The things kids say

[Ailsa]

Having recently had my eyes tested and bought some new glasses, the first time I wore them dd (age 7 yrs) announced that they are ugly and they make my face look ugly!

A week or so later, I was sat on the sofa helping ds (age 4 yrs) get ready for school, the conversation as as follows,

ds: "Mummy, your glasses make you look ugly"
me: "Oh!"
ds: "Only joking!"

Anyone else got any gems?

My 4 year old informed me one day that her favourite Beatrix Potter character was "Vagina Puddleduck"!

I've got loads of these, but as usual my mind has gone blank just when I need it most! Will post them as I remember them. One does spring to mind though, my younger sister (not sure exactly how old, but must be about 10 yrs) used to crease my elder sister and me up (we'd have been early teens I suppose) when she used to sing 'oma paloma blanca' as 'oma perlanka wanker', we used to keep getting her to say it and she had no idea why we were laughing. I'm showing my age now.

Ailsa - I also got 'negative' response from my dd (aged 3) when I recently got a pair of glasses for driving, only she burst into tears and wouldn't come near me till I took them off - it's enough to give you a complex isn't it?

Suedonim - Did your little one come out with that corker infront of the teacher or in-laws, as that's when they normally manage to do it? Sounds like a character from the 'Adult' version of the Tales of Beatrix Potter (if you catch my drift!) Oh no, we're heading into that porn star name territory again............

My friend who recently has just had a new baby girl is finding her little boy of 2 1/2 keeps telling her to put 'it' down.

Sure am, Pamina! I've started up the Atkins diet posting again as this is what I'm going to try. It seems to offer quick results without cutting down on quantity of food, so should suit a weak-willed wimp like me. Shame that you have to cut carbs right down to miniscule amounts though, as these are my favourite foods. Does this mean cutting down on booze too? Eeek, suddenly it doesn't sound quite so tempting! Still, I'm determined to be 'skinny' for my 30th, so this time I'm really going to go for it. I start on Monday too, so until then I'm making the most of eating and drinking freely (or do I mean excessively?) Do you have any masterplan, or are you just generally going to reduce calories and increase exercise? If we all reach our target weight in a few months (or atleast get a good few pounds off) do you think it would be a good idea for the 'slimming' (and other) Mumsnetters to meet up for a celebratory drink/meal somewhere? I'd be up for it! Anyway, Good Luck to you, Chucky egg

ChanelNo5, lol at 'Adult' version of BP!! What else could we come up with? Maybe there's a market out there.... Thankfully, it wasn't in front of teachers - just a department store full of shoppers. Time for a sharp exit. :-O

Pamina - here's a cyber bottle of Benylin coming your way, to help with the coughing attacks, tee hee!

My older DD had hysterics once when I had my hair permed. "You're not my mummy" she cried, and ran away!

I smacked my youngest dd (2.5) on the bottom the other day (can't remember why now, I know, I know, I'm a terrible mother). I was talking to her about it later on, and said "Do you know why Mummy smacked you?". She looked up at me with her big brown eyes and replied "because you are stupid".

My daughter topped all of her previous efforts at Christmas by saying 'You are a silly old trout to my m.i.l' !!!!!! Luckily she has a sense of humour and asked if she was a silly old trout then what should we call her, the swift reply came, 'i'll be a silly old banana'!

Yesterday I turned round to look at something, my 4yr old grandson said "why did you turn round nana,you know you have eyes in the back of your head".

When my DS was about 3 we were standing in a queue behind a woman wearing a sun dress. She had a lot of tattoos and was wearing what I can only describe as the entire Argos jewellery collection.

At the top of his voice my son shouted "look Mummy that lady's a pirate!". OOps! R

Saturday afternoon in the supermarket my 5 yr old dd announced seriously "Some people have a hole on the top of their head, cos they've got no hair." I wondered what on earth she was talking about, then looked up to see an elderly (and balding) gent standing behind her!

But my favourite one of hers was when it started hailing early one morning, and huge hailstones were bouncing off the lawn. She ran to the window, looked out and squealed in delight "There's popcorn on the grass!!!"

ds (2) has been learning all about various body parts with real fascination recently. The latest is his willy and (as charmingly named by dh) his goolies. He was shocked to find out I didn't have willy or goolies.

he now walks around telling everyone 'I got goolies. Daddy got goolies. Poor mummy got no goolies".

DD2 started back at school today. Yesterday she went round singing "It's School's Eve today, it's School's Eve today."

eldest dd used to sing the Britney song 'my lonely vest is killing me', also was very impressed to find out we were travelling on a 'jewel' carriageway.

Hubbie's step father is called Santosh....Consequently we had non stop 'when Santosh got stuck up the chimney' this christmas from my 3 year old!

Berries, that reminds me, my DS1's friend always referred to 'dual cabbageways' while DS1 loved the rain because we could switch on the 'widecreen scrapers'. And when he saw a flock of birds flying he used to say they were 'clouding', which I thought was kinda cute.

My elder daughter used to call hundreds and thousands "millions and lots".

Knew I'd think of something else given time. A friend of mine's 4 yr old ds used to call the kiddies programme 'Polkadot Shorts', 'Poke-a-nut Shorts' - used to make us old girls smile anyway!

Around the time ds was getting used to body parts he saw me walking round the bedroom starkers, all of a sudden he burst out laughing and I asked him why? Still laughing and at the top of his voice he shouted "Ha Ha, Mummy hasn't got a winky!"

My ds asked me the other day how much a moral fiver was.

When I say something stupid my daughter says, "Mummy, don't be so dickless".

I was telling my 5 yr old off about something and he just looked at me and calmly said "You're drunk".

I wasn't, since you ask.

We have head lice at school recently and was talking to her teacher, who said her son referred to them as headlights!