Rant about HV, DH and PND

[pie]

wasn't sure which topic to put this in...feeling hysterically weepy. Got about 2 minutes until the babe wants feeding again.

DH took DD2 to baby clinic today (I'm still too immobile to get that far though did manage 100 yards with no crutches ). He gets back and tells me that the baby hasn't gained any weight since Thursday, this is on different scales mind you, and that HV has told him that if she hasn't gained by next week then she MUST be topped up with formula. Also that she should be drinking water as she is still a tiny, and I mean tiny, bit jaundice. I have read that bottles of water (and this is what she is talking about) are not so good for bf babies as it can mess with the sodium levels, but its fine for ff babies. And we should give her a dummy. She was rooting whilst I wasn't there, but no, not because she might have been hungry but because she needs a dummy.

Anyway DH comes home completely agrees with HV...I said that those growth charts are based on ff babies not bf...that shes not dehydrated, shes awake and becoming more alert every day and it was a different set of bloody scales. So DH gives me the 'fine I won't have anything to do with bringing up this baby' line and goes off in a huff, shouting at me that 'babies all over the world have formula and are fine'. I replied yes, but there is nothing wrong with DD2 so I don't want to give her formula, and that there is a really big history of allergies in my family. We aren't talking.

Dh has, since the day baby was born, been pressuring me to express milk so that he can feed her. Of course I don't have a problem with this, but I said I wanted to wait until bf was established and the earliest was about 6 weeks. DD2 is a lazy sucker! You really have to wake her up and take off nappies etc to get her to feed so I just feel that introducing a bottle now would only discourage her from the harder work of bf.

DH pressured me all the way through my pregnancy to have a c/s because of the SPD. How do you deal with a partner who believes in totally different things (none of which I knew before I got pregnant as it had never come up)

I don't know if his hostility to everything I do is why I feel so angry and weepy the past few days, why I want things to go back to how they were before I ever got pregnant. Don't get me wrong I love DD2, I wanted another baby, but its been nothing but heartbreak for months. I just want to run away. But given my history of depression I was wondering if I was feeling the first signs of PND rather than a natural reaction to everything.

I'm going to go to baby clinic next week, so HV can fight with me...but I'm worried as a condition of joining my GP's surgery is that I tick the box that agrees to 'Child surveillance' what does that mean??? That I have to see HV? Going to buy my own bloody scales.

Sorry for rant

Thank you Rhubarb...its so true when you are feeling depressed that you just get swamped by 'help' from the professionals. I just want to retreat when I feel low. I don't think I will mention how I'm feeling until my 6 week check. I know that I maybe I should get help sooner but I really don't know whether I am in the midsts of anything clinical or if its a natural reaction to everything that will get better with time and perspective. I want to wait as in all likelyhood I would be offered (and take) medication as well, and I'd rather not unless its is a clinical depression.

DH is always asking if I want him to leave.

What a cow your HV sounds like!

Sending luck and hugs right back at you Rhubarb. xx

Pie - you sound perfectly normal to me! Plus you don't have to take anti-D's, have you thought about the progesterone treatment? You can still b/f whilst on that, it's the route I'm going to take.
You've got 2 children now - is that right? I'm guessing you do most of the childcare. You've been put under pressure by your HV and DH and rightly feel like they are ganging up on you. Plus you've got mobility problems and all the problems that come with b/f. So give yourself a break, if you lose your temper or feel like running away, don't be too quick to diagnose it as the start of PND. Many professionals (and dh's) like to tell you that you have PND when you don't because then they can tell you that you are being unreasonable when you are not. And you are more likely to be 'obedient' and do as your told if you think you're suffering from depression. So tell them all to get off your case and give you the space you need!
I think you're doing brilliantly! You're a fighter, keep it up!

Hope I don't offend any HV's out there, but my boss did a piece of research on their general level of medical education (in particular, their ability to retain the info they've been taught) and the results weren't good. That's a generalisation, but everything I've heard seems to back it up. My HV is sweet as it happens, but there were terms I couldn't use because they'd have gone over her head. That's not good in a health professional.
I echo the great posts you've had, Pie. Keep on b/feeding, you're doing a great job. Bin the centiles and ignore your HV - she sounds like a particularly bad 'un from a poor bunch.
As for your DH - could he read some b/f or HV threads?

