Things you shouldn't say to another mum you have only just met

[emkana]

"I have just gone back to work after four years as a SAHM, about time, too, your brain just goes soft when you're at home all the time."

Said this mum at a b/day party to my friend and me... my friend has been a SAHM for seven years, me for nearly five years, we both have no immediate plans to return to work.
We didn't really take offence, I just thought it was funny, there are just some things I wouldn't say if I wasn't sure about the cirumstances of the people I was talking to.

MoM- I had a similar experience in the park about 6 months ago. There was a woman with a black dog (looked huge to me and huge compared to my DS who had just learned to walk). I saw the dog run straight towards DS from a distance, and my first reaction was to pick DS up before the dog came too close.

The dog wouldn't give up, he started to jump up and down trying to touch the baby. Ok, I am not a dog lover and I don't own one, but the dog looked aggressive to me. A few minutes later, as I had started to walk away in the other direction, the dog and the woman owner started to walk towards us AGAIN and the dog started running towards DS again.

The woman made no attempt whatsover to control her dog, despite the fact that she could see I was quite upset the first time.

Instead, when I shouted towards DH to pick DS up again before the dog reached him, the stupid woman turned round and shouted at the top of her voice "Oh, stop it you paranoid woman, I am training this dog and she is used to being around children" to which I answered, "Well don't train your dog on my son, can't you see how small he is" ? I was furious She didn't even bother to apologise.

Had similar situation with another woman, whose dog was massive, but wasn't half as aggressive looking, and when the dog approached DS, I immediatley picked up DS. The owner came up to me, apologised several times, and said she hoped the dog hadn't scared my son. Now, that's what I call manners !!

Any old malarky about how your kid mustn't eat baked beans or how childminders should offer wide ranging educational services and organic food for £100 a week as well as allowing you to drop off at 7.00am and pick up at 8.00pm

just thought of another good one which I hear from non-working mums

'oh, she goes to nursery?, well I wouldn't personally be able to do that but i'm sure its very good for her to interact with other children'.

er...you saying i'm bad for working? unfortunately I HAVE to but please don't make me feel more guilty than i already do!

Woman to me when she was cooing over dd:
"My dd had ears like that. They called her wingnut at school"

Checkout person in Somerfield when dd was about a year old:
"She's very yellow, has she got jaundice? You can't always see it yourself you know"

DD is beautiful - not remotely like a jug eared Simpson [sulk]

I would have said, "no, not jaundice - it's this ghastly supermarket lighting. You look a bit sallow yourself actually"

Soon after the birth of my dd, I got together with a few new mums...I had met a couple of them before. One woman announced that the got married to her partner soon after learning she was pregnant because "she didn't want to be one of those unmarried woman on the maternity ward". Whatever...but she knew I was unmarried...a bit insensitive considering I've been with my partner for 15 years.
Keep it to yourself. She made me feel a slapper.

From BIL and SIL when dd was 6 weeks old:

Are you sure you're telling the truth about who the father is, she doesn't look very oriental ( father was part-Asian but didn't pass on many characteristics)

I can't tell you how and i was

Am bf my dd, and will probably throttle the next friend, family member or HV who asks in response to any comment from me regarding DD crying or not feeding particularly well that day "Do you think she's getting enough" ? That is the worst thing you can say to a bf mother!

And dogs .... MIL has huge smelly drooly dog and couldnt understand why I wanted to keep dd well out of her reach when only 2 weeks old. MIL says as horrid beast lollops over with all her germs "Once she's had a lick she'd protect her with her life"?!

Was on the phone to my big sister ( has no kids yet) on a friday evening arranging to meet up on saturday:

me: 'what time shall we meet tomorow?'

sister: 'i don't know... i'll call you when i wake up up..'

me: what sort of time roughly would that be? Just cos I have a couple of things i could get done 1st if necessary..'

sister: 'Look i don't know ok ,I'll wake up ehen i wake up - i don't live my weekend by some structured time keeping routine..'

Gosh tackless cow when was the last time any of us had a guilt free lie in - if atall???
Ds thereafter suddenly started having this anoying habit of playing with the phone and accidentily dialling dear sister's number from the age of 11 months... very naughty, but highly advanced don't you think?!

...Dialling her number at 0730 hours i might add the naughty thing.

My mum from time ds was 8 weeks "when are you going to start putting him on solids?"

After having an emergency CS and a BIG baby - loads of people said, "oh well at least you got the easy way out"!?
And husband of a friend commented that "what did I know about labour pains - you had a CS" when I tried to join in a discussion about labour.

SO - whoever suggested avoiding the whole c-section thing was 100% right!

x

In reply to bumbleweed re: breastfeeding. I got those comments loads - and also "maybe your milk is not good enough" - from my own mother!!!! Showed her by bf for 9 months!

What we need now is the smart comments we need to say back. I like the supermarket lighting one

Talking of inappropriate comments.....

Following an ectopic pregnancy - losing a baby and one of my fallopian tubes - I was extremely fortunate to conceive again 4 months later.

On announcing that I was pregnant, a friend's first reaction was "What, again?"

how utterly insensitive.

My personal worst was when I was pregnant, from a saleswoman in Mothercare, who after man-handling me, throwing bras at me, acting as if I was wasting her time and that I should be the expert in maternity & nursing bras, not her:

"you've not got the straps adjusted correctly and I can't do it for you because you're too sweaty"

when I was 34 weeks pregnant in the middle of the heatwave last summer and the shop was even hotter than outside.

Omigod - I can't believe some of the comments.

Had my old manager (I left on account of him being a complete MCP sexist B***d) saying "Women who choose to have babies should stay at home"

Well, I'd love to be able to afford to stay at hom, but there's this slight problem called food, bills and mortgage that gets in the way.

Unlike him, I wasn't earning ### a year for doing sod all.

Twat.

Apologies for the choice language, ladies!

And MIL on hearing that I was pg again, having suffered a miscarriage a few months earlier, and had just lost one of the twins at 13wks (dd is surviving one): "Oh, it's not too late to get rid of it, you know"

Grrrr...

Oh, I'm sorry, I would have had to land one on her for that. I'm not violent as a rule but that is EVIL.

Yesterday in my new job the other new lady upon looking at an utterly fab boys christening cake - "oh it is lovely but wasted on a boy"
as if a baby girl would appreciate it mush more-the baby wont give a damn its for the parents! and she knows Ive got a son

Thank god she was on the other end of a phone line on a different continent, Meanoldmummy!

I had SPD, too, and she used to say I walked like I'd been sh*gging John Wayne. Lovely woman!

Awwwww - I was wheelchair-bound with SPD for six months with DS1. Agony. My stepdad used to say I was just lazy, and it was a fuss about nothing, and no wonder I was getting so fat sitting on my *rse all day!!!!!

You should have kneed him one where it hurts and then told him to stop being lazy and making a fuss about nothing. At least then he could have had some idea of what it felt like - at least for a couple of seconds, at any rate!

In-Laws - honestly!

Men, even!