My friend slept with a man at the weekend who took his condom off... is this sexual assault?

[colditz]

She went out iwth a group of friends, and ended up in bed with this chap.

She never wants children, is a 25 year old career girl in fact, and she made it abundantly clear that he would have to use a condom, as she is not on the pill.

He really did not want to use the condom, but she managed to ensure that he did.

They had been having sex for about 5 minutes, when she realised the condom had gone missing. She kicked him off, and asked him where it was, and she found it on his side of the bed.

At this point, she got dressed and stormed out.

She says that she could tell by his reaction that it was not a mistake, he had been moaning all the way through about wearing the condom, and when they changed position (at his instigation) she thinks he took it off.

He has not spoken to her since, even though she was at his (shared) house the next day. He made himself very scarce.

Where does she stand on this legally? she is going to g to the GUM clinic this week, but she is sooooo angry, and I would be too.

yes, I told her to tell him she has a nasty

and to find his mum and tell her.

Would she be up to reporting him Colditzmum?

I don't know if it does come under sexual assault, but it sertainly should, in IMO!

If nothing else, it has got to be worth making a statement, he obviously doesn't have healthy views on sex and respect.....how worrying.

They might at least persue it to the point of speaking with him, which might make him think again before carrying out the same or similar, again.

Sorry, Colditz* ! Old habits die hard

I very much doubt it would be classed as sexual assault, but if he has an STD and knows he has it, it could be classed as illegal something else, i assume.
Dunno about illegal, really but certainly irresponsible, selfish and stupid (on his part I mean). If she doesn't fancy going to the police, she could always get a couple of mates to scare the crap out of him. He sounds scared already.
Arsehole.

BadgerBadger! Who are you? How do you know my awful secret name, which is so different to the one I use now!!

What a tosser. I like the idea of telling him she's pregnant and will be approaching the CSA. That should frighten the condom onto him.

how f**king evil is this?!

the mates to scare him sounds like a good idea. I would probably speak to a few of his mates as well.

That is truly abhorrent behaviour from this guy. He is a complete arse imo.

I am amazed however that your friend who is so adamant about not wanting kids, is having casual sex (I have no problem with this in itself I should add) but is taking no precautions against pregnancy herself?

A lot of you have raised good points about the lack of contraception on her part. I will have words with her about this later today.

Actually, a condom is good contraception. And I don't know how often she has sex, but I think insisting on condoms and using the MAP if one breaks is actually a perfectly responsible and reasonable approach.

Its NOT assault!

If a woman lies and tells a guys she is on the pill.... but isn't.... is that assault????

But if a woman is on the pill, he still puts himself at risk from stds if he doesn't use a condom.
Sex on the pill is not safe sex.

sex with a condom is safe sex until the condom is removed.

She consented to safe sex.

She did not consent to unsafe sax .

Getting pregnant buy a man is not assaulting him.

Infecting someone with hepatitus A is a bit different. That is assault, if you do it knowingly and without consent.

COlditz - Fair point, but from your posts she wanted him to wear a condom coz she has never wanted children! It was intended to be used as a contraception by the sound of things..... rather than protection from STD's. IYSWIM. I still don't think that can be classed as assault.

It was intended to be used as contraception as well, but she always uses condoms, she has never had unprotected sex since her boyfriend gave her chlamidia when she was 18 - long term boyfriend, what a knob.

She does seem to attract some real tossers.

A sexual assault is legally defined as intentionally touching another person in a sexual manner when that other person does not consent to being touched and the attacker does not reasonably believe that s/he consents.

So it may come down to the definition of a sexual manner. In this case, your friend consented to being touched in a particular sexual manner, i.e. with a condom. Her attacker attempted to touch her in a different sexual manner, to which she had not consented, i.e. without the condom. So, it would appear that she may well have a case to report him for sexual assault.

Of course, it's all a question of evidence, but, if that were the case, no one would ever be convicted of rape, where it is often a case of one person's word against another.

I don't think she will push for conviction anyway. She just wants everyone to know what he did to her

I would call it assault, even though I would never advise anyone to go to the police about it, unless, maybe they got a disease through it.
But he's a horrible, selfish, nasty bit of work, that's clear enough. Clearly colditz's friend wanted protection against diseases as well as she is going to a GUM clinic as well as taking the MAP.
I think she is justifiably angry. Yes, maybe she should be pickier about who she goes to bed with but let he who is without sin and all that.

Its not a nice thing for the guy to do. Its a bit sleazy too.... but not assault.

FWIW it doesn't sound like he took it off coz he wanted to infect her with something horrible.... my DH wouldn't use condoms when we first met as his 'performance' was...ahem..... severely affected by condoms. It was quite embarassing for him.

Ah, but just because you don't intend to give someone a sexually transmitted disease doens't mean you won't. She could have got pregnant, caught a disease - it's a horrible thing to do. And he knew it.

Well Aloha, FWIW From my DH's point of view... he wasn't think much beyond having sex and lasting longer than 2 minutes!

I just can't see this being taken seriously by police (unless like Aloha says, she caught something from him).

I cant see the police taking it seriously either, sounds bloody awful though

Not sure it is a crime in the legal sense, she was a willing partner until she discovered he had rid himself of the condom, whereupon she stopped proceedings - so can't even say she changed her mind but he carried on.

Morally however, it is just plain wrong. A friend of mine got pregnant this way. Some men are just awful. It is a disgusting thing to do to someone, not to mention risky.

I would be spitting feathers if it had happened to me. I just hope she takes this on board in future encounters and maybe uses the femidom or something? To ensure that she has the total control over the situation.

if she caught something then she might have a case!
but its her word against his!
Spread nasty rolours about him.
His dick was so amall he couldnt use a condom, it kept falling off!!

But toothache, using that argument it doesn't matter if you drive without your glasses because the arms are hurting your ears...if you don't do it on purpose to hurt someone, it's ok.

Removing a condom during sex is potentially fatal. Yes, it is unlikely you will give someone a disease. It is unlikely you will hit someone if you drive home without your glasses, but it is still stupid and dangerous, and potentially fatal.