Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
One-child families

Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.

Original poster

Was I rude and disrespectful?

191 replies

MellowMelly · 15/03/2018 08:49

This is my first time doing this so please be patient with me:)
I live at home with my 15 year old daughter and my partner lives in his own place. I alternate my time between both of them every other evening. On the days/evenings that I’m not with him he will call me up to 5 times for a chat and he will text message me too.
He called me the other day for the third time in one morning and whilst I was on the phone to him my daughter needed some help so I asked him to hold on briefly and apologised while I helped her. She very rarely interrupts so I saw no problem in this as I speak to him so much each day anyway!
Well apparently this was not ok! When I saw him the other evening he went on a rant and said that when I did this I was rude and disrespectful to him and now he is saying that when I stay over at his, that she shouldn’t call me when I’m with him unless it’s a dire emergency as it’s ‘our time’ together and she interrupts this BUT it’s ok for him to call me when I’m spending time with her?
Was I rude and disrespectful?

OP posts:
EllieMe · 15/03/2018 09:28

Why are you with this creature? Dump him.

Lunde · 15/03/2018 09:32

Do you really leave your 15 year old daughter alone on alternate nights? .... and your "D"p doesn't want her to contact you when she is home alone? I am pretty shocked if this your arrangement.

Your P does not sound nice at all - he's a needy, sulky, manchild. I would be putting my DD first and rethinking not continuing the relationship with someone who is trying to cut you off from your DD

Original poster
MellowMelly · 15/03/2018 09:36

Thankyou for your responses. In response to some of your queries...
I’ve been with him 3 years and this next part is difficult to explain so bear with me and is response to leaving my daughter every other night...
She fell pregnant rather unexpectedly with her boyfriend of two years. I told her to make her decision and that I would fully support her no matter what. Her boyfriend is here with her and the little one on the nights I’m with my partner. This is approved by Social services who got involved because of her age. I do this to allow them to have time bonding as a family unit. She’s never alone and it’s all been greatly discussed and she’s happy with this.

OP posts:
Itwasntme99 · 15/03/2018 09:43

So your post wasn’t about a controlling OH then??
Oh dear.

TwitterQueen1 · 15/03/2018 09:44

OP, you're obviously a great mum to support your DD, her partner and baby in this way. Flowers

All of that is irrelevant to the central issue here, which is, your partner is controlling and unreasonable. Please do not let him control how often and when you speak to your DD, nor to dominate your time and thoughts by constant calls. He doesn't get to say who you talk to, when, who else is around, or anything else.

RipleyAlien · 15/03/2018 09:44

Tell him to get to ....

Original poster
MellowMelly · 15/03/2018 09:44

But you are all right in what you’re saying. I do believe with some of his other behaviour he presents with that I need to escape him pretty rapidly and you have all confirmed what I’ve been starting to think recently!

OP posts:
Original poster
MellowMelly · 15/03/2018 09:47

It was about whether I was in the wrong and being ignorant I guess.

OP posts:
Nkhutch · 15/03/2018 09:49

No one would ever come before my daughter. Personally I'd be telling him that you are not the person for him it sounds like he needs someone without a child or better still someone by his side 24/7. He sounds a little obsessive to me. If you really don't want to split up with him give him the same rules! He can't phone you when your with your daughter unless it's a dire emergency. I kinda feel sorry for your daughter she seems pushed out

WhatWouldOliviaPopeDo · 15/03/2018 09:50

You sound like a lovely mum supporting your daughter and her partner, but it sounds like your partner is abusing your niceness. Aside from the fact he clearly never gives you a moment's peace when you're with your family, it's hypocritical of him to then say she can't contact you in the same way. Are you due to see him today? If so, I would try a little experiment: tell him you're staying at home tonight because your daughter and grandchild need your help and you might have to do it the next night you're meant to be at his as well. I expect his reaction will tell you everything you need to know.

purplelass · 15/03/2018 09:56

I have a 14yo DD and have been with my BF for just over 2 years, we don't live together.

Before we even met he knew my first priority is my daughter and has respected that from the start.

Your man sounds like he needs to be more realistic - you're a mum first and his GF second.

bastardkitty · 15/03/2018 10:00

I think your DD needs you at home and your bf is controlling.

TheJoyOfSox · 15/03/2018 10:05

He has just told you that he is more important than your child. That would be a dealbreaker for all normal mums. I know it would be for me. you and your daughter come as a package, if he can’t deal with that, he’s not worth your time.

janetheimpaler · 15/03/2018 10:07

Remember the old saying "we teach what we most need to learn", he's talking about himself. Such young parents, with a new born would legitimately need to ring you to ask parenting advice.

SparklyMagpie · 15/03/2018 10:10

Right,so you do realise he's a controlling bastard? Brilliant and now it's been confirmed

Do yourself a favour and do leave, don't even give it a seconds thought if you are disrespecting him - it doesn't matter

GrooovyLass · 15/03/2018 10:11

If she's 15 with a baby herself she needs you even more imo. He seemingly can't stand your attention being on anyone except him and that's worrying.

WhatWouldOliviaPopeDo · 15/03/2018 10:12

OP obviously can't come back to answer yet because he's on the phone again. Hmm

HouseworkIsASin10 · 15/03/2018 10:16

How have you lasted 3 years with this prick?

Has he only just started showing his true colours after all this time?

I'd have well kicked him to the kerb. Cheeky fucker. Nobody would be dictating to me when I could or couldn't speak to somebody, especially my own daughter.

SparklyMagpie · 15/03/2018 10:16

Yes, how many times has he phoned you this morning so far OP ?

TERFragetteCity · 15/03/2018 10:19

I do believe with some of his other behaviour he presents with that I need to escape him pretty rapidly

Luckily you do not live with him. And you can use him blowing up as your get out clause.

'Hi. Thank you for your feedback last week. As you obviously have double standards in terms of contact, and I have no intention of not supporting my daughter and grandchild, I think it is time to end this and let you go and find someone who is willing to be devoted to you 24/7. Thank you and goodbye.'

Original poster
MellowMelly · 15/03/2018 10:23

He has called me twice all ready!

OP posts:
purplelass · 15/03/2018 10:25

He has called me twice all ready!

Needy much? You really need to get out as soon as possible. Like others have said, him going off at you is the perfect reason to give him for ending it.
Not going to be easy but you absolutely know it's the right thing to do don't you?

Original poster
MellowMelly · 15/03/2018 10:30

Yes I’m going to get out of this relationship when he next kicks off which will probably be very soon knowing him! Confused

OP posts:
ineedwine99 · 15/03/2018 10:36

You were not rude at all, he's being a selfish twat

purplelass · 15/03/2018 10:36

Well good luck @MellowMelly - we're all here for you! Smile

Swipe left for the next trending thread