NEVER SEND YOUR CHILD TO NURSERY

[NicoleBailey]

hi.. mums, i am a full time mummy to a little girl of 16months.
personally.. having worked in different nurserys i would advise anyone NOT to ever ever send their child to a particular one~!
dont know if i can name names..
before i was pregnant i worked for a private nursery it was brillant from day 1 we had lots of training. and was taught to give a home from home enviroment and treat each child as if it was your own. after i had my little girl, i went to work for a well know chain of nurserys. and was disqusted!it seemed to be run by young girls who didnt have any children. and who had just left school.. the girls wouldnt go near any children that werent up to their hygine standards. exapmle.. a child fell over in playground and had grazed their hand. none of the girls wanted to go and compfort the child as it 'smelt' they were all saying 'no you go..' i was outraged. this little child was crying and no one would go to them.
i dont care what anyone says if a child fell over and smelt or not.. you dont ever not go to it. the girls had 'favopurites' if the child turnt up to nursery in a bmw and latest nike trainers then the girls loved them! nappy times.. the girls didnt warn the child or tell the child they were about to be changed they just grabbed the child and layed it on the floor on nappy mat. and wondered why the child is kicking and screming..they hadnt pre told the child 'in a min im going to do your nappy'! by the end of my 1st day i felt sick! i couldnt believe i had enrolled my daughter to such a place. never in a million years would any child of been treated like this at my previous place of work.
my one the day before i left my littlegirl was left crying for ages in a corner. and she doesnt smell! and wears the latest clothes/trainers!! i was working in toddler room down the corridor and could hear her crying..i asked if i could go and check on her and was told to wait until my break was due.. which was half hour away. 10 mins later we could still hear her crying.. so the room leader rang down to the baby unit and asked if i was my daughter we could hear. and 2 mins later a girl from the room came up to toddlers and said' yes shes a bit upset at the moment but dont come down because if she sees you it might upsaet her even more' i was angry and wanted to go to her. so kindley a girl swapped breaks with me and i ran down to baby room , where in the corner was my daughter sitting propped up with pillows. hyperventaliating. all the girls were the other side of the room chatting over the wall to other nursery workers, i picked her up and tried to settle her, but she couldnt breathe she was crying that much. the girls hadnt even noticed id come in the room, i rocked her to sleep and went straight to nursery managagers office to complain about everything id seen in the few days which id worked their.. and i asked to see the cctv of the baby room so i culd see just how long she had been crying and to see if any one had tryed to calm her down. we watched for bout 5 mins, where a girl picked her up tryed to rock her then put her back down. still screaming! the manager stopped the tape before it went on any further. my daughter was ill the next day with a viral infection.. dont know how or where she picked that up from (prob nursery) so i didnt go back into work for the rest of that week. then i sent a letter handing my notice in. remember babies cannot talk or tel you what happened to them. just because the nursery looks friendly and clean. be cautious.. if your child makes a huge fuss before going to nursery in hte morning its probley because they are not cared for correctly whilst their. advice to partents..
quit your job! why have children if you stick them in a nursery 7-am -7-pm get family members to help you. i reported this nursery to oftead and it was not the 1st compaint as staff ratios had been compalined about in the baby room. ofstead njst warned them. now they have re-opened in a new name!!

so advice.. NEVER SEND YOUR CHILD TO NURSERY and the fees you pay are a rip off!!

A SAD is priased for taking on a 'difficult role' (and why isn't it difficult when we do it?) and a working dad is priased for contributing to society and suporting his family and given status.

Good post Riven, that is so accurate.

And exactly why, as mothers, we should not be bashing each other's choices.

I totally agree with you Riven.

Sadly women's biggest critics are always other women.

Oh for god's sake!

The OP had a terrible experience which has clouded her judgement regarding nurseries. If any one of us had experienced what she has experienced we would be wary of nurseries even though the majority of them are meeting the childs needs.

Her OP was naive and misjudged and I can understand why people may been offended by some of her comments. However criticising her grammatical skills and making personal digs is quite pathetic really.

The majority of nurseries that I have encountered have been very good, I did visit one which I thought was a bit iffy and I wouldn't have been that keen on sending my child there. My niece attended a nursery which rung alarm bells for me, it was mainly staffed by young inexperienced girls and there were lots of concerns regarding the care my niece received whilst she was there.

My advice when choosing a nursery is to go on gut feeling and meet the manager. If the manager is running the nursery because they have a love of children rather than seeing £££ chances are they will have recruited like minded staff.

Obviously your brain is still very much intact, Riven, even after all those years of sahmotherhood

Great. Thanks for this. I've just left DD at nursery - she goes one day a week. I hate taking her, I hate walking away down the corridor and hearing her screaming for me. I know that 5 minutes after I've left the room she'll be munching on a piece of toast and pulling someone's hair while I'm still blubbing but I still hate it.

