Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Other subjects
Original poster

I'm too stressed to see sense - help! I seem to have accidentally adopted next door's child...and she isn't just *any* child either...

325 replies

Fastasleep · 26/07/2006 20:43

I'm so stressed my head's hurting, lots, so this will make no sense... I think I'm in one of those situations where there's a simple answer but I'm too close to the problem to see...

Anyway, it all started one evening a few months back when I let the ten year old girl from next door come and splash in our big paddling pool... Ever since then she's taken it upon herself to arrive on our doorstep every night after school wondering if she could come and play...

At first I thought, great! Another kid for my DS (2.5) to play with... but then she started being weird .. when I'm not in the room (and she thinks I can't see) she will throw things at Theo, hit him, chuck things off my kitchen worktops and overturn tables and bookshelves and blame Theo... she has a habit of pinching my nine month old and making her cry, so I can't put her down... she also demands food incessantly, goes upstairs and puts my clothes on etc... I've told her not to but it doesn't work, I've stopped her pinching and hitting my babies at least though. (At least I think I have?!)

I want to get rid of her really tbh, she's doing my head in... at first I thought there must be something a bit wrong at home, you know, for her to be acting up like this, and I wanted to give her somewhere nice to go... but but she's stalking us!!!!

It's the summer holiday now and she turns up at 7am wanting to come in and if I let her she will stay... well she would stay all night! If I don't let her in and tell her not to come round she'll stand outside knocking and ringing the bell for up to an hour, and then she runs home and phones me all day, even if I don't ever pick up. (I was usually out all day, but have been potty training which has given her a perfect way in..)

I don't know her parents very well, in fact have never spoken to her mum. But her dad likes DH and I don't want to upset things, I've had neighbour probs before (childhood) and don't want to go there again...

Her parents have started going out early in the morning, leaving her on my doorstep without asking, and not returning till 7pm, and she has no key or anything...

How on earth am I going to get rid of her I am so stressed I feel ill I've got two under three and a deliquent ... but at the same time I can't upset her family, it would be hell.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

(hello, I'm FA - the saga lady... remember me? lol)

OP posts:
flutterbee · 27/07/2006 14:58

OK it has taken me ages to read this whole thread, I nearly lost the will to live about half way through but here I am so I will give my opinion (I know you asked for no more FA but tough luck)

OK I have no ill feeing towards you at all FA, I know what went on before and I have read all of the subsequent threads and I know people got hurt (including you in the end) but this has no bearing on the opinion I shall give.

Upon reading all of this their is only one thing I want to do and that my dear is give you a slap not in a horrible way but just to try and snap you out of the self doubting pitying frame of mind you seam to be in, I think it would do you good. This child no matter what her life might be like has hurt your children and abused your trust and she is pretty much stalking you. You must be 100% firm because I can imagine you being all nicey nicey saying no not today love and she just doesn't damn well believe you. Well done on booking to see the HV and please please carry through on seeing her parents tonight it may resolve the problem, but, you must must must learn how to assert yourself.

Also a little advice I think people probably think this is a hoax because it is a very extreme situation and I think that all your type posts have made it look as though you care more about how you are percieved on MN than dealing with this situation the (hello, I'm FA - the saga lady... remember me? lol) is very strange, I know you are trying to make light of the situation but I still don't think it was a suitable comment for this type of thread, on a normal everyday thread fine go for it.
In responce to the doubters I would have said "fine thats your opinion but I am really concerned and would appreciate it if you left the thread so I can get some constructive advice" this would have appeard much more grown up.

Sorry for the rambling and sorry if my post has annoyed or upset you but I though I had better tell it like it is.

heavenis · 27/07/2006 15:01

I can understand why you don't want to tell her to go away. Do you feed her as well. Do you think you can cope with her until you see the hv,if not I would be tempted to ring SS you don't have to say who you are or where you live. Just say you've see a girl wondering round the area and you know she lives at xxxx.

Carmenere · 27/07/2006 15:03

Waterfalls, I'm speaking as I find here and imo Fastasleep is being a tad melodramatic, which smacks of her youth for want of a better word.

Original poster
Fastasleep · 27/07/2006 15:04

Picking holes in the OP... I thought we'd moved on to my dress sense?

You know 'the thing' that I did wasn't even that bad in the first place... fgs I just got sucked into MNs hypersensitivity. Oooh FA told someone something she heard some other people saying when they thought it would be secret, oh dear GOD.

I'm apparently now not allowed to have self-pitying days once in a while?... What's next?

OP posts:
waterfalls · 27/07/2006 15:05

Who is picking holes in your OP?

leander · 27/07/2006 15:06

Fa try not to react to the people critisising you here just take the advice that you want and do what you think is right,by the way I dont agree with people slating you if they dont like what you say, or think you are winding them up they should just ignore your thread and stop posting on it.

