any point.

mp. it is so much easier for society to focus on stranger abuse/rape. if it is 'out there' that makes us all feel so much better. the fact is though that it is friends and family that are most likely to do it. and none of us like thinking about that.

it's a stranger only about 10% of the time. the vast majority are date, acquaintance, partner or marital rape.

I saw a whole document of resesrch about convictions once - it was horrific. It was another reason I just didnt bother. And the fact he was my boyfriend, and we shared a house and a bed. And we had split up... i just would have looked a jealous ex.

I guess in the case of the kind of rape you're talking about mp, educate beforehand as MUCH as possible, try to get girls to stick together and not go off individually with guys they don't know. And teach how to grab and twist a blokes penis even if you are in bed naked with him.

In the case of attack rape by a stranger or pre-being naked in bed, always carry weapons like perfume to spray into eyes (when I'm coming home in the dark I have my very sharp hair scissors up one sleeve and my perfume in the other hand!) and teach as much self-defence as possible.

I wonder if it's worse now than say 50 years ago. I'm sure it was even more covered up and unspoken then but I wonder if the incidents were more or less or the same. Or is our society with it's easy access to porn and easy sexuality making it worse?
Some of the videos you see nowadays make me so uncomfortable - Christina Aguilera's Dirty for e.g. I just think it must make teenage girls feel they have a certain 'standard' to live up to i.e. they have to be 'sexy' and 'up-for-it'. It's so bloody depressing.

A couple of times (rape/sexual assault) - once cos drugged by guy.

Never reported it - didn't want my parents to find out what I had been doing (had lied to them about where I was) and felt guilty about it as result cos felt it was my fault cos of putting myself in dangerous situations at 15/16. Also to scared to yell no - so convinced myself that meant it didn't mean rape.

Not all men are rapists - there are many good men out there. HOwever have seen younger friends put themselves in the same situations I did who won't listen A couple of them have been raped - none were convicted.

I think there is still an air that 'these girls/women were leading them on and deserved all they got' if they were putting themselves in dangerous situations. Therefore it either goes unreported or unconvicted

I sometimes think that however 'advanced' we think we are now about women's 'rights', females still think they have to 'please' and find it hard to say no confidently when faced by an articulate / older man. If we could teach our girls to do that it would help them no end.

And of course, more importantly, teach our boys that women are NOT their property / playthings / objects of pleasure with no voices.

I have goosepimples all over reading through all the posts since last night. It makes me feel sad, and angry - and helpless.

We have a dd and I will talk to her about the good touch/bad touch though I know her questions about it will be hard for me to deal with.

When it comes to advising our children, we can warn about drink and drugs and people spiking drinks - but so many of the instances posters are talking about here were NOT related to these things, nor was there any provocation. It is sickening that some men, so many of them, feel they can get away with it. One of my abusers told me 'I know your parents, they know me.' and the creep put into my mind that no matter what I said, noone would think badly of him, just that I made it up. It was on more than one occasion that in a crowd of people he would come up really close to ensure physical touch, whilst giving the impression that it wasn't happening. I can't have been the only one he did this to.

There are many instances on here too where drink has meant the woman felt she would be deemed to be at fault - that isn't fair either, but how do we change the world we live in to recognise that? I understand how it must be so hard to report thinking that the alcohol makes for a weaker case.

What a world.

Sophable: I read the book to DD1 when she was about 5. In fact somewhat earlier than that would be good, perhaps 4 so that they are comfortable with the idea of good touch/bad touch before they get to school.

This is really unchartered territory for me as I have never been sexually assaulted in any way (well a guy once masturbated in front of me in a Tube, but I was in my 30s, the carriage was half-full and, this is key, I didn't feel remotely threatened, just a bit grossed out).

To those of you who have been abused or assaulted, what, if anything, do you think your parents or other adults in your life who wanted to protect you, could have done to keep you safe or at least reduce the chances of these things happening? More information, more practical warnings about dangerous situations, building up your confidence and self-esteem to say no, disentangling compliance from love? Anything?

worse katierocket. so much worse. rape wasn't even considered rape in so many cases, but a woman doing her duty by her husband/asking for it/being a whore.

children were seen as objects with no sense of autonomy.

I'm sure it was worse. Ubiquitous in fact.

I had a few of dad's mates trying stuff with me when I was little and almost dragged in a car in spain. Reported car incident to rep but he laughed

I have tons of mates who have been raped, all unreported others sexually abused. One of my friends was gang raped and videod

This thread is terrible but necessary. It should be sent to the CPS IMO but no doubt they'd take no f(&^%%*& notice of it