The things kids say

[Ailsa]

Having recently had my eyes tested and bought some new glasses, the first time I wore them dd (age 7 yrs) announced that they are ugly and they make my face look ugly!

A week or so later, I was sat on the sofa helping ds (age 4 yrs) get ready for school, the conversation as as follows,

ds: "Mummy, your glasses make you look ugly"
me: "Oh!"
ds: "Only joking!"

Anyone else got any gems?

I love these ... aren't kids great?
We are just getting to the real gem stage ... so I have a couple ...

DS wanted a banana and lost the plot when I began to peel it ...
DS: No ... I want the skin on ...
Me: You can't eat a banana with the skin on ...
DS: (howling) Monkeys do ...
Me: Yes I know darling, but you aren't a monkey!
DS: I am ... (sobbing) I'm a Cheeky Monkey!

We went away last weekend to the beach ... DS has been in the sea before but only paddling ... this time we were full on in the waves having a lovely time ... DH throwing him around and pushing him on a body board ... after a couple of dunkings DS licked his lips and said,
"Oh Mummy! Who put salt in this water?"

Of course that has now developed into stuff like "Who is God? Where does he live? What does he look like? What colour is his house?" My imagination is running overtime to keep up with answering all of those ones I can tell you!!!

Lovely one this morning. I was making breakfast and dd (22 months) was stood on a chair putting her fingers into the cereal. I was telling her "Fingers out" when ds (4 1/2) walks in and says, very seriously, "It's alright Mummy, I like it with fingers."

Also this morning, dd (nearly 3) sneezed five times in a row. I said "Bless you!", as usual. Dd replied "I'm blessing a lot this morning".

I have just come down from having a bath to find that me DS aged 3.25 has completely covered the living room floor with polystrene packaging that came with the mircowave. I said all crossly "look at what you have done", "wasn't me", he replied "its been snowing mummy". Couldn't help but laugh.

At lunchtime today I was tucking into pasta with and olive and tomato sauce (dd has hers plain) when she exclaimed 'Mummy you've got conkers in your pasta!' to which I replied 'they are olives' a puzzled look from dd, and then she said 'Holly (friend) hasn't got a conker tree!' -made made me laugh .....

This thread always makes me laugh.My dd came in the kitchen this am and said "Mummy,I've drawn you a picture of your favourite thing,look."I thought oh how nice and expected to see a picture of a big box of chocs or sweets-when I looked it was a picture of me tucked up asleep in bed.I had to laugh.

I have been telling DS the names of different cheeses and where they go. We went out for a Pizza yesterday and I asked him the name of the cheese on Pizza.

Cinderella...he announced proudly!

(10 mins later he then announced to the entire room that he had done a big big bigggggggg wee!!)

We were walking out of DS1's nursery today.

Me: 'Isn't Sally (playleader) nice.'
DS1: 'Yes. But why has she got hairs on her chin?'

You couldn't make it up.

Droile, reminded me of dd1's latest. She spotted one of her school teachers and said "there's Mrs Old Mac Donald!" thought for a moment and said "She's not very old is she?!"

Other derivatives of Mac Donalds have been -Old Mac-ee-Doonies, and my nephews classic of "Can we go to F**k Donalds Mum!!

This is not me but my best friend's little boy (2.5)called her into the bathroom the other night to crys of "ooo...mummy, look look, my willy has gone all big." "err...yes darling...very good" One for the father to deal with I think!

Dh is cooking lunch. Dd just came in to say "dinner is nearly deserved" (she meant served). Hope I deserve mine, I'm hungry.

DH listens to alot of "Queen" as he's driving in the car(usually singing at the top of his voice).
The other day DS was singing in his bedroom, while I listened from the next room, I thought he was singing strange lyrics for a kids song as he was singing, "Mummyyyy, I killed him, I shot him with my gun and he's dead, AHHHH". It took me a few seconds to realise he was trying to sing Bohemian Rapsidy.

ds2(6)and I were at thr local leisure centre waiting for ds1's party to finish. We were watching some 5 a side footie when ds2 said "Which team is England?" Followed closely by "What is the fat guy doing?" Quick embarrassed exit duly followed.

One from a friend of mine.
Her ds (7) got off the school bus all sorry-for-himself. She asked what was wrong and he said some big boys had made him say a 'bad' word. SHe asked what it was and he was relictant to say. After they had covered his little sister's ears and the dog's ears he was prepared to whisper it : 'Constantinople'

Susanmt - Made me giggle - sorely needed.

I remembered one of my sister's yesterday. When she was very little, she farted, and said, 'My bottom spoke'

My 3 year old had a similar one to Breeze (17 Feb). It was just before we had any snow this year and he'd been asking for ages when we were going to get any - so when I found him in the bathroom with hundreds of tiny pieces of toilet paper strewn around him I knew what the reason was - "I was just trying to make some snow, Mummy". I had to laugh (through gritted teeth)!

DH is very proud that DS (3yo) doesn't just accept that things are broken, that DS's mantra is, "We fix it later!" DH is handy and usually does manage to fix things. So we're walking thru the local horrible housing estate and see a burnt out shell of a joyridden caravan. Shell is the wrong word; skeletal would be excessive to describe it. I need DH's assurance that it once was a caravan. DS points it out. I nod sagely & DS declares, "We might fix it later!"

when my 4 year old ds harry started school last sept. he said to me,"mummy theres 2 harrys in my class the other harry is really naughty and i`m not,i hope the teacher knows wich is wich"

DS aged 3.25 has just come in mith my bra cup on his head (I am a 38E so big cup), he just said "mummy, why do I need 2 hats when I have only one head, is the other for you". he knew what he was doing because he was laughing.

DS (4.5) has been explaining to me how our high level toilet cistern works!

Aparently the poo goes out through the big pipe at the back through the wall and the wee goes up the smaller pipe to the tank at the top! Makes sense I suppose! V. Clever toilet though.

while on holiday in malta my son harry then 4 met a little english girl and they played in the swimming pool everyday,one day harry asked where she was and i said shed gone back to england he looked really sad and then said "she doesnt live in england,i`ve never seen her there" bless! he thinks staines is the whole of england

DD (6): I know how you spell "don't" - d-o-n-t.
Me: That's right. What about the little thing up in the air (I meant the apostrophe), do you know what that's called?
DS (4): I know! A aeroplane!

Sorry - none of my own to add yet - but some old family ones.

My sister thought that the Japanese committed 'Hare Krishna'. She was also one to be one up on others and when I'd been ill claimed that she'd 'died last week', when someone at playgroup said that Sant came to thier party she replied that 'God came to my party'!! (I hope she's not a mumsnetter or I'm sussed and will have to disappear.

When I was little and went into a junk shop I called it a dining room and would tell anyone who would care to listen that dandilions were 'daddy's favourite flower' - I can see these coming back to haunt me when I have one old enough to talk!!

A friend of mine went to a family function with her DP. Afterwards they brought home her nephew to stay with them for the night. In the car on the way home the nephew says in a sing song voice "Dear dear dear, John and Belinda live the closest and are always the last to arrive!"... Morale: never gossip about anyone in front of children!