Original poster
Fastasleep · 27/07/2006 15:06

the (hello, I'm FA - the saga lady... remember me? lol) is very strange, I know you are trying to make light of the situation but I still don't think it was a suitable comment for this type of thread, on a normal everyday thread fine go for it.

just thought we'd got past picking holes in my op... granted probably took her half the day to type it though.

OP posts:
ComeOVeneer · 27/07/2006 15:07

FA you really should let sleeping dogs lie. I must admit I thought it a bit wierd that you mentioned the "saga" in the OP, why ? It isn't relevant to this thread. You have apologised for your part in it yet again you are saying well it wasn't that bad etc and making excuses (either you are sorry or your not, but leave it in the past fgs).

Original poster
Fastasleep · 27/07/2006 15:09

I would leave it in the past but someone somewhere decided to bring it up.... can't think where...

I am sorry for my stupidity. I was having a stupid week, said as much. It was no hounding off the site worth thing though imo.

OP posts:
katzg · 27/07/2006 15:09

FA - ignore the negative comments and focus on the constructive advice you have been given, i think and correct me if i'm wrong that the situation is this:

  1. 10 year old girl, has in the past hurt your children when she comes around to play.
  2. She invited herself in and doesn't know when to leave.
  3. Her parents leave her on her own.
  4. You would like the situation to change.
  5. You feel responsible for the little girl and want to change the situation without hurting anyone.
Original poster
Fastasleep · 27/07/2006 15:11

Yes kat and now I know how to deal with it and I'm going to there have been some very helpful posts here, thanks.

OP posts:
Moomin · 27/07/2006 15:11

Of course you're allowed to have self-pitying days - we all are, everyone needs a good wallow! But if you are seeking advice then it's not the done thing to carry on with the wallowing - by seeking advice you're asking everyone to help you stop the wallowing and do something pro-active and constructuve instead. I think there is a tad of the melodrmamtic here - just because the whole situation seems so far removed from what most of us experience in our everyday lives: it seems a bit jeremy kyle actually (without wanting to make light of your part in it). I think most posters want to help, they give advice and expect you to act on it firmly. For whatever reason you feel you can't do that as assertively as others would, but I think most people would agree this situation is intolerable and maybe they're also thinking how and why did it get to this stage, and rightly or wrongly may blame you a bit for allowing it to get this far.

flutterbee · 27/07/2006 15:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ComeOVeneer · 27/07/2006 15:13

I would leave it in the past but someone somewhere decided to bring it up.... can't think where...

Sorry am I being thick here? You brought it up again in your OP. That is what I was talking about. It had no relevance to this thread so why type it? Again it just makes me think you are looking for a reaction.

SaintGeorge · 27/07/2006 15:13

ENOUGH!

This is getting stupid and personal now. Leave off the lot of you.

FA, take the good advice further down the thread and deal with the situation, or stop coming back to this thread. This is getting nowhere.

leander · 27/07/2006 15:14

Voice of reason StGeorge.here here

Moomin · 27/07/2006 15:14

I've actually reported the thread to HQ now - think it's getting out of hand.

Original poster
Fastasleep · 27/07/2006 15:15

FB after a load of posts telling me how stupid I was for various reasons I've got to the point where I'm just... I don't know why you've got so angry, as you were picking holes in my OP... and I only pointed that out, rather than trying to slate you...

I'd already said I really didn't want anymore advice as the advice I had was fine, thanks... FB I never meant anything personal I'm just feeling a bit fed up atm.

But have said I'm dealing with it, can't really see how I'm wallowing now? Just replying to posters... defending myself perhaps? I'm not wallowing in anything...

OP posts:
Original poster
Fastasleep · 27/07/2006 15:19

NO I meant in 'the saga lady' OH nooo I meant 'I'm the woman who has sagas' as I always find myself in stupid situations I meant IRL nothing to dowith 'that'

OHHH FGS.

And now you're getting it deleted, that's right, wipe it away so you can blame it all on FA and people can listen to hearsay...again.

OP posts:
ComeOVeneer · 27/07/2006 15:21

Sorry, I totally misunderstood that phrase in you OP - thought you were referring to "THAT" (oops).

SaintGeorge · 27/07/2006 15:21

NOW you are wallowing. HQ are highly unlikely to delete the thread, although individual posts might go.

I repeat, either take the excellent advice that very many posters have given you with regard to this situation or stop talking about it. You are not doing yourself and your reputation on this board any good by your continual come-backs to comments made.

ComeOVeneer · 27/07/2006 15:23

FA I think you are getting a little bit paranoid, no-one is going to be blaming you for anything, (plus mn may well not delete it anyway).

piglit · 27/07/2006 15:23

Leave it to me ladies. I can kill a thread at 100 paces.

Original poster
Fastasleep · 27/07/2006 15:24

May well be being paranoid but hey, it's understandable, at least to me... (I know I always defend myself sg, it is something I can't help doing)

OP posts:
Original poster
Fastasleep · 27/07/2006 15:24

Oh sorry piglit, try it again.

OP posts: