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Things you shouldn't say to another mum you have only just met

258 replies

emkana · 15/01/2006 19:32

"I have just gone back to work after four years as a SAHM, about time, too, your brain just goes soft when you're at home all the time."

Said this mum at a b/day party to my friend and me... my friend has been a SAHM for seven years, me for nearly five years, we both have no immediate plans to return to work.
We didn't really take offence, I just thought it was funny, there are just some things I wouldn't say if I wasn't sure about the cirumstances of the people I was talking to.

OP posts:
Clayhead · 18/01/2006 21:24

summerwood - I was asked 'What have you had then?' when I was nine months pregnant!!

I know I didn't have a very big bump but really! It made me absolutely paranoid but dd was 7lb when she made an appearance about a week later.

Skribble · 18/01/2006 22:53

"Oh you have a boy and a girl, ah a gentlemans family" always accompanied by a smug sort of knowing smile.

WTF if I had 2 girls or 2 boys would that be a scumbags family?????

Skribble · 18/01/2006 22:54

With rgards to my last one I am dying to say "Well perhaps if they had they same father!" never had the nerve yet.

Karmamother · 18/01/2006 23:21

On return to work after a miscarriage a colleague asked chirpily, "Are you feeling better now?" I foolishly replied, "yes, thanks" then mentally kicked myself for not saying something about dead babies.

OzJo · 19/01/2006 08:37

Coment from friend(ish) of mother, " oh you don't look as if you've put on nearly as much wieght as it looked from the pictures....", this was when Dd was about a year old and we were visiting England with her for the first time....this woman is a hopelessly miserable sod, I think I said..." thanks, I think."
My Dp asked a woman at playgroup how much longer she had to go, her 2 week old offspring was being held elsewhere, but the poor sod hasn't gone so red for a long time.

Dannie · 19/01/2006 10:13

Fat, stupid SIL: "Oooh, did you get stretchmarks with your third?". Apparently if you permanently look six months pg as she does, you don't get stretchmarks when you really ARE pg. Bet she looks great in a bikini

Lacrimosa · 19/01/2006 10:19

'I cant understand why you mothers complain its a doddle' said a new neighbour with five kids running round tearing the wallpaper in the breastfeeding workshop with me trying to feed ds 5 wks early with no sucking reflex!Cow!

Meanoldmummy · 19/01/2006 10:24

I had a similar experience with a breastfeeding group - one mum curled her lip and "said "you're making heavy weather of that" at my efforts to breastfeed ds1, 5wks early with no sucking reflex, while her 3yr old took her pants off and played with herself in the middle of a circle of 30 people. I didn't go again.

Shipping · 19/01/2006 10:26

Classic mother-in-law comment when ds was about two weeks old and, frankly, an absolute nightmare, constantly screaming etc and i was worn out and generally feeling totally inadequate:

"Isn't is amazing" she said "how I'm the ONLY one who can seem to calm him down".

Of course, the little devil was as quiet as a mouse...

Our relationship has never been quite the same since...

fennel · 19/01/2006 10:27

"did you have a relaxing holiday?" from work colleagues to me with 3 under 5's.

yeah, right... i wish.

"oh i'm so sorry". work colleague's reaction to my 3rd (planned) pregnancy.

ggglimpopo · 19/01/2006 10:30

Message withdrawn

Racers · 19/01/2006 10:30

Arrgh these people at bf groups are making me . They shouldn't go if they don't have anything supportive to say and if they don't need any help!

Very ed at many of these comments, especially workplace reactions to pregnancies.

Some very idiotic people around!

fluffymummy · 19/01/2006 10:50

"Of course you are breast feeding aren't you? Its so important to give your child a good start"

"Oh no, I wouldn't give my LO a dummy - I think children walking around with dummies look awful" as I give ds (aged 3 months) his...

Grrrr....

stripeybumpsmum · 19/01/2006 10:58

Slightly off topic...on discussing how far in advance weddings were planned, one of the assembled crowd said she bought her dress as soon as they started planning the day, i.e. three years. My jokey comment 'oh, I'd probably change my mind about the groom in that time, never mind the dress' hit tumble weed moment when another of the crowd explained her sister, also present but not really participating in conversation, had been jilted (literally at the alter) two weeks before...Ooops

COOKIE578 · 19/01/2006 12:55

a charming older person in a supermarket recently asked my daughters name then proceeded to tell me 'oooh there are so many of those these days' like it is the most common name on earth. bit my tongue but was quite angry!
felt like asking her name and then dissing it!

COOKIE578 · 19/01/2006 12:56

oh and another comment by a colleague via email this week said 'lady of leisure' when referring to my impending maternity leave for baby no.2

WHAT?!!! (clearly she has no kids of her own and has no idea that it ain't a holiday...)

Meanoldmummy · 19/01/2006 13:04

My dad called me a "lady of leisure" a few weeks ago, and said that his friends think I am a lazy cow for spending my time "swanning round the park with a couple of kids in the buggy" enjoying myself instead of using my education and getting a proper job. Charming!!!!!!!! He was quite suprised when I said "B**tards"!!!!!!!!

COOKIE578 · 19/01/2006 13:13

i work full time but remember my maternity leave well and it really is not leisurely, i go to work for a break! i guess people just don't think before they speak eh?!

paolosgirl · 19/01/2006 13:16

Mums of girls who say to me (I have one of each) "oooh, I don't know how you cope with a boy, I know I couldn't. I'm so glad I didn't have one - far too noisy" - or words to that effect

Meanoldmummy · 19/01/2006 13:16

Nobody with kids has leisure time, whether they work or not

COOKIE578 · 19/01/2006 13:25

i am laughing, i'm now wondering if i'm guilty of making a faux pas to a fellow mum in the past...i might shut up now!

Angeliz · 19/01/2006 13:26

Oh i've been caleed a lady of feisure, lady muck and a colluege of my sisters said my life is like Victoria Beckhams. WTF you stupid cow!!

iota · 19/01/2006 13:27

I am a lady of leisure - I pack my kids off to school and pre-school

Meanoldmummy · 19/01/2006 13:29

I did it this morning. I was picking up DS1 from nursery school and was already in a foul mood because of the unexplained scratches on his face (another thread - grr!) He was just getting himself down the steps when I heard a really loud, aggressive-sounding, deep roar from a dog about two feet away - it made me jump! So I grabbed DS1's hood and said loudly "Hold on a minute XXX, there's a really ugly-sounding dog round there!" I turned round to see a scowling and very p**sed off woman, obviously the owner, who said "Actually he's very good with children"!! The dog was about 4ft tall and huge...but he was tied to a lamp-post.

betamum · 19/01/2006 13:53

a "friend" when i told her of my second pregnancy when DD1 was 11 months old. " You're just not getting the hang of contraception are you?" Had DD1 16m after we got married.( we had gotten married at about the same time and she hadn't had kids yet by then - last i heard she was rushing to have number 2 as worried about some clock or other!!)

and FIL a day after my CS - "right, better start exercising then"

and SIL sent me an email with tips on how to conceive a boy recently - she has a perfect pair of course! - i confess my reply probably pushed a button or two as i can be a B*tch when provoked.