NEVER SEND YOUR CHILD TO NURSERY

[NicoleBailey]

hi.. mums, i am a full time mummy to a little girl of 16months.
personally.. having worked in different nurserys i would advise anyone NOT to ever ever send their child to a particular one~!
dont know if i can name names..
before i was pregnant i worked for a private nursery it was brillant from day 1 we had lots of training. and was taught to give a home from home enviroment and treat each child as if it was your own. after i had my little girl, i went to work for a well know chain of nurserys. and was disqusted!it seemed to be run by young girls who didnt have any children. and who had just left school.. the girls wouldnt go near any children that werent up to their hygine standards. exapmle.. a child fell over in playground and had grazed their hand. none of the girls wanted to go and compfort the child as it 'smelt' they were all saying 'no you go..' i was outraged. this little child was crying and no one would go to them.
i dont care what anyone says if a child fell over and smelt or not.. you dont ever not go to it. the girls had 'favopurites' if the child turnt up to nursery in a bmw and latest nike trainers then the girls loved them! nappy times.. the girls didnt warn the child or tell the child they were about to be changed they just grabbed the child and layed it on the floor on nappy mat. and wondered why the child is kicking and screming..they hadnt pre told the child 'in a min im going to do your nappy'! by the end of my 1st day i felt sick! i couldnt believe i had enrolled my daughter to such a place. never in a million years would any child of been treated like this at my previous place of work.
my one the day before i left my littlegirl was left crying for ages in a corner. and she doesnt smell! and wears the latest clothes/trainers!! i was working in toddler room down the corridor and could hear her crying..i asked if i could go and check on her and was told to wait until my break was due.. which was half hour away. 10 mins later we could still hear her crying.. so the room leader rang down to the baby unit and asked if i was my daughter we could hear. and 2 mins later a girl from the room came up to toddlers and said' yes shes a bit upset at the moment but dont come down because if she sees you it might upsaet her even more' i was angry and wanted to go to her. so kindley a girl swapped breaks with me and i ran down to baby room , where in the corner was my daughter sitting propped up with pillows. hyperventaliating. all the girls were the other side of the room chatting over the wall to other nursery workers, i picked her up and tried to settle her, but she couldnt breathe she was crying that much. the girls hadnt even noticed id come in the room, i rocked her to sleep and went straight to nursery managagers office to complain about everything id seen in the few days which id worked their.. and i asked to see the cctv of the baby room so i culd see just how long she had been crying and to see if any one had tryed to calm her down. we watched for bout 5 mins, where a girl picked her up tryed to rock her then put her back down. still screaming! the manager stopped the tape before it went on any further. my daughter was ill the next day with a viral infection.. dont know how or where she picked that up from (prob nursery) so i didnt go back into work for the rest of that week. then i sent a letter handing my notice in. remember babies cannot talk or tel you what happened to them. just because the nursery looks friendly and clean. be cautious.. if your child makes a huge fuss before going to nursery in hte morning its probley because they are not cared for correctly whilst their. advice to partents..
quit your job! why have children if you stick them in a nursery 7-am -7-pm get family members to help you. i reported this nursery to oftead and it was not the 1st compaint as staff ratios had been compalined about in the baby room. ofstead njst warned them. now they have re-opened in a new name!!

so advice.. NEVER SEND YOUR CHILD TO NURSERY and the fees you pay are a rip off!!

Quite Twinklemegan, I'm with you. People would probably slate me for being a sahm and sending my DD to nursery. If only they could see her when she's pleading with me to go on her days off! Makes me feel great, bless her!

i have to say I'm appalled by the posts mocking the op for being illiterate etc. how bitchy and small minded. I'm often shocked and surprised by the vitriol on here, i just don't expect adults who aren't participating in jeremy kyle to behave like htis.

MN has a dark side and i think it's used as a forum by some to vent their more unsavoury side, luckily there's a good side to it too.

FWIW I love my daughters nursery, it's fab, she'd be there for a couple of days even if I was a SAHM. All the other local parents who use it agree too, we've all had positive experiences. She comes home singing her little songs she's learnt and telling me all about her day and the other children and she's never made a fuss being dropped off. I did a placement in a nursery in an area of high social "inner city" deprivation when I was a student nurse and that despite the problems they faced (parental drug/alcohol misuse, constantly on the phone to social services etc.) was great too.

Kalo, I work in CAMHS with disaffected, troubled self-harming young women too and the most popular career option is childcare! I think sadly a lot of them are seeking out a meaningful attachment very lacking in their own lives.

