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Things you shouldn't say to another mum you have only just met

258 replies

emkana · 15/01/2006 19:32

"I have just gone back to work after four years as a SAHM, about time, too, your brain just goes soft when you're at home all the time."

Said this mum at a b/day party to my friend and me... my friend has been a SAHM for seven years, me for nearly five years, we both have no immediate plans to return to work.
We didn't really take offence, I just thought it was funny, there are just some things I wouldn't say if I wasn't sure about the cirumstances of the people I was talking to.

OP posts:
foundintranslation · 15/01/2006 20:20

'So I see you're pg again already!'
Er. no... it's called a flabby tummy

A distant colleague to me last week: 'Well, of course it's easier for you know, what with sleeping through and all that'.
ds hardly knows the definition of sleep, let alone through.

foundintranslation · 15/01/2006 20:21

sorry: 'it's easier now you know'

Aloha · 15/01/2006 20:42

Could you please take those chocolate buttons away from your child as I am an anal control freak...

mandieb · 15/01/2006 22:01

Get this (I still cannot believe the stupid cow said it ) my husband had just been told he had cancer the day before and this stupid cow said Oh my dad had had that type and I said "oh no Im really sorry " and she said "yes he died really quickly ,within two weeks "

marthamoo · 15/01/2006 22:05

At a Mums and Tots group I used to go to another Mum -total stranger - asked me what I did and I said I was a SAHM. Her reply?

"What on Earth do you do all day?"

mummytosteven · 15/01/2006 22:10

Is your child mixed-race? What on earth business of hers would it be if he had been?

MrsSpoon · 15/01/2006 22:15

Slightly off topic but similar subject. A few months back I was a very good friend's house for a Body Shop party, I was discussing a girls night out I was arranging, she said, "ooh that sounds fund, really different" to which I replied "yes much more fun than boring Body Shop parties". I could have died, I didn't mean it like it sounded.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 15/01/2006 22:17

When DD was under 1 years old (and had lots of sticky uppy brown hair), I used to get lots of comments along the lines of "Do you style her hair like that?" or "ha ha ha, she looks like Elvis/beckham with her hair stuck up like that" ha bloody ha.

At a new mums group at the HV clinic we were talking about our labour experiences, our baby's names etc. When it came to me i told them mine and my DD's name. Went on to say "we called her Y X but we were going to call her X Y but so many people have called their DDs X recently".

Next woman to speak up said "my DD's name is X - i know what you just said about that name, but we actually like it very much"

mumfor1sttime · 15/01/2006 22:17

'My lo is so much hard work, she is a full time job, I couldnt go back to work - ' (my ds is obviously easier to look after!)

'I dont want to go back to work, I will miss everything'
(I needed to hear this...!)

'Are you having anymore?'(hate this!)

'you still have a bit of a belly then'(few weeks after a c section!)

'Whats that mark on ds head, has he had an accident or fell?' (Small strawberry mark!)

VeniVidiVickiQV · 15/01/2006 22:22

Oh, and this cropped up this week....... not so much something i said, but have made a friend recently who's partner is Sri Lankan.

I finally met him the other day, and was with DS. DS, 9 mths, wouldnt take his eyes off him, looking confused and followed him around the room. Her DP said, "He obviously doesnt see many brown men" I didnt quite know how to reply to that one!

Meanoldmummy · 15/01/2006 22:23

Oh mandieb...WHAT an insensitive cow!! You must have been gobsmacked, and gutted!! Some people must have had an empathy lobotomy.....

alexsmum · 15/01/2006 22:25

gosh you're so lucky to be a sahm- said to me by my neighbour as she was just getting in to her new car to go to the gym..and i was schlepping off to the bus stop dragging the ds's behind me!

so when's the little one due- said to me as i proudly pushed my ds1 aged 8 weeks in his new silver cross pram through london. i just pointed to the pram ! and then wept all the way home.

my ds1 had really curly hair and lots of people asked if it was natural!( no -i perm it!)and other people always said'isn't she beautiful' and when i pointed out that he was a boy, said' oh what a waste!'

milward · 15/01/2006 22:28

My mum on seeing me after I'd just had a cs with dd2 - "you look terrible" thanks alot

collision · 15/01/2006 22:30

Goldfish!

Snap! If anyone else, inc my Mum, says 'Next time you might get a girl,' I will stamp on their feet!'

So rude.

And unnecessary.

i love my 2 boys and would be thrilled to have another baby boy (but I am happy with the 2 I have and am not planning anymore.)

Meanoldmummy · 15/01/2006 22:31

my mum after I had spent six months in a wheelchair, five months injecting insulin twice a day, six weeks in hospital in abject terror and pain, 24 hours in labour and god knows how long in theatre/on a drip/having a transfusion/sobbing and panicking with my first baby in intensive care and my body in shreds....

"You might want to clean your teeth dear, they're looking a bit yellow"

Meanoldmummy · 15/01/2006 22:34

OH and my dad, on the day I was induced, in the lift back up to the ward to wait for the pains to start...

"Never mind dear, you're over the worst of it now"

?!?!?!?!?!?

chestnutter · 15/01/2006 22:35

At the toy library, another mum says to me:

"We only have wooden toys at home. There's nothing sadder than a child in a room full of flashing red plastic, is there?"

Good job my DD was too young to understand my lying agreement(before we disappeared back home to our flashing red plastic toy heaven!)

expatinscotland · 15/01/2006 22:35

I had someone ask me if I felt badly or guilty for having kids 'as poor as you are'.

I've also had lots of compliments on how thin I became after just having had both my girls.

I don't tell them that it's all down to horrible PND and frequent panic/anxiety attacks.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 15/01/2006 22:36

oooh, my dad said to me "Oh thats right, you dont cope with pain that well, you had an epidural with your DD"

sweetkitty · 15/01/2006 22:36

"nevermind you can always try for a boy next time" on hearing DD2 was a DD.

"oh a little mistake!" on hearing I was pregnant with DD2 9 months after DD1 was born, NO actually she was planned.

Meanoldmummy · 15/01/2006 22:37

my sister came to my house and said "Oh, you've really made the best of what you've got here...hardly seems pokey at all - I bet the kids hardly notice at all really"

expatinscotland · 15/01/2006 22:37

I get that one frequently, sweetkitty. As if we're somehow disappointed w/DD2.

Meanoldmummy · 15/01/2006 22:38

expat - that is mediaeval!!! cheeky sods

2dds · 15/01/2006 22:38

My aunt after finding out I had a ventouse delivery: 'could you not push?'

and a few months later: 'are you using contraception?'

my boss when I told him I was pregnant: 'are you happy'?

also detest: 'was it planned?'
and: 'how long did it take you?' (to conceive)

Dior · 15/01/2006 22:40

Message withdrawn