I'm too stressed to see sense - help! I seem to have accidentally adopted next door's child...and she isn't just *any* child either...

[Fastasleep]

I'm so stressed my head's hurting, lots, so this will make no sense... I think I'm in one of those situations where there's a simple answer but I'm too close to the problem to see...

Anyway, it all started one evening a few months back when I let the ten year old girl from next door come and splash in our big paddling pool... Ever since then she's taken it upon herself to arrive on our doorstep every night after school wondering if she could come and play...

At first I thought, great! Another kid for my DS (2.5) to play with... but then she started being weird .. when I'm not in the room (and she thinks I can't see) she will throw things at Theo, hit him, chuck things off my kitchen worktops and overturn tables and bookshelves and blame Theo... she has a habit of pinching my nine month old and making her cry, so I can't put her down... she also demands food incessantly, goes upstairs and puts my clothes on etc... I've told her not to but it doesn't work, I've stopped her pinching and hitting my babies at least though. (At least I think I have?!)

I want to get rid of her really tbh, she's doing my head in... at first I thought there must be something a bit wrong at home, you know, for her to be acting up like this, and I wanted to give her somewhere nice to go... but but she's stalking us!!!!

It's the summer holiday now and she turns up at 7am wanting to come in and if I let her she will stay... well she would stay all night! If I don't let her in and tell her not to come round she'll stand outside knocking and ringing the bell for up to an hour, and then she runs home and phones me all day, even if I don't ever pick up. (I was usually out all day, but have been potty training which has given her a perfect way in..)

I don't know her parents very well, in fact have never spoken to her mum. But her dad likes DH and I don't want to upset things, I've had neighbour probs before (childhood) and don't want to go there again...

Her parents have started going out early in the morning, leaving her on my doorstep without asking, and not returning till 7pm, and she has no key or anything...

How on earth am I going to get rid of her I am so stressed I feel ill I've got two under three and a deliquent ... but at the same time I can't upset her family, it would be hell.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

(hello, I'm FA - the saga lady... remember me? lol)

I had one of our neighbours daughters keep popping in when we first moved here and my 10 year old was a smal baby, she would always turn up with a big bag of sweets and chocolate and stuff her face. It was only after being invited to a BBQ at her home that i found out she was dibetic and so was useing my house as a cover to eat suger in abundence.
FAS you really really must speake out about this, as a 10 year old shouldnot be left alone, where do the parents go? what about the other children? Can you go to a friends of your moms for a few days? If this little girl is behaving like this something is very very wrong with her and her family and someone needs to step in and do something. At the very least you need to tell her that you are very very busy and she can not keep calling on you, (my little chocolate lover always seemed to call when i had just go ds1 off to sleep) if this child is making a cry for help for gods sake help, by not saying something you are not helping her at all, also have any of your other neighbours had problems with her? You can phone social services and not leave your name just tel them you have seen her left alone all day. But please please do something for everybodys sake.

Total overreaction! Have not asked for thread to be deleted; have pointed out the posts that tell you to F off and similar actually FA

Forget the wallowing analogy - call it 'picking a scab'.

As you said 'reported the thread' I thought you meant for deletion, sorry Moomin.

Also got a bit hot and bothered, have calmed down now.

I always pick scabs, terrible habit... but I seriously can't help defending myself it's a character flaw.

TBH FA I think you need to try and develop a bit of a thicker skin if you are going to stay on mn, and not take things so personally.

Jesus, I went away this morning, came back and can't believe it's degenerated into this. It's like a witches coven.

"I have absolutely no doubt that there is a problem with this little girl and that you will sort it out, the fact that you havent yet is probably because you are 19."

How patronising can you get!!

Npthing helpful to say re the resolution of this issue, that hasn't already been said but I did want to respond to whoever it was who made the comment 'why would a 10yr old want a 2.5yr old as a playmate ?' [para]

Lots of older children (particularly girls) like playing with littlies without any sinister motives. It's sort of an extension of playing house with dollies isn't it ? Some 10yr olds like the chance to play with baby type toys once in a while (my DS2 did when DD came along, no shame or suspicion is that, imo) or maybe they see it as a chance to be a bit more grown up, kind of like a safe, early sort of baby-sitting.

