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My friend slept with a man at the weekend who took his condom off... is this sexual assault?

172 replies

colditz · 21/08/2005 21:05

She went out iwth a group of friends, and ended up in bed with this chap.

She never wants children, is a 25 year old career girl in fact, and she made it abundantly clear that he would have to use a condom, as she is not on the pill.

He really did not want to use the condom, but she managed to ensure that he did.

They had been having sex for about 5 minutes, when she realised the condom had gone missing. She kicked him off, and asked him where it was, and she found it on his side of the bed.

At this point, she got dressed and stormed out.

She says that she could tell by his reaction that it was not a mistake, he had been moaning all the way through about wearing the condom, and when they changed position (at his instigation) she thinks he took it off.

He has not spoken to her since, even though she was at his (shared) house the next day. He made himself very scarce.

Where does she stand on this legally? she is going to g to the GUM clinic this week, but she is sooooo angry, and I would be too.

OP posts:
Twiglett · 21/08/2005 21:07

don 't know but .. what an arse

(personally I would make sure everyone knew and throw in that he had a really thin dick too)

hymenlover · 21/08/2005 21:08

hmmm i'll be interested to hear other people's thoughts on this one..
not sure myself....

HappyMumof2 · 21/08/2005 21:08

Message withdrawn

turquoise · 21/08/2005 21:10

Some kind of 'reckless endangerment' perhaps?

What a total tosser.

Branster · 21/08/2005 21:11

i think calling this sexula assault is a bit too much imho. i'd say is more a case of lying to one another (him to her in this case)
what was she doing agreeing to have sex with someone if she didn't trust him 100% in the first place?
she should deffinetly go to the clinic because he's obviously not in the habit of using condoms so high risk of infections.
i hope she's OK and will be choosier next time.

HappyMumof2 · 21/08/2005 21:13

Message withdrawn

colditz · 21/08/2005 21:16

But surely if exposing your genital to someone without their expressed consent is sexual assault, isn't this?

OP posts:
Heathcliffscathy · 21/08/2005 21:17

i don't know what it is legally but morally it is totally wrong and abhorrent. poor woman. blokes like him give the whole sex a bad name imo.

she should be able to have a one night stand with someone she fancies, make clear that she wants a condom used and for him to respect that or not have sex with her at all.

v angry on her behalf.

could be very serious in terms of stds but the likelihood is she will be ok....i hope so.

hymenlover · 21/08/2005 21:17

i think she'd be hard-pressed to prove it... her word against his..

HappyMumof2 · 21/08/2005 21:18

Message withdrawn

QueenOfQuotes · 21/08/2005 21:19

Not sure whether it would or not, depends on if any thing happens (ie pg or infection of any descriptioin).

However, I would recommend your friend taking the pill, or using other forms of contraception - so that she at least avoids the risk of pg if this happens again.

Heathcliffscathy · 21/08/2005 21:19

branster, sorry but you can't pin this on her! she was an adult seeking consensual sex with another adult: she had every right to expect him to respect her wishes regarding the condom...she is the victim here....nothing to do with being choosy or trust: you could say that you shouldn't ever accept a lift from an aquaintance that you meet at a mutual friends party for fear of them being a reckless driver???

hymenlover · 21/08/2005 21:21

ran this one past DP who was shocked to say the least! he reckons yes... sexual assault of some description, but only for want of a better word...

difficult one though

hercules · 21/08/2005 21:26

That's awful! To me it it's assault and nasty but no idea in the eyes of the law.

soapbox · 21/08/2005 21:27

where do you draw the line though??? Is the woman who lies about having a diaphram on committing sexual assualt or lying aboutv being on the pill?? Yet many 'accidents' of this type happen all the time!

I don't think it is sexual assault but I definately think that something marally repugnant happened here and I would advise your friend to diss him to every person who will listen to her!

HappyMumof2 · 21/08/2005 21:28

Message withdrawn

jabberwocky · 21/08/2005 21:34

Hmmm, i wonder if she would be able to press some sort of charges to get him tested for STD's?

HappyMumof2 · 21/08/2005 21:37

Message withdrawn

colditz · 21/08/2005 21:39

He had to stop, she physically kicked him off and stormed out.

he is a friend of her sister's, so she trusted him more than she would the average stranger.

OP posts:
ebbie22 · 21/08/2005 21:42

Also ran this one past my dh....
It is wrong but not much other than word of mouth that she can do...Unless he passed on an infection std etc that he knew he had.....
Hard case to prove...But could be done....
Still wrong but maybe not assult in the eyes of the law..

ebbie22 · 21/08/2005 21:42

happymumof2....

starlover · 21/08/2005 21:45

soapbox i think it's different the other way round though.

the ONLY way of ensuring that you do not pass on an STD for example is to use a condom.
yes, a woman could get pg by lying about being on the pill etc, but it isn't really the same as passing on a disease
If you are relying on a woman using contraception you KNOW that your genitals are going to come into full contact with each other

Heathcliffscathy · 21/08/2005 21:47

i think that she should embarrass him: anyone in his aquaintance should know what kind of bloke he is!

what does her sister think?

soapbox · 21/08/2005 21:48

But Starlover an STD can almost always be treated with some notable exceptions, however a child is potentially for life!

starlover · 21/08/2005 21:50

but int he same situation the woman isn't forcing the man to come into full contact with her.... he knows he will be

in colditz's friend's case she requested that protection be worn and the man purposefully removed that barrier

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