LOL - DS is the same. DH is doing up the house which is the main reason why DS is in nursery - plus it is really really good for him. He has loads of friends that he talks about all the time. Bless him, the other night at bedtime he gathered up all his toy cars in his arms and announced he was ready to go to nursery!

FWIW, I disagree entirely with others who have said that nursery teaches no skills that can't be learned at home. I feel that DS is getting a really gentle introduction to the social skills he'll need when he starts school, and I take comfort that it will be much less traumatic as a result. Learning to take turns, learning to sit quietly and listen to a story, learning to deal with rougher older children, learning to make friends, and learning to cope without mummy and daddy. The list goes on and on.

When there is no family close by it is so so important that the SAHP can have a break to retain their sanity, and it's also important for the child to learn to be apart from his parents. The result in our case is a very happy, friendly and well-adjusted little boy. And it makes me glow inside to see him with his girlfriends and hear him described by the nursery staff as "adorable".

I was going to say im amazed by how rude some of the people on this thread have been to an OP who was obviously upset by the treatment of her child...but WHY am I really, its pretty much par for the course on here isnt it these days.

It always seems strange to me how the posters with the best grammar are also the ones who have missed the lessons regarding being polite....is it big and clever to point out someones grammer is not perfect...errrm not where I come from its not!

I have a friend who worked as a Nanny and also in a nursery, she eventually quit the nursery because the children were left to cry and also left for prolonged periods in soiled nappies. Would any parent send their child to a nursery where this happens...well they obviously either dont care or more likely are unaware!

As for the comments regarding SAHMs "sponging off their husbands" I really cant be bothered to go there.

Picking up on something that I think Edam said some while back, it would be good if NicoleBailey and any other nursery workers could give some tips on how to spot good nursery care - tips from those with inside knowledge would be really helpful.

FWIW, my sons used to love their time at pre-school nursery and run in eagerly, leaving me without a moment's hesitation. But if you took that too literally, perhaps I was providing worse care than the nursery....

You lot are like a pack of vultures sometimes

Nicole - it wasnt the one in Enfield/Winchmore Hill was it? I had similar problems there.

I liked "murderous crows" actually

It always makes me laugh when people on here say "we've had this conversation"...some of us have a non-mumsnet parallel real life and dont know the conversation has been had

Nicole I am a full time mummy to my son too. I also work 4 days a week. Doesnt make me any less of a mummy.

Why post such rot? You made your complaint to ofsted. You haven't named the nursery. Not all nurseries are bad.

Does your partner work? Lets hope he doesnt lose his job cos you may then find yourself having to be less of a "full time mummy"

If there is one thing I can't stick is Smug SAHM who seem to think they are better than people who work. You arent.

Only read half the thread but wanted to say 2 things:

1 First - with my lawyer hat on - Please do be careful of libel here - if nicolebailey has named and shamed the actual branch of Leapfrog then libel /slander can come into play here and MN, as website owner has liability for statments made here.

WE all still remember the Gina Ford story and I think that tuaght us all a valuable lesson to be a tad more careful so i think that should be remembered here. Partcularly as NicoleBailey also appears to ahve used her real name here.

2 I have some sympathy with OP and think she's getting a rough ride here. Whilst there are undoubtedly some very good nurseries , 12 years ago when i was making childcare decisions I saw some scarily bad ones ( kids left to cry/nursery assistants chatting to eachtoher rather than attending to kids/poor hygeine) on my decision making rounds and that was with me - an outsider - on the premises. So i wouldn't rush to dismiss this as scaremongering etc.

OP has obviously had a distressing experience - to see your first born proppoed up and sinking into cushions hyperventliating from crying so much whlst the nursery assistants chat would be too much for most people to take and that is progbalby the reason for " don't ahve kids/use parents for childcare" etc for comments.

give her a little break people...

lisalisa - what if you have documents to back up statements made on here?

Over the last 10 year we had a terrible experience at a chain nursery (carefully chosen) then great & very kind & caring experiences at 2 owner run nurseries and also at 2 childminders.

I should probably have acted on our concerns at the bad nursery earlier, but I wasn't sure whether I was being unrealistic (first child/first nursery experience) until it got so bad it was obvious he had to be taken straight out. Having moved my son and had other children since I should have trusted my gut instinct earlier.