To immediately label FA as misguided for taking this child's request to play at face value and flagging up this 10yr old as some kind of weirdo or monster with an agenda for wanting/asking to play with a toddler/young child is very mean indeed.

agree NDP - in fact I was going to make that point but forgot to

sounds like a pretty lonely kid who wants to hang around a 2yr old all the time
agree with the dollies aspect of ndp
but everyday is a bit much

kid sounds a bit neglected and lonely tbh imo

i couldnt give a rast arse about what you have posted before and who you have upset in cyber space.

It does concern me that there is quite possibly a very damaged child roaming the streets right now and you are far more worried about sitting here and being abusive to those who have offered you help.

I reffer to flutterbees post where she advises that you act with some courage and get somethign done about the situation rather than sit there pitying yourself.
rather than accept with good grace that advice you felt it necessary to insult her.

I dont know you and after this thread am damn sure i wouldn't want to. I didn't know your age but did get the impression you were very young. it shouldnt be a problem butyou have made it one by acting like a child.
Your defensivness every time someone says anything other than OOH FA arent you handling it so well.....smacks of attention seeking and imaturity.

I hope for that childs sake you are either trolling to gain sympathy or that one of the adult memebers of your town do something on your behalf.

OK I have composed myself and would like to apologise for swearing at you.

I think you need to re-read my first post and realise that I am not at all getting at you and I was not for one minuete picking the op apart or picking at any of you, I infact congratulated the steps you had already taken to resolve this.

I have no doubt that this is not a hoax thread and do not think you would do something like that.

I am still however annoyed at the way you reacted to my post and reserve my right to feel like that after I spent so long firstly reading the post and then replying to it, next time I think I shan't bother.

Thank-you fattiemumma I though I was going mad for a minute.

FB I pounced on you love, don't take it to heart it had just been a loooong thread.

FM I already said self defence is one of my character flaws. And as for the poor girl roaming the streets while I faff on MN - she is in her garden eating ice cream.

Her parents will have to wait for this evening though, as they're out.

If defending myself is immature then, ok I am. But I think that's just me..

Personally insulting me doesn't exactly do you many favours either fm, but we all have our off days.

So if she's in her garden and her parents are out, who's looking after her?

how dare you patronise someone because they are young? if you think it is because she is 19 well why are you being so cruel, patronising and unrelenting? it is just an excuse to cover your rudeness, it is not okay to put people down because they are younger, and you know what? I am nearly 30 and quite a quiet person and could see myself being in a similar situation if I was under the same circumstances and because I am too polite and would worry about the girl I would worry what to do for the best and it would be quite a diificult thing to call social services or have it out with the parents. she has...empathy which you patronisers obviously don't have!!! Fastasleep don't let insensitive people get you down, good that you will talk to your hv. and ignore the negative posters.

Her nineteen year old brother and thirteen year old sister are in too

Would it be rude to ask not to hear any more on this subject until FA has spoken to the parents or whatever? Then she might be kind enough to share the outcome in a new thread for us nosyparkers, sorry concerned onlookers rather than feeling hounded off MN. Just seems like there's nothing more to be said by anyone until action has been taken and I think the sooner this thread drops into the archives the better

Thanks, Jen... my unrelenting self defence is annoying I do realise it I do... but hey ho that's me.

dont know if i messed up royally there i meant to show support for the one who is posting about worrying about the little girl, the pople who are horrible on this thread are the unrelenting ones (did i get the names wrong?)

Does this little girl have no friends from school or in your road?

I was thinking that carmenere was patronising and unrelenting...not you

Fastasleep I thing you should defend yourself...you got me wrong, was trying to be sympathetic

No you got it right JennyLee. I agree (along I objected to some of the things that FA has said/done etc) bringing her age into the equation was a tad out of order.

along = although.