I'm too stressed to see sense - help! I seem to have accidentally adopted next door's child...and she isn't just *any* child either...

[Fastasleep]

I'm so stressed my head's hurting, lots, so this will make no sense... I think I'm in one of those situations where there's a simple answer but I'm too close to the problem to see...

Anyway, it all started one evening a few months back when I let the ten year old girl from next door come and splash in our big paddling pool... Ever since then she's taken it upon herself to arrive on our doorstep every night after school wondering if she could come and play...

At first I thought, great! Another kid for my DS (2.5) to play with... but then she started being weird .. when I'm not in the room (and she thinks I can't see) she will throw things at Theo, hit him, chuck things off my kitchen worktops and overturn tables and bookshelves and blame Theo... she has a habit of pinching my nine month old and making her cry, so I can't put her down... she also demands food incessantly, goes upstairs and puts my clothes on etc... I've told her not to but it doesn't work, I've stopped her pinching and hitting my babies at least though. (At least I think I have?!)

I want to get rid of her really tbh, she's doing my head in... at first I thought there must be something a bit wrong at home, you know, for her to be acting up like this, and I wanted to give her somewhere nice to go... but but she's stalking us!!!!

It's the summer holiday now and she turns up at 7am wanting to come in and if I let her she will stay... well she would stay all night! If I don't let her in and tell her not to come round she'll stand outside knocking and ringing the bell for up to an hour, and then she runs home and phones me all day, even if I don't ever pick up. (I was usually out all day, but have been potty training which has given her a perfect way in..)

I don't know her parents very well, in fact have never spoken to her mum. But her dad likes DH and I don't want to upset things, I've had neighbour probs before (childhood) and don't want to go there again...

Her parents have started going out early in the morning, leaving her on my doorstep without asking, and not returning till 7pm, and she has no key or anything...

How on earth am I going to get rid of her I am so stressed I feel ill I've got two under three and a deliquent ... but at the same time I can't upset her family, it would be hell.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

(hello, I'm FA - the saga lady... remember me? lol)

That wasn't woe is me FM I think you totally misunderstand me - that was me laughing my head off!!

I also loved the 'get a thicker skin' comment - my skin isn't good enough for MN either (I didn't find that offensive at all btw, just made me chuckle)

That's not me sitting here sniffling to myself, that's me sitting here laughing at the ridiculousness of it all!

And I have thanked people profusely for their advice, I only didn't thank them earlier because I was rudely distracted, I think it's obvious I was taking the advice... but maybe it just is to me... who cares! I know I'm thankful for the good advice and have been since the start

You seem to like personally attacking me FM, you strange thing you, which is funny really, you telling me I'm immature and all. I have plenty of backbone, thanks, and I'm going to my HV.

I'd also like to thank the people who came on and 'parped'... I'm sure the girl next door would love to know that that's what you think of the possible situation, very caring, very mature of you, too, don't you think.

Liesel
Judging from your responses on other threads, this site seems to upset and offend you often.

I'm curious as to why you hang round? Do you get a thrill out of scolding random strangers online?

Ooh! Ooh! You've got bored with me, and now you're going to rip strips out of Liesel, you guys are really enlightening me to the MN mentality here, carry on!

Pmsl.

I think she meant I needed help, she thinks this is a helping website.

Threads about cartoons are idle chit chat iyswim.

Fastasleep
Shes not personally attacking you, shes just called me a Troll.
Hope you get this problem sorted.

That's what I said liesel - that they're bored with me and have moved onto you, or at least looks that way.

Expat
Sorry if you think I scolded someone, dont remember which thread you are taking about - or maybe I have a twin using my name!! But anyway I was just a bit annoyed at the responses aimed at FA who seemed pretty upset about her situation.

Oh come on just let it drop now,You have had some good advice on here and now seem to be a bit happier with the situation and are still going to speak to your hv next week, just ignore the posts that aren't relevant to your problem.
Glad your feeling a bit better .

its not that the other threads were inappropriate - and you know it - stop being bloody pedantic the lot of you - i hate when MN get all witch hunty like this - KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL

FOR GODS SAKE. a mumsnetter wanted help - wanted your ideas as to what to do in what is a very serious situation.

the replies FA has got if you re-read - as opposed to another effin poster on mumsnet who may post the same problem is HUGE.

why dont you just leave her the fuck alone you pack of bullies.

thats what i was trying to say custy but am crap

perhaps we should go to MN HQ and ask for a bitching and bullying corner (no offence to anyone btw), that way all other threads can be left alone

Thats a good idea Vanishing Lady - that way we can have only nice people in here.