It's a powerful one, gut instinct.

tigermoth - I think tips for spotting good nurseries is a great idea, and maybe worthy of a new thread? I'll be back tomorrow to add my opinions (as a nursery worker).

i too sent my child to a big chain of nurseries when i went back to work, it was a last resort after trying to split childcare between first myself and husband, he worked days and went in the evening, this became more and more difficult due to the hours my husband was working, then we tried the in laws, this was a definate no as they were letting her get away with much more than i would and giving in for a quiet life to watch tv in the mornings.

then i tried nursery but she always cried when i dropped her off, even after 9 months of going, she was given the wrong food on numerous occasions even after filling the diet sheet in numerous occasions, she became aggressive, the staff were constantly changing, i used to collect her and her nappy would be full, i wasn't happy paying out the amount of money we were so i decided after a lot of thought to be a sahm, but not everybody is able to make that choice. For me and my husband we know it was the right decision for us.

hope this doesn't offend anyone.

Sycamoretree, just came back on this thread to check out what direction it ended up taking. Re-read your post about the troll comment my mistake! Sorry, see exactly what you are saying now and agree 100%

Would be great to have something positive come out of all of this. I really like the "how to spot a great nursery" thread idea.

Nicole (if you are still reading this): whether you persevere with this site or not is your choice, however I hope you can read through all the posts and notice that there are loads and loads of people here who are offering you a little bit of sympathy, understanding and fairness - even when we don?t agree with your initial post! I know you lashed out a bit and understand why you would be upset enough to call names, but that was yesterday Today is a new day. (oh, a little word of advice from someone who has been here since the early days: bf, fruit shoots, leaving kids in cars while getting petrol, eating in supermarkets and working v SAHMs are all topics needing careful handling anywhere, not just this website )

Riven, it doesn't appear to be possible to discuss the quality of childcare without the discussion descending into a SAHM v WOHM bashing thread because of the kind of comments the OP makes, saying that women should quit their jobs and get off their fat lazy arses and go and pick up their children.

I think SAHM bashing is completely wrong too.

And the suggestion that sahms have sacrificed the use of their brain was fairly offensive too.

Nobody on the thread, aside from the op, has insinuated that wohm are sacrificing their children's happiness for work/money.

As I said before, if you are confident that the choices you have made are the right ones, why wold you feel it neccesary to belittle others.

Whether you are at home caring for a disabled child like Riven, or have only school age children, as a sahm you are mainly responsible for the care of your children and house. Why does society no longer consider this to be enough?

"Why does society no longer consider this to be enough?"

It does. In fact I sense a turning tide of opinion - a bit of an anti-feminist backlash going on. It now seems that staying at home with their children is exactly what people think women should be doing, and if they aren't, they must be dropping a catch somewhere along the line.

georgimama, the op was clearly deranged misguided in her opening rant, this however is not an excuse to post offensive comments about sahms.
I haven't read any posts agreeing with the op, but there are a fair few containing snide comments about women who choose not to woh.

A debate about nursery care should not become a war between sahm/wohm, sadly it seems inevitable on these types of threads.

Well if mn represents a cross section of societies mothers, I can see very little backlash.

The posts from nutters claiming that working mothers are damaging their children seem, thankfully, to be few and far between.
When it does happen though, there seems to be a rash of posts hitting out at sahms.

JacquelineBouvier has not returned to the thread, I wish she would as I am interested to hear her reasoning.
But perhaps that's a whole other thread.

It's inevitable that such discussions become a WOHM issue because nurseries only exist because mothers work. Some SAHMs make very inappropriate comments to WOHMs. Some WOHM retaliate. The more moderate posters get sucked in and upset, on both sides. It is all unfortunate.

The issue about being confident in your choices is a good point. But is anyone completely confident in their choices/situation? I'm not. I'm trying to do my best, everyone is, but am I completely confident that my son wouldn't be better off if I did stay at home with him? No, I'm not.

I'm not sure why a debate about the quality of nursery care degenerates into a SAHM vs. WOHM slanging match on MN.

I have recently been talking to a school gate Mummy friend about this very issue - her second son, who is a year old, has been in nursery for a few months and has been really very ill this winter; he is now so run down that the doctor has told the family to take the little boy out of nursery for good and to look for alternative care in a couple of months, when he has had time to recover his strength. The mother has(reluctantly, because it is inconvenient for her) come to the conclusion that the care her son was receiving in nursery was damaging for him (it may have been satisfactory for other, stronger, children). That doesn't make her feel guilty for working - it just makes her realise that her son needs alternative childcare.