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Original poster

Was I rude and disrespectful?

191 replies

MellowMelly · 15/03/2018 08:49

This is my first time doing this so please be patient with me:)
I live at home with my 15 year old daughter and my partner lives in his own place. I alternate my time between both of them every other evening. On the days/evenings that I’m not with him he will call me up to 5 times for a chat and he will text message me too.
He called me the other day for the third time in one morning and whilst I was on the phone to him my daughter needed some help so I asked him to hold on briefly and apologised while I helped her. She very rarely interrupts so I saw no problem in this as I speak to him so much each day anyway!
Well apparently this was not ok! When I saw him the other evening he went on a rant and said that when I did this I was rude and disrespectful to him and now he is saying that when I stay over at his, that she shouldn’t call me when I’m with him unless it’s a dire emergency as it’s ‘our time’ together and she interrupts this BUT it’s ok for him to call me when I’m spending time with her?
Was I rude and disrespectful?

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 15/03/2018 11:15

Exactly why you shouldn't wait until he kicks off OP

purplelass · 15/03/2018 11:16

You've made the decision to finish it as soon as you can, which is a great start.

Only you know how best to do this with least chance of things turning nasty, we (thankfully!) don't know the man Smile

happyvalley74 · 15/03/2018 11:20

Exactly.

In fact if he's "volatile" I'd do it by text and change the locks if he has a key.

Sarahjconnor · 15/03/2018 11:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GayAllen · 15/03/2018 11:23

I’m not troll hunting but posts like this make me wonder if they’re real because they’re so no-brainer-ish.

Of course you need to get rid op. He’s completely fucking

Nkhutch · 15/03/2018 11:27

@GayAllen it's a hard situation and would look like a no brainier to the outside person. I was with someone who hit me mentally abused me controlled me and cut me off from everyone I had and I knew it was wrong but It took so long to leave them and realise I wasn't at fault. I left with nothing more than mine and dds clothes that was it not a penny to my name. The fact that op has realised something's wrong is a major step

Wakeuptortoise · 15/03/2018 11:40

Stay safe op. Can you have a relative on standby in case he turns nasty? Or book a nice holiday away and then tell him? Sounds like he's been getting in your head.

Original poster
MellowMelly · 15/03/2018 11:50

My daughter is on standby and so is my dear friend. I know he will get nasty because that is what he does and I’m trying to mentally prepare myself for what’s coming. I’ve been reading up on emotional and mental abuse this morning and it’s becoming very clear that he is ticking a lot of the boxes.

OP posts:
KarmaStar · 15/03/2018 11:56

OP you need to take a very hard look at your priorities.
Your 15yr old daughter must feel like she is a nuisance.You leave her every other evening and when you are with her you spend all your time talking to him.that is really selfish and unkind.
You need to dump him and sit down with your dd,apologise and build a good mother daughter relationship before it's too late.

ShaversOnly · 15/03/2018 12:06

Well done for deciding to leave him now your eyes are opened you'll want to leave ASAP and you don't live with him so easy. Go and get anything of yours from his house and let everyone know. Well done for being a great mum.

EyepatchOfTravis · 15/03/2018 12:11

How and where are you planning to do the break up op? If you’re doing it face to face, would you consider doing it in a public place if he is volatile?

SparklyMagpie · 15/03/2018 12:13

Good news OP!

Just think of not constantly having to answer your phone or letting it spoil time with your friends,and a better relationship with your daughter and grandchild where he's not constantly interfering

I'd also change your number once it's done

WhatWouldOliviaPopeDo · 15/03/2018 12:22

How and where are you planning to do the break up op?

Given his love of it, I think on the phone would suffice on this occasion.

Original poster
MellowMelly · 15/03/2018 12:24

@KarmaStar that was a bit harsh. My daughter and I have a great relationship! I’m getting out of this relationship so it doesn’t destroy what we all ready have and she is totally in the loop with that. I’m not at all being selfish and unkind to her. I supported her decision to have a baby, I financially support her and her baby, I babysit for her so she can go out and ‘be 15 years old’ at least twice a week and I was single for 5 years after I had her because she is my priority. I’ve also been her main carer as she has Fibromyalgia. When she has a flare up it’s me that that is there for her as always.

OP posts:
shesalady · 15/03/2018 12:29

I agree that was harsh. Don't explain yourself op, you sound like an amazing mother. Smile

Original poster
MellowMelly · 15/03/2018 12:30

I’ve decided to do it over the phone during the day as he drinks every night and when he gets angry on the drink he is vile. I think this is the safer optionHmm

OP posts:
Dvg · 15/03/2018 12:32

I feel sorry for ur dd. He sounds crazy and im sure she feels a little pushed away. Its obvious he doesnt care for your daughter at all but tough. YOU HAVE A CHILD! If he cant include you both in his life then he should go meet someone who doesnt have a kid.

Itwasntme99 · 15/03/2018 12:33

And then block his phone number and don’t answer your door

fuzzyduck33 · 15/03/2018 12:36

Major red flags here... Run, for the sake of your daughter if not for yourself!!

WhatWouldOliviaPopeDo · 15/03/2018 12:37

Good luck, OP, and stay safe. Everyone's rooting for you on this one.

Sarahjconnor · 15/03/2018 14:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ohyesiam · 15/03/2018 14:28

Good call op. More power to you.

SparklyMagpie · 15/03/2018 16:20

Mellow good choice, I was going to suggest you do it in the day as if he was at home and had access to drink/already drinking it won't go down well more so

Good luck to you, you know it's the right decision and as a PP has said, we're all behind you!

Please do change your number though although it could possibly blow up from the amount I can imagine he'll call and text afterwards Hmm

You can do this :)

SingingSands · 15/03/2018 17:07

I don’t think Karma or DVG have read the full thread.

Good luck OP, you’ve reached the right decision.

SparklyMagpie · 16/03/2018 08:46

How you getting on OP?

How many phone calls so far?