The following link may be of interest to those of you with breastfed babies

breastfedcharts

Droile, that's interesting about the research. The anecdotal evidence here does seem to back that up doesn't it? Pie, how's it going?

Hey www...called Dr to day, have appointment in a week to talk about anti-depressants. Cried most of afternoon, feeling very very very low, thought of self harming etc.

So tired of it all.

Oh Pie, isn't a week too long? Can't you see CPN or someone sooner?

GP is the only one I trust, might try and talk to her on the phone though.

Please do - GP might still be at surgery now.

I am so sorry to hear you are feeling low still - perhaps talking things through with a doctor may help even if you dont end up with anti depressants.

i took them for a while after a bereavement and found them helpful ao dont rule it out if it helps you through a rough patch

Good luck to you - Big hugs{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}

Hi Pie, it sounds like you really need to talk to someone tonight. Would you try the Samaritans? Their phone number is 08457 90 90 90 or you can find your local branch here . Or, you can post more and I'll (at least me - whoever else is checking tonight, too, I'm sure) listen/try and cheer you up/ whatever you want. Or you can email me at [email protected] -- I've just put a loud noise on to alert me of incoming mail.

I felt like your last post last week. What helped me was telling my husband, although I realise it doesn't work for everyone. But I definitely feel for you right now and wish I could take some of it from you.

pie,

Please talk to someone tonight. Does your gp have an emergency surgery tomorrow you could get to or even a home visit if she understood how bad you feel - please don't wait a week.

Pie - just read this.... have tried to call you..... please feel free to ring me (in what ever state).

Darling pie, superior hugs from me((()))))

Pie,

Please try and press your GP surgery for an earlier appointment. Thinking of you and hoping you are okay.

Hugs Pie, hope you are OK.

Pie, m'dear, echo everyone else, sending hugs and thinking of you.

I'm reading this quite late Pie, but hope you are feeling a bit better. Sorry to hear you've been feeling so bad, thinking about you a lot.
xxxx

Pie, biggest hugs from me too. What can I say? Just take care of yourself.

pie, just found this discussion.
Hope you are getting some help with your feelings of despair.
As for the lack of weight gain, this brings back all kinds of memories for me of my third baby.
He lost quite abit of weigh in the first few days ( more than 10%) . With fantastic help from Mears and others I just kept feeding him and avoided the scales (even took him home against hospital advice - bless them, they were only trying to help) as I could see with my own eyes and feel with my hands he was perfectly healthy.
Hope you feel better soon.

Thank you everyone.

I didn't mean to get anyone worried. Went to bed early last night knowing I was going to be up early again.

I will try Dr again on Monday, but to be honest it was everything I could do to call and make an appointment yesterday.

Yesterday was just the lowest I have gotten in over a year and I know that whilst those totally desperate feeling have subsided for today they'll be back in a couple of days, or sooner.

There is a walk in mental health service near me so if I can't get to see the Dr sooner then I know there is somewhere I can go. Though I won't be going as my first port of call there as I really don't want them to suggest admission or anything.

Anyway....um...I dunno!

Thanks everyone.

Pie, hope today has been more bearable for you. I have just read your rant and I'm sure it's not a sign of depression to feel huge frustration with your HV's insensitivity and you dh's blind trust of professionals. I cannot see why your HV could not visit you at home, given your circumstances.

I hope your doctor's appointment on Monday goes really well and, most importantly, you feel you are being listened to properly. Hugs.

Hi, thanks for checking up on me

Today has been slightly less high drama than yesterday. Went with DH and the children to feed ducks, cried hysterically in the middle of the cereal aisle at Sainsburys, admitted to my mum that I have had suicidal feelings again (very hard to tell her that as it still breaks her heart...she was the only one to see me through my pre-child suicide attempts).

I feel that I have let her down - again. But she sounds ok and pleased that I am already seeking help.

DH has been FANTASTIC, really making an effort, I don't think he realised how bad I have been feeling (actually I didn't either), but he has been tender, loving and very kind to me these past couple of days.

We are getting a breast pump so that I can try to have some me time, whatever that entails. I would really like to get my hair cut/restyled but am broke (well theres always something more important than hair) desperation has driven me to look at the website for The Salon (the chanel 4 thing) as it would be free...but have decided now is not the time to appear on national TV.