.... to be fed-up when people moan about not being about to conceive DC 2/3/4/5/6/whatever

[AuntieDoris]

... when I can't even manage to get pregnant with number 1?

I know it doesn't make any difference to me but it still unreasonably winds me up :(

iMemoo I think you need to stop shouting at those of us sharing our experiences of pain and tellings us that we're 'nasty nasty bastards'. Do you have any idea of how much pain I've been through? Or Jodie has been through? Or anyone has been through? Or does that not count?

No ok, let's leave it here so over the next few days a few miore mothers who are struggling to conceive can see it and be told that despite the 10 miscarriages and the ectopic pregnancy that nearly killed her and deprived her of a Fallopian tube, she has no right to be hurting and she should stop fucking moaning because at least she already has a child.

Of course your pain counts. I'm not shouting at the people who are sharing their experiences. I'm angry at the people saying that those who already have a baby should stop moaning.

iMemoo - but no-one has said that, not as I've read it.
Everyone has agreed that infertility is hell.

I do think it is different to experience primary or secondary infertility, as others have said, it's the thought of never ever becoming a parent, as opposed to being able to become a parent again, but both types are awful and distressing and I have huge sympathy for anyone in either situation.

Best of luck to everyone.

IMemoo- your volatile, ott, angry, sweary style of posting is the only thing I find offensive on this thread.
On emotive threads like this, people have different opinions, debates get heated.

Report away, I just hope you step back for a second and reconsider some of the thoughts you have expressed on this thread. And I hope you sleep tonight knowing that at least one woman who has experienced mulitple miscarriages has been driven off the board

Well done < slow clap >

Agree AS.

I always am slightly amused at the idea of secondary and primary infertility though, as when we started to have fertility investigations it was written down on the blood test form as 'secondary infertility' we were childless but infertility was apparently medically classed as secondary because we had previously conceived but miscarried. Bonkers.

But 'pull the thread... Bastards.. Fucking this that and the other..' it's just annoying.

imemoo - I really think you're reading a different thread to me.

I've only read sympathy for all those struggling to conceive but special sypathy for those who may never become parents.

ASByatt, the op said it inthe thread title!

'I've only read sympathy for all those struggling to conceive but special sypathy for those who may never become parents.

I agree with this, tbh imemoo you seem to be the only person being intentionally cruel and throwing insults around

Reading a different thread!? Do you want me to highlight all the comments saying it's not as bad when you've already got a child?

If you say "but it's totally different if you are a parent vs perhaps facing never being one", that does have potential to be inflammatory on an open forum, as it really does seem to suggest that not being a parent is the worst thing that can happen you and as long as you have one child you should be thankful/grateful etc and not "moan" about wanting another. Does anyone really believe that if they had two children and the second one died, it would be okay as one is still living? That if they had three, four, five or six children and one died that that loss would be offset by the existence of other children? That it is straightforward to suggest that as long as you are a parent it is not as painful as not being able to be one when you want to? Surely they are just different, rather than things you can compare?

Oh don't start comparing it to losing children. Please, just don't.

Immortal tbh imemoo you seem to be the only person being intentionally cruel and throwing insults around
My thoughts exactly.

My point is that you can't compare, and that all comparisons are hurtful on an open forum. What good can ever come of someone saying to someone else "my pain is worse than yours and you are deluded to think otherwise?" What possible positive outcome can there be?

iMemoo (in response to your comment to me) - but she also said that she was aware that she was 'unreasonably' wound up about it.

Noone is arguing that infertility of any sort is anything other than horrendous, as I see it.

Yes jody, I do know how warm and wonderful Lissie is. I also know she is far to gracious and kind to be rude to people on here.

What I also see in the conversation I've had tonight with lissie on FB is a woman who has be left feeling extremely hurt and upset by thus thread. She is questioning all the support she has received from here in the past.

And I feel lots of compassion. What has stunned and angered me tonight is a group of women who should be supporting each other ate instead competing to decide who had it the hardest.

you have no idea what I am doing sorry, did I miss a memo that said I was suppose to justify myself to you !

I think that when your ttc many things irritate. It used to irritate me when people said 'oh just relax' or 'my friend ate oysters and was pregnant within 2 days'.

The point is people were being well meaning and kind but I was not in a happy place.

But even then I realised I was lucky to already have a child. And I also realise that compared to people like lissie - well I've been incredibly lucky.

I just feel so sad for anyone struggling to conceive - its horrid and awful and does take over your life.

This thread is bullshit.

It's like being told "sorry you just had your 2nd/3rd miscarriage IN A ROW, at least you already have one!".

No banana it's not like that at all, because no one has said that.