I'm too stressed to see sense - help! I seem to have accidentally adopted next door's child...and she isn't just *any* child either...

[Fastasleep]

I'm so stressed my head's hurting, lots, so this will make no sense... I think I'm in one of those situations where there's a simple answer but I'm too close to the problem to see...

Anyway, it all started one evening a few months back when I let the ten year old girl from next door come and splash in our big paddling pool... Ever since then she's taken it upon herself to arrive on our doorstep every night after school wondering if she could come and play...

At first I thought, great! Another kid for my DS (2.5) to play with... but then she started being weird .. when I'm not in the room (and she thinks I can't see) she will throw things at Theo, hit him, chuck things off my kitchen worktops and overturn tables and bookshelves and blame Theo... she has a habit of pinching my nine month old and making her cry, so I can't put her down... she also demands food incessantly, goes upstairs and puts my clothes on etc... I've told her not to but it doesn't work, I've stopped her pinching and hitting my babies at least though. (At least I think I have?!)

I want to get rid of her really tbh, she's doing my head in... at first I thought there must be something a bit wrong at home, you know, for her to be acting up like this, and I wanted to give her somewhere nice to go... but but she's stalking us!!!!

It's the summer holiday now and she turns up at 7am wanting to come in and if I let her she will stay... well she would stay all night! If I don't let her in and tell her not to come round she'll stand outside knocking and ringing the bell for up to an hour, and then she runs home and phones me all day, even if I don't ever pick up. (I was usually out all day, but have been potty training which has given her a perfect way in..)

I don't know her parents very well, in fact have never spoken to her mum. But her dad likes DH and I don't want to upset things, I've had neighbour probs before (childhood) and don't want to go there again...

Her parents have started going out early in the morning, leaving her on my doorstep without asking, and not returning till 7pm, and she has no key or anything...

How on earth am I going to get rid of her I am so stressed I feel ill I've got two under three and a deliquent ... but at the same time I can't upset her family, it would be hell.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

(hello, I'm FA - the saga lady... remember me? lol)

Why should it be a wind up?

Megglevach, pmt?

sorry, don't believe this either. the whole saga is too weird and there are inconsistencies. for example, first of all dh and neighbour dad are 'friends' and then you say that they only spoke once about some wood - not exactly bosom buddies.

i often see posts that i think are wind-ups and this one screamed wind-up before i read any of the other sceptical posts. also i don't know anything about fastasleep's previous 'problems' on mn so i had no preconceptions about the post.

if this saga is true, some of the advice posted has been excellent - take it.

Can't believe some of you still think this is a wind up I would never do that.

You can think I'm attention seeking if you like, but when I left I was in shock because I couldn't see why you all thought it was such a huge deal...and I just kept on blindly repeating myself because I wanted you guys to realise I hadn't done anything that bad.

My return was an apology post for everything, but I had to clarify what I'd done because there have been rumours spread that aren't true and have seeped into my real life. I was attention seeking in the sense that I wamted the truth to be known, rather than wanting you all staring at me, or someting, I don't even know what you think I want to gain from this supposed wind up?!

I would never do that never.

They talk over the fence and called each other once - I can't spell aq.. acq...waintences? Fgs. DH doesn't want to get involved anyway. Think you have all the facts now! And some I can't even see the point of but

I hadnt seen a previous thread that you posted so cant be influenced by that. Anyway that was that post not this one. Lots of good advice take it and let us know how you get on.

You can report concerns to SS without leaving details of who you are. If you don't know the parents at all then why would they think you reported them.

First of all I cant imagine why you thought a 10 year old would be a good playmate for a 2.5 year old. That said, I think now you need to tell her that you're busy - you cant be a prisoner in your own home so you need to make sure she knows its not her home. You;'re not abandoning her, her parents are. If necessary buy her a little paddling pool and give it to her so she can mess around in her own garden. As for finding her in your babys cot - thats just sick. She sounds like the sort of person who would throw accusations around and consequently I wouldnt want a child like that in my house and my responsibility. Does it really matter if she gets pissed off with you? And why does she not have friends her own age?

Message withdrawn

ditto mimitwo. tenalady I am not ganging up on you (this is a separate topic anyway!) I do hate it when that gets said because it implies you cant disagree or be angry without being irrationally hormonal, i.e. wrong and crazy!

My DH has never said it to me and never would.

whats happened abotu this?
if she coems to the door say" no not today thank you"

what the problme

Message withdrawn

exactamondo megglevache

I've already explained meg, and yet you're still here... and now implying that in letting her stay I'm being a bad mother.

Still not getting what you think I'm going to gain by pretending to be pulling my hair out? And that some poor girl might be being neglected?! This was a serious thread, it's unbelieveable you've come on here with your thoughts about a piffling little thing in internet land... and stupid of me to try to defend myself but I can't help it.

And cod, thanks, but I have already made it obvious why I didn't feel able to just chuck her out - which would be what I'd normally do.

Fastasleep On another thread you said you were 19 yrs is this correct or did I get the wrong end of the stick.

Yes but why does this seem to be such a big issue for so many of you?!

Argh.

Why is fast asleeps age relevent??

megglevache, fast asleep has'nt said she was in doubt as to whether or not have this girl at her house or not, she clearly stated in her OP, she does'nt want her there, she was asking advise on how to go about it.

ooops sorry, typed you name as two words twice.

It's not a big deal but it does explain why you react in some of the ways you do. For example, you are not actually tearing your hair out are you? And adding little sighs and arghs to the end of each post is just a bit childish to be frank.

I have absolutely no doubt that there is a problem with this little girl and that you will sort it out, the fact that you havent yet is probably because you are 19.

Be gracious, say thanks for the advice and act on it. Forget about the rest of it, that's the grown up thing to do.

Nothing to do with being nineteen. Prejudices are such fab things to fall back on aren't they.

And now you're tearing pieces out of the way I type, because I type the way I talk? Oh, is there anything left?

My dress sense?

My taste in furniture?

My culinary skills? Hm? Come on... there's loads left to have a go about...

Your age is not a problem. You are only 9 yrs older than her.
So do the parents go out and leave her in her house. Or is the house locked up and she is left to look after herself.
When are you seeing your HV ?

The house has recently been locked with her outside... (so chucking her out would've been bloody awful) I'm seeing HV next Thursday, she's on annual leave.

Carmenere
Fastasleep is a mother and wife, I think she comes across as responsible and mature, her age is'nt relevent, have some respect!!