I'm lucky, MIL and my mother do the other two days but much as I love my job, I'd give it up in a heartbeat if I could afford to. So thanks. You've made my day.

Disclaimer: I only read the op and then replied. I know everyone hates people doing this! Now going back to read the rest...

It is very concerning that someone who worked in a nursery has such a dreadful report. Its the last thing I wanted to hear after leaving a 15 month old sat on the nursery floor this morning waving forlornly at me.

Maybe we should be thanking you for your honesty??!!!

Seriously, if you really want working mothers to take you seriously please don't be so alarmist. Declaring in capital letters that we shouldn't send a child to nursery is like a headline from 'The Sun' on a bad day.
Surely as a childcare professional (I assume?) you would rather give us all advice on how to check a nursery upholds decent, caring standards.

Make yourself useful and give us tips on how to spot that our kids are being well looked after

I have concerns about the number of young girls employed in childcare but everyone has to start their career somewhere.

My DS sings and dances at nursery and gives me a demo when we go home so I think I'll put to bed the rising panic you made me feel after reading your post. I'll get back to my enjoyable job now which I have no intention og giving up just yet

Good grief - not another one of these threads.

Sorry OP, I'm not even going to try to read it. I think it's the dramatic title in particular that is putting me off.

I have 3 kids, all now school aged, but have used nurseries when they were younger (not full time).

Of the three nurseries I used..

One was good (more expensive, consequently staff were paid more. morale was good. It was run by a mum I knew),

One was so-so, (caring manager, but young, inexperienced high staff turnover)

One was absolutely vile ('I can't handle him' one worker was overheard to say as she grabbed child by arm and pulled him off carpet). This was also the cheapest.

Needless to say I didn't use the last one for very long, but it was popular as it was well-located and cheap. I did feel like collaring the parents of the full time kids at pick-up and saying 'please think about the environment you are leaving your child in all day there.'

Would it have made a difference? God I don't know. I think not, because sending your child to Nursery if you have to/want to work is one big guilt trip anyway and we were all trying to convince ourselves everything was groovy.

Riven,
I agree. In any society someone needs to provide the food / money and someone needs to raise the children.
The problem with our society is that it thinks being a CEO / politician / etc is more important and beneficial to society than bringing up children properly.

I'm sure many mothers feel that they would do a better job than their childcare provider, and also there are many mothers who know their child is better off with the carer.

I think maternity leave should be extended to 18 months. Because 12 months is a totally arbitary amount of time for employers to choose, but actually separation anxiety for children is actually at its height between 12 - 18 months so this is not the ideal time to leave a child with a carer.
Also breastfeeding experts agree that extended breastfeeding is beneficial into the second year.

Eating together as a family is always pointed out as being important, so is communicating with your child etc, so why don't jobs finish at the same time as school?

I think the whole of british society needs an overhaul to start thinking about people rather than money.

For instance everyone knows that eating properly is important but many workers are expected to work through their lunch hour, and stay later than their contracted hours. I don't get it. Other european societies don't do this.

I'm rambling now, soz.

You can extended breast feed and go to work - I did.

agree with ForeverOptimistic
she was just giving her experience
she's apologised for the sensationalist thread title
if you know your nursery is a good one, that your dcs are happy there then you should feel secure in ignoring the OP

fwiw the nursery we used had a bad ofsted report and we were very concenred
but due to the findings they really pulled their socks up and improved tremendously
so poor findngs can turn into a good thing

frankbestfriend - I wish Jacquelinebouvier would return as well to substantiate her claims that kids who don't go to nursery have suppressed immunity.
I also find the term 'sponging' off husbands extremely offensive and belittling.

I agree that we must stop attacking each other for our choices. Too many people seem to get defensive and start behaving aggressively on here.

And could I also just point out that (until later when I'm not sure what happened) the OP hadn't actually directed any judgement/scorn/criticism towards anyone who's child went to nursery. Rather, she was trying to advise on possible scenarios within nurseries. Sensationalist, generalising and ill-advised - perhaps, but she really didn't warrant all of the abuse she received in return.

i think 'sponging off husband ' is just plain weird. What a strange view of partnership and family.

i suppose as for immunity she meant catching many dieseases from children and therefore developing immunity early on ,
should think that waiting for your child to be stronger and older before xatching diseases then they would build immunity better?

I must say, i didn't feel that the nursery was right for me after the settling sessions, and i decided to sell my house and move into cheap rented instead,and not return to work yet as that was my priority,

but i would like the op to come back and tell me what she thinks of older children eg 2 year olds at nursery settings and how they were treated. I know its purely subjective, but i am grateful to the op.

kalo12, I am liking your post, but in the first part you say "I'm sure many mothers feel that they would do a better job than their childcare provider, and also there are many mothers who know their child is better off with the carer."

But, honestly? - I think there are hardly ANY mothers who 'know' their child is better off with the carer. We just convince ourselves they are, because we have to/want to work.

