Things you shouldn't say to another mum you have only just met

[emkana]

"I have just gone back to work after four years as a SAHM, about time, too, your brain just goes soft when you're at home all the time."

Said this mum at a b/day party to my friend and me... my friend has been a SAHM for seven years, me for nearly five years, we both have no immediate plans to return to work.
We didn't really take offence, I just thought it was funny, there are just some things I wouldn't say if I wasn't sure about the cirumstances of the people I was talking to.

at a family gathering

"oh, you're bottle feeding! well I suppose that breast feeding was too much like hard work then."

at NCT meeting

"Oh she's bottle fed, I guess you didn't go on the NCT antenatal course then cos they explain how important it is you know (breastfeeding)"

In hospital, midwife said

"Oh, I've never seen nipples that bad before, no wonder the poor dear can't latch on!" and then called others to see.

and later the same midwife

"why are you crying so much the poor thing wont feel loved you know"

"Yes - I do bottle feed as I am one of the 2 in 100 that can't breast feed. It is not the easy option, I would love to breast feed and did express exclusively for 2 months". Some people just don't think do they?

ah that reminds me gingernutlover
mw when I was having my first bf with dd1
"well your nipples are too small and they point in the wrong direction, but we might as well give it a try...."
yes well still bf nearly three years later so yes it was worth a try

me to mw 1.5 hours after DS was born "I'm so tired"

mw - "you'll always been tired now, you've got a baby"

Mum telling me the post-preg weight would drop off if I breast fed - 6 months later (having bf exclusivly) telling me (whilst eyeing my still large hips and bum) how much harder she had worked and how I must be lazy. Thanks mum!

i do rather wish i hadn't said quite so many of these at one time or another.

fennel the ever-tactless....

Door to door Saleman to my sister "when are you due?" Sister "it's on the living room carpet" Her ds was 6 mths old

My mother who came to stay with us for 10 days (too long) 4 weeks after ds was born -

'All 'mine' were sleeping through the night at a month, I wished they hadn't, I would have enjoyed getting up in teh night to feed them.' (i have 5 siblings)Grrrrrrrrr!

And...

'None of 'mine' ever cried'

And when I got married at 8 months pregnant I was stupid enough to ask my mother if I looked OK, she looked me up and down and replied 'Oh well, that's the best we can do!'

Can't think of many after birth ones but too many pregnancy ones to mention.

8.5 mths preg ds1 overheard conversation between a security guard and a shop assistant" I don't remember x being that big!" to which I replied "Its triplets!" (he was nearly 10lbs)

Finding out that the surveyors at work were running a book on how big my baby was going to be!

Midwife at booking appoint for dd well you'd better think very carefuly and go and get a test done. You're very high risk for Downs your quite old! I'm 38 for GS.

I had ds weighed a few days after family gathering at the weekend and my MIL said to me " I cant believe he hasn't put any weight on this week after everything you ate this weekend" !

Too many stupid comments from too many stupid people to mention ! I put a lot of it down to jealousy and shrug it off...

When DS2 was about two months old and it was becoming clear that his strawberry mark was increasing in size at such a rate that it could plausibly end up covering his eye and causing him to lose either his eye or the sight in his eye permanently. We were sitting in a consultant's office - yet another consultant - waiting to be briefed about the possibility of injecting either steroids or warfarin into his face to try and halt its growth. I hadn't had a decent night's sleep since he was born and my husband could barely speak.

The nurse came in, ruffled DS1's hair and said brightly "Don't they look alike!! They could be twins! Mind you, it's a good think your little one has got that birthmark really, at least you won't get them mixed up, ha ha ha!!!"

MoM , I take it the nurse didn't realise why you were there!

Oh yes, she was the consultant's assistant!!

My Dad regularly phones me at the weekend at about 9.30/10.00 and says " I didnt phone earlier in case you were still in bed" - chance would be a fine thing, I have DS1 2.5 and DD1 12 months - up from about 6am! He still thinks I am a teenager (I'm not!)

Said to my mum about me (I'm mixed race)in the maternity home (1960s)by a midwife "Oh hasn't she got a funny nose" and by a complete stranger whilst walking me out in the pram "Is she one of yours?"

HC - pmsl @ nipples pointing in wrong direction.

HC - I sneaked a peek at the notes they were making about me and DS1 in the intesnsive care unit and found: "Breastfeeding has been difficult as mother has unusual-shaped nipples and baby suffers from a large overbite" Neither of which is remotely true!!! I was furious...the reason breastfeeding was difficult was because the buggers insisted on giving him a dummy BEFORE taking the feeding tube out, so he couldn't work our how to latch onto a real boob by the time I got near him

Anyhting at all that refers to the mother's size or plans for subsequent children.

About 6 months after DS2's birth, DS1 and I had a nice day out, just the 2 of us, as a treat before he started school. We went to the Thinktank in Birmingham. Had a nice time, saw loads of things, went to the gift shop to buy DS1 some tat, and the nice lady at the till starts talking to him, "How old are you? Have you started school yet? "etc etc. Then she said, looking at me, "And you're having a little brother or sister soon, how nice!" I was totally shoked and managed to mumble "He's already had him!" before scurrying out. I felt like crying.

I also used to get totally pissed off with people asking when we were going to 'start a family' (we were married for 10 years before becoming parents), and, once DS1 appeared, when we were going to have another one.

Spousal support can be a bit off the mark sometimes: -

Me, in tearful sleep-deprived state: "Sometimes I worry that I'm not that good a mum."

DP, soothingly: "Oh no, darling, that's not true. You're much better than anyone thought you'd be".

I'm sure he meant well!!!!!!!!

i had a similar experience to wordsmith! going back to work 4 months after the birth of dd one of my customers said " i can't believe you've not had that baby yet" I was like erm.... i had her 4 months ago!! gutted!!!

oh and another thing i hate, ladies of older generations saying "you mums have it so easy these days, it was much harder when i had mine"!!

and people who say " it only gets harder as they get older"

Argggggggggg!!!!!

old ladies can be the worst i had an 'in my day we walked everywhere with our babies because we couldn't get our prams on the bus!' and she then ranted because a second pushchair got on the bus and the driver made her move to the old lady seats from the pram seats! with mumbles of don't know they're born and babies should be in the fresh air not on buses!!

Matonic.....ahh chick, that made me laugh out , esp as your dp really thought he was being nice! just sort of thing my dp will prob end up saying!!

I've told this story before but, out with DS1 who was very small (45 cm and 5 lbs, looked like a plucked chicken tbh tho I didn't think so at the time obv). Elderly lady in shop: 'is he going to live?'

Er, yes.

And the HV's / MW's / passers by X100 who saw DS's size then told me off for smoking whilst pg. I did not ever smoke. Did thy believe me? Did they Hell! I even had a long lecture from a MW about denial (think I'd know if I smoked?) and a lady-who-knew-coz-her-daughter-was- a- scbu-nurse berating me publicly.