The things kids say

[Ailsa]

Having recently had my eyes tested and bought some new glasses, the first time I wore them dd (age 7 yrs) announced that they are ugly and they make my face look ugly!

A week or so later, I was sat on the sofa helping ds (age 4 yrs) get ready for school, the conversation as as follows,

ds: "Mummy, your glasses make you look ugly"
me: "Oh!"
ds: "Only joking!"

Anyone else got any gems?

So excited I can finally contribute to this brilliant thread. No sentences yet, but dd still makes me laugh. Looked at my lardy tummy the other day after we'd had a shower and said to me solemnly "Oh dear". In changing room at swim pool she looked at naked lady getting dressed and chanted "wee wee". Over and over again ! Fortunately we had to leave quite quickly. It can only get worse ...

Me and my four year old keep having running races, and i thought for once i'd win. He then waited till we were in the supermarket to shout, "Mummy i wish you'd stop BEATING me". The looks i got

Best friend's dd, 3: "When I'm much bigger I will be at University and I will be a grown-up and I will learn lots of things. One thing I will learn at University is how to flush the loo ALL BY MYSELF!"

I was chatting to a neighbour over the fence this morning when dd (6) came along, lifted up my T shirt and said "Mummy, you look like you're getting a big fat baby!". (And no, I'm not pg!)

My daughter insists on calling my partner Christopher Robin - he is 6 foot and quite manly - I can't help sniggering in Sainsbury's.

Her other choice ones have been - Mummy I love you to the Moon's Bum - whan I said that I loved her to the moon and back and one day when I picked her up from her fathers - mummy I really like your tights (rather cool trendy sort of ones with fishnetty piping over normal tights) and you do not look like a tart at all (dread to think what her father teaches her!). Not quite as bad as her calling one of my friend's very serious and very high up in the army father in law a complete ar*e and if he carried on she would biff him!! I never swear other than to call people arse and we use the word biff for quite a few things - one of which a 2 year old should not be saying!!

She also told my stepmother that she smelt like a bottom one day.

My friends dad is called Bob, and after seeing them I asked dd what M's dad was called and she said Bob the Builder!

My friends dad is called Bob, and after seeing them I asked dd what M's dad was called and she said Bob the Builder!

My niece when she was about 4 was playing with a toy car that my dad has. It had 2 elephants in the front seat and the back seat was empty. She was messing around on the floor and found this huge screw and bolt, put it in the back of the car and was driving it round the floor.

When my dad came in she said "look, the elephants are having a screw in the back of the car"

Ds's (3) favourite playgroup leader wasn't in, and I explained she'd had to take her little boy to the hospital because he'd broken his nose playing football. He asked "and did they bring the nose with them?
Did they put it in their pocket?"

We had a bar-be cue on sunday and my dd was carrying stuff in which I offerd totake, At's all right mummy" said "I'm the helpful one"!

My dd1 to dd2 in the swimming pool.Said in an exasperated sing song voice - You HAVE to use your legs they help you swim better coz they've got more air in them.

In a Ladies loo recently dd opted to go in with my mum; as I came out of my cubicle I heard 'Grandma, you've got a really big bottom'. Needless to say I pretended to be deaf.

I LOVE this thread, it makes me lol.

Today on the way home from the shops with 4yo ds a police car sped past us, lights flashing, sirens wailing. Earlier in the week we saw an ambulance doing the same - ds had been very excited, and interested in how they were in a big hurry because someone was very sick.

After the police car went past, he asked me, "Is the policeman sick?"

I spent the day at Dublin zoo with my three year old son and sitting in front of the playground was a man with really bad teeth. DS stops dead and shouts "Mammy look out it's a vampire!"

Definitely one of those 'wish the ground would open up and swallow me moments'!

Cheeeeeeeesus (Jesus) mummy why you no listen you make he so hungry (angry)
Wonder where he got that one from and much to my MIL's horror who is extremely religious.

DS said to me last week "I don't love you anymore I want to go and live with nanny", This took me back and I said "Why" he then replied "I am only kidding mummy, you silly sausage mummy I wouldn't leave you. He is 3.5.

and the best one was when I forgot to get his morning biscuit he replied "Right mummy I have asked you 2 times and you still not done it, you are very naughty, go and sit on the stairs...NOW)

Today dd was whining away in the car & dh had brilliant idea for distraction: I spy... He explained it to her & she was very keen, immediately choosing X - for x-ray of course, followed by Y for yoyo then f for rabbit.
She is only just 3, maybe not the most practical game, but made the journey a lot more fun.

Dd (3.5) rarely wears dresses/skirts but chose to put one on as Grandma was visiting and had bought her a new dress.

Walking into Waitrose, dd pulled dress up around waist, stuffed hand down knickers and announced to everyone in the entrance that 'I hate these pants cos they keep getting stuck up my fanny'

Why does this never happen when dh takes her shopping ?

My DD proclaimed to my DH that she could speak spanish a couple of days ago...

'Uno, Dos, Tres, Quatro, Cinco...mamma mia!!!'

I remember my stepdaughter playing with her groovy godfather at the age of six..

godfather., 'Hey, gimme some skin" (hand slap thing)
Sdd "One skin!'
godfather 'gimme some more skin!'
Sdd 'two skin!'
godfather 'yeah, do it again'
sdd 'three skin'
godfather 'one more time.... er, on the other hand..."

dd was giving me a kiss tonight. Daddy said give mummy a real smacker, so she gave me a lovely long kiss on the lips, followed by a good smack across my face!

Not my own children, but a 4 year old at school in a colleague's class. Child was on the computer, using the mouse, but also needed to use the keyboard. She kept letting go of the mouse to do this. My colleague said " Why don't you use your other hand for the keyboard, then you won't have to keep letting go of the mouse."
The child replied (looking puzzled) " What other hand?"

DD's current exclamation when she's cross is "Oh sodden" (she's 2!)

Lara2 - that's the sort of thing I'd say and I'm 26!!!