Fastasleep you must never let yourself feel pressured (eg to call SS) by anything said by a bunch of strangers on a parenting forum. We called be anyone. You come across as really vulnerable and apart from the stick you've got on this thread you do lay yourself open to cyberstalkers and God knows what. I don't mean constantly defending yourself, it's the ability to walk away from a bunch of people who make you feel bad you need. Please try and look after yourself more, take everything with a pinch of salt and try not to give so much personal info etc away.
Good luck with the real life stalker.

I sincerely hope you get this sorted out. I have no doubt it's a real problem and it's worrying for the little girl and stressful for you.

But FA, please, try not to respond in such a "kneejerk" way. It doesn't matter how old you are, and FWIW, I think in many ways you are very, very mature for your age, but the way you react does betray your age and to be honest, that's when I think to myself "I can't be arsed with this thread, it's like dealing with a child".

Ignore the comments you don't like. Don't assume people are ganging up on you, as the whole thing will escalate and you'll be remembered for it.

You are a mum just like the rest of us, and you have lots to offer to a website like this, so don't spoil it for yourself, eh, lar??

I havn't read the hwole thread so I don't know if you have got this sorted out now.

My advice would be to talk to her parents and unless they agree that she will be looked after properly at home then call social services.

You are a mum and there is no way you need to expose your children to someone much older than them who pinches/hits etc.

From what you have said alarm bells are going ff in my head based on professional experience workign with young people. I think this girl is being neglected and possibly has other issues as well. She does need help and support but in order to protect her and you (and your kiddies) that support needs to come from someone like SS or health.

Bets of luck

Hello FA, wow, what a long thread!

Damn all you mumsnetters...how old are you all? You sound like 2 year olds!!!

I don't think you are lying about the situation...the poor little girl sounds as if something is happening at home that is in need of SS intervention but as most of the m'netters on here have said you must do it now for this poor little girls sake and don't let it linger.

I am at you for taking some m'netters advice and throwing it right back in their faces. You are lucky to receive any advice at all and you should welcome it with open arms. If you don't agree with it, fine, but don't be so rude to refuse it.

I had a friend from age 10-16. She was exactly as the 10 yr old described. Soon as a read FA's 1st post I instantly thought of this girl and guess what...this girl was being sexually and physically abused by her stepdad and her mum wouldnt and didnt want to stop it. Her mum was just as bad and she was an alcoholic and openly took drugs such as heroine, crack etc infront of Laura and her siblings. Everyone just thought Laura was attention seeking and no-one, not eve adults, wanted anything to do with her yet she latched on to people like noones business. Thankfully, although Laura didnt pass any exams, she is now 22 and happily married to a lovely man and has a cute, well-loved DS.

Please please get help for little girl FA!

Bumping!

No comment on fastasleep and some attitudes towards her as i don't know that much about her, but had to comment. Basicaly because i was pretty much that little girl, not the violence or trashing houses but i was always at my neighbours house, and i used to eat alot of their food, i think they probably felt, like you did...but the reason i was there was normaly becasue my mother was either sleeping off a hangover and we didn't have much food in the house or she was working and I wanted the company.
If this little girl has attched herself to you, there is a reason and i think it's beacuse she is getting something she osn't getting at home. Whether kidness, food, attention or just normaility.
Get her some help, talk to the parents, try and find out what's going on.
Let's put differences with FA aside and focus on some positive advice to help a pretty lonely and possibly frightened 10 yr old shall we?

Serendippity, sorry that you related so much to this poor 10 year old girl. I was bumping this thread so a fellow Liverpool m.netter could catch up with what FAS posted. I agree wholehartedly that FAS needs positive advice on how to handle this very delicate situation. I agree with you that this young girl visits FAS to get some sort of normality in her life and possibly some kindess too, but if I were in her situation, I'd try and talk to her parents and if all else failed, contact the Social Services.

Oh yes, talking to the girls parents first is defainatly the right first step. I agree.

I wonder what steps FAS took, let us know FAS how you managed the situation please

Any update Fastasleep?

why does this thread keep popping up on my threads i'm on?It is v old!