I have just had the shock of my life and really don't know what to do.

[santababee]

I will preface this by saying I have only posted once using this name, I am a regular poster,Iknow, I know, we read it all the time don't we? Me included.
I am in a state ATM.

Dh had a colleague who he was very close to(for osme reason even hearing her voice made a small alarm bell ring. He would go for coffee with her regularly, advised her about various things to do with her wedding (we had gotten married a year before)just general stuff like that.
She's never met me or addressed anything to me directly but also bought ds some things when he was small. I do remember reading something which had "I miss you alot" on a card or something from her, anyway. She was tranferred to another office hundreds of miles away about 18 months and I found out from an acquantance that she's had a baby. I thought it odd that my dh never mentioned it as he tends to drop into conversation anyone who is having a baby close to us and also quite relieved thather time would be taken up elsewhere!
I was being nosey and asked the acquantance a few bits about her baby wanting to send a few gifts for her from me rather than dh IYKWIM, kind of silly I know but I wanted to gain a bit of control (does that make sence?)

She e mailed a photo of this lady's baby and I nearly fell off my chair. The baby is so like my son that at first I thought it was a joke or at best a mistake. Her baby is the double of my husband.

I have sat here opening and shutting the photo in disbelief. I am talking myself out of being stupid ,then comparing photos of my ds. I've been doing this for a couple of hours even leaving my ds with my neighbour as I can' think straight, type properly or do much really.

I know the colleagues e mail address and have resisted the urge to mail her a pic of my son with a question mark next to it. I'm imagining all sorts.

and the lady who e mailed me the picture she isn't a mate of mine.She's dh's workmate's wife who used to work with them all. Do you think it would sound a bit too nosey or suspicious if I asked how old he was?

Is it at all possible to bury this thought, put it totally out of your mind, and not ask any questions?

If it's all a coincidence, which it could well be, then there's nothing to be gained by probing further. And if it's not a coincidence, are you prepared for the aftermath of the truth coming out?

If your dh is with you and is loving and a good father etc, then he is with you, not her. I don't condone infidelity at all, but if it did happen and he's had to make his choice, he's made it, iyswim.

I say all this as devil's advocate, because frankly I don't think I could rest until I knew the truth.

Something is definitely wrong here. I just know it is.

If you were planning on buying something you would need age for size of clothing 3-6 months or 6-9 months etc.

Think she should definitely be your first port of call. You could also tell her you were suprised baby was so dark and see what she says ...

oh god poor you....id be just like you now.you must feel sick.

try not to let your mind run away with you though.fuelled by adrenalin you may take a massive detour from reality!!

all i can say is wait wait wait before you do anything xx

i hope you get stuff off your chest

Has PPH had similar? I didn't think so
??

Yes Kay. That's a perfect idea. I'm going to mail and ask what age.

OK, practicalities.
If you're going to go down the 'How old is he?' route, you'll need to source a present that is customised with his birth date, not just sizes of clothes.
And remember that babies come early and late when working out conception dates.

Santababee, I truly believe that this is just some wierd coincidence...if you are really concerned then I would ask your DH, show hijm the photo and say something nonchalant like "I nearly fell off my chair when X emailed this photo of Y's baby...he is exactly the image of OUR DS isn't he?"...watch for his reaction, don't confront him and see what happens.
I would bet that this is coincidence though.

Right.

I think I'll get out of here I'm going to get ds. I'll go mad if I don't get away from the PC.

I just don't know how I am going to act normal tonight.

Just supposing ok, just supposing I find out the dates could be possible what would I do? Try to contact her husband to ask where she was however long ago? Contact her ?(I know she has e mail)

oooh - somebody on this site was doing prints that had babies name and birthdate. That would explain why you needed date.

Lots of babies have dark hair when they are born that goes fairer and vice versa. If you need some kind of answer today then call the lady that sent you the email and ask the age like others have said.

don't jump to too many conclusions santabee. Babies often look alike when they are very little. I have a picture of ds & one of his NCT babies and at 6 weeks old they look like twins but now ds has dark blonde hair and brown eyes and his "twin" has white blonde hair and bright blue eyes. They look absolutely nothing like each other.
Men are often very expediant about work friendships & since this woman moved away, he may barely have been in touch with her.
Please don't email your dh's work colleague - it will just look really strange.
Ask your dh tonight how the colleague is and see what reaction you get - you'll know if something is wrong.

No Bugsy, I'm sorry I just can't accept that. This baby has a dimple in his chin,like dh and ds, the same smile and the exact same skin tone. How can two such pale people have produced a baby like him? It's too close.

NO NO NO, you do not contact her.

You are leaping ahead twenty steps here.

Do what Lizzylou says. See what your dh's reaction is.

If in doubt, after he's responded, smile, sound light and say "Do you know, someone could almost believe it was your baby." See if he acts out of character.

DO NOT accuse, and don't dare even suggest the idea to the mother unless you have something more substantial to go on.
Damaging your own marriage because you have doubts is one thing, damaging someone elses is another thing altogether.

I agree with Easy...how awful would you feel if someone insinuated that your baby wasn't fathered by your husband??
Both my husband and I are paleskinned and DS looked quite tanned until he was about 12 weeks...now he is an absolute split between the two of us.

just thought...wouldnt her husband be thinking the same stuff to you?

id wait for signs of doubt from their end before doing anything...easy advice to give i know xx

I would play it cool - but i would also find out the age of the baby as beetroot said - and follow it up with a little present.

You are not going to rest till you find out one way or another, but now you have to figure out a painless and least destructive way of putting your fears to rest....

I don't think you should jump to conclusions either - not unless you have another reason to be suspicious, other than the similarity.

My ds1 has strawberry blonde hair and neither me or dh do - in fact red hair has skipped a couple of generations and only one of each of our grandparents has it. Babies can also start off dark - ds2's hair was very dark brown when he was born, it fell out at 6 months and now it's blonde.

IMO, at 6-8 weeks it's very easy for babies to look similar to each other.