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My friend slept with a man at the weekend who took his condom off... is this sexual assault?

172 replies

colditz · 21/08/2005 21:05

She went out iwth a group of friends, and ended up in bed with this chap.

She never wants children, is a 25 year old career girl in fact, and she made it abundantly clear that he would have to use a condom, as she is not on the pill.

He really did not want to use the condom, but she managed to ensure that he did.

They had been having sex for about 5 minutes, when she realised the condom had gone missing. She kicked him off, and asked him where it was, and she found it on his side of the bed.

At this point, she got dressed and stormed out.

She says that she could tell by his reaction that it was not a mistake, he had been moaning all the way through about wearing the condom, and when they changed position (at his instigation) she thinks he took it off.

He has not spoken to her since, even though she was at his (shared) house the next day. He made himself very scarce.

Where does she stand on this legally? she is going to g to the GUM clinic this week, but she is sooooo angry, and I would be too.

OP posts:
Mum2girls · 22/08/2005 12:51

I don't think anyone has said that what the guy did could in any way be excused.

I think what some people are saying is do all you can to prevent yourself becoming a 'victim' in a situation like this.

Fio2 · 22/08/2005 14:14

god i havent just left school i do know how babies are made

piffle · 22/08/2005 14:21

I once had consensual sex with a chap who had damaged the condom - I got pregnant as a result, the police were prepared to charge him with something had I wanted it, but as it was consensual I really stood sod all chance as they put it.
Well done your mate for getting him off.
I know if you end up catching something like HIV it can be very serious...
If he is trying to spread an infection it could also be assault, so it might be worth popping by the cop shop for some advice.

EnidfromtheVILLAGE · 22/08/2005 14:24

an aside...why on earth is she shagging blokes without being on the pill if she never wants children?

Fio2 · 22/08/2005 14:28

i have never took the pill
just thought i would share

starshaker · 22/08/2005 14:28

she made him use a condom

EnidfromtheVILLAGE · 22/08/2005 14:29

condoms not reliable enough if you really don't want children, sorry

Fio2 · 22/08/2005 14:29

frig arent they? i thought they 98%?

Easy · 22/08/2005 14:30

You know, no-one has said this, and I know I'm old-fashioned, but here goes....

This is the risk you take having casual sex with someone you don't know.
I grew up believing that sex is not just a way of passing time at the end of a night out. Yes, it's fun, but soooo much better with someone you know well, dare I say Love. One night stands are by nature, risky.
If you don't want to take the risk, save it for someone who respects you (and casual acquiantances have no reason to).

Right, I'll put on my tin helmet and take cover now.

EnidfromtheVILLAGE · 22/08/2005 14:30

maybe if they work properly

but they split a lot and can come off etc etc

starshaker · 22/08/2005 14:31

well neither is the pill i fell pg while on pill

Fio2 · 22/08/2005 14:31

I'm with you Easy

and yes you are right Enid, they are very effective though if you have used them for 10 whole years and know how to use them

EnidfromtheVILLAGE · 22/08/2005 14:32

sorry but the pill is genuinely more reliable than condoms

I would never have slept around without being on the pill. It is asking for trouble IMO.

you can still make them wear a condom to protect against STDs etc

EnidfromtheVILLAGE · 22/08/2005 14:33

agree Fio

we use them happily

but theres a difference between using them happily for 10 years and trusting some bloke you hardly know to use them

Mum2girls · 22/08/2005 14:34

Easy - your mn name is a misnomer

ark · 22/08/2005 14:35

Perhaps the pill doesn't suit her? Not for everybody - I had very nasty reactions to all 4 types of pill I have tried. But you are right if you don't want kids you should be aware of have a back up contraceptive if you use condoms.

Pruni · 22/08/2005 14:40

Message withdrawn

Fio2 · 22/08/2005 14:40

I agree enid

Pruni · 22/08/2005 14:41

Message withdrawn

BadgerBadger · 22/08/2005 14:42

Yes, there are many ways to protect youself, not least by not shagging a man you hardly know.

But, given Colditz friend's current situation, banging on about what she 'should have' done is a bit like shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted.....isn't it?! Hardly productive in providing a possible solution.

Fio2 · 22/08/2005 14:42

oh its all a very dark area, I mean reading fairyfly's post about women pretending they are on the pill in order to get pregnant too, that isnt illegal

even though i dont agree with either scenario

starshaker · 22/08/2005 14:42

yeah but her choice to go on the pill is not the issue its that the prick took her protection away from her and put her at risk

Easy · 22/08/2005 14:44

There are still some people who believe that 'sleeping around' is abhorrent too.

Toothache · 22/08/2005 14:47

Sorry... but there seem to be parallels being drawn here... and noone seems to be mentioning the word... but he didn't rape her!! She wasn't physically forced into anything. She was in the middle of having a risky one night stand shag with a stranger and noticed he'd taken off the condom.... she threw him across the room and buggered off.

I think this needs to be put into perspective.

franch · 22/08/2005 14:47

Sorry havent read whole thread and dont normally get involved in anything contentious but am amazed by the number of judgemental she-was-asking-for-it type comments here. This is the 21st century and a grown woman should be able to have sex with whomever she chooses without pregnancy and disease being forced upon her. This was not part of the deal, and claiming that men think with their dicks only lets them off the hook from making responsible, moral and respectful decisions.

colditz: This may have come up already but has she at least taken the morning-after pill? I have every sympathy for her and hope she's OK. No idea on the legal front but she could at least get some advice - it would be good if this guy could be stopped from doing this to anyone else.