Also, (am expanding point here, this isn't aimed at you Kalo!) there's no getting away from the fact that although a Nursery is caring for your most precious being, it is first and foremost a business too.

Let's face it. However crap a parent you may think you are, your child/baby is going to want to be with you more than anyone else. It's just biology. Once we accept that, we can stop trying to convince ourselves that our child has a 'better' time at Nursery.

Surely from the child's POV a good Nursery is not 'better' than being at home, just different.

I think with regards to the lower immunity claim children that tend to spend significant amounts of time with other children from a young age seem by the time they go to school to have a 'stronger immunity' they are not as succeptible to bugs and vuruses and indeed diseases like chickenpox etc because they had exposure to them already - whereas a child that hasnt been to nursey generally only has the 'family' germs- of course you could argue that these children do suffer to the same extent just that in the past they have still been shunted off to nursery (dependant on parents of course).

MERRYLEGS

Whilst I do agree that for most fmilies the dc being at home with a parent is better unfortunately for most people this is the sacrifice they have to mke but rest assured that leaving your child with a qualified experienced 'good' nursery nurse will be very advantageous for your child too we ae qualified to high degree we know what spects of development and ability to encourage we study a childs physical,intellectual,language,emmotional and social development a 'good' nursery nurse is to all intents and purposes a 'professional' mother in your absence.

Ive worked for a highly professional family as the mum was just to exhausted with other commitments to be a mum and they knew me and recognised that their baby through their time of crisis was better cared for by myself.

Generally a child is at nursery for about 6-8 hours a day take away meal times and playing out ,nap times etc they really arent 'mothered' by someone else for any huge part of the day.

IMO a baby/child in a good nursery is as well cared for as a child at home.

my spelling is rubbish!!! my fingers are dodgy and my keyboard is suffering from ds3 plying funny games on it.....im not sub intelligent I promise

Thank you, nickschick, for your refreshing professional and considered perspective as a qualified nursery nurse.

Makes a nice change from the disgruntled ranty ex-nursery workers.

As a parent who uses ft nursery for my dcs which I consider very good, I agree with what you said.

I don't compare what my dcs experience at nursery to what they might experience with me at home if I did not work. To me, it is irrelevant because my dcs expect a different things from nursery (stimulation, social) to what they want from me and dh at home (cuddles and personal attention). Nursery simply adds to the tapestry of their life - it does not seek to replicate home life.

Nursery is different. They seem to enjoy it, have their carers and friends. And then they come home to me and dh.

merrylegs, thanks for your support, but I think sometimes a nursery environment can be better for your dc.
for instance I suffered pnd and as my ds got older I found it increasing difficult to keep him stimulated and entertained.

But yes I think dcs are better with a parent and I think the world of work should acknowledge this by letting people work half days etc.

I feel sad that putting your child in nursery is the sacrifice you have to make, I'm not having a go at people who do, I just think that perhaps society could rethink its priorities

merrylegs but i truely believe DS is better off because i go to work. I love DS tremendously and love spending time with him, but i'm not just his mum, I'm also a well educated woman who has worked hard to get where i am in my career. i enjoy not talking endlessly about babies/toddlers/children and having conversations where my opinion is respected and valued. I'm a better mum because i work. I'm lucky i only work 3 days a week and DS is part at nursery and part looked after by my mum. DS does things at nursery and has experiences that he wouldn't and doesn't have at home (such as full body painting!) I'd go potty being at home fulltime and i wouldn't have the money to do some of the fun things that DS and i go together when i'm not at work.

riven very true

Just coming back quickly to this - just to clarify - I have used nurseries - DS 1 was 3 months old when I put him into one part time.

3 months! What was I thinking? ...

...That I wanted to work because I had a fab job and that I needed time away from him because I had to be my own person and not 'just' a mum.

He was at nursery till he was 3 (obviously he came home in between times )

And now he is a fab and clever and lovely and well-adjusted teenager. And he hasn't held it against me!

But my original point was, from your baby's point of view, no matter how much finger painting or baking or messy play they do, they would still rather be with mum.

Do you really honestly not think so?

What's wrong with accepting that and then just working round it? What's wrong with 'fessing up - I know my baby would rather be with me, but I have to work, so I'll choose the best nursery I can and hope he has a lovely time there...

From your LO's point of view, nurseries are not better than being at home. Just different.

Everyone brings their own experience to the debate - and, FWIW, that's mine!

NicoleBailey

Don't lose sleep after generating 8 pages - I started reading the first few comments and couldn't believe the abuse - Administrator maybe you should step in to the amount of foul language used on the thread instead of opinions?

For feck sake! not all nurseries are like this, why do people insist on tarring them all with the same brush.

Some nurseries are lovely, some are less than pleasant, but if people don't report them, they'll keep on running!

Yes it depends on the staff working there, and it depends on staff morale.

Young babies receive a lot of love in nurseries I don't understand why people think its bad to put little babies in nurseries.