Daycare say that my toddler is hard work??

[Mamalunn95]

My partner has just dropped our 19 month old daughter off at daycare which she has now attended for 11 months part time (two half days per week currently). One of the workers in the room has said to him: “I hope C is in a better mood today, she was really hard work yesterday.” Apparently she said it in a quite lighthearted way but to me this isn’t something a nursery worker should say to a parent. I find it quite hard leaving her as it is without the added anxiety that the nursery workers think she is difficult and that I am unable to control her behaviour...

When I collected her yesterday they said that she had been pushing other children and trying to take toys which she wants off them. My understanding as CACHE Level 3 Early Years Educator is that this developmentally appropriate. Although I have only seen her behave this way with her cousins when they are really in her space or snatching from her, she will push them or lash out and we respond to this without negative discipline such as time out. For example, if she becomes overwhelmed and lashes out then we will ask if she remembers how to be gentle and then show her how to be gentle again by stroking her face or our face with her hand and she responds well to this. We also are aware of potential triggers for her which make her behave in an unacceptable way. I think this is what nursery workers should be focusing on rather than telling us she is difficult. If she was a child in my class I would complete repeated observations from when she is behaving unacceptably to identify potential triggers as we know that babies do not have the intention to upset others.

Am I being unreasonable to be offended by this? Or think that it was inappropriate for the worker to make a comment like this?

I’m going to ask to see their discipline policy as I think they use timeouts for the two year old room, which is something my partner and I don’t agree with.

What’s your opinion?

[WeakAsIAm]

Hey OP, deep breath it's ok not to agree with everyone and it's ok if everyone doesn't agree with you.
That's what makes the world so different. You have opinions and can articulate yourself very well and it's ok to hold those opinions.
This is a tough place if you let threads like this get under your skin.
Remember these are just people at the other end of the internet, they are not significant members of your life, if you don't like what they have to say; meh.
Don't sweat the unimportant stuff.

[Namechangeforthiscancershit]

Folk disagreeing with the OP does not equal bullying, and it really, really doesn't help people who actually are bullied in life to have people misusing the word like that

This. Bullying is horrendous and it is much harder to deal with if people claim that anytime someone disagrees with someone else it’s bullying.

[multiplemum3]

This is ridiculous, if a bunch of random people on the internet can affect your mental health so much then maybe the internet isn't the place for you

[OliviaStabler]

Hopefully the OP will calm down after her flounce and reflect on the advice given and take some of it on board.

[PersianCatLady]

If disagreeing with someone is bullying them then we are all getting bullied every single day.

[jannier]

I think your over reacting to a throw away comment yesterday your daughter obviously needed a lot of intervention compared to normal for whatever reason. It could have been phrased differently but you do need to know.
Working in a small children's centre with children and parents coming in for an hour or two is very different to a nursery where parents are not standing over their children defending them or leaping in to intervene sometimes you do have to see to the upset/hurt child and explain to the other that they were not king/gentle hands needed etc but its still hard work if the same child is doing it through a session repeatedly. Have they told you they use time out or negative methods for under 2's? If a child is repeatedly doing the same thing in one area I don't see an issue with removing them or altering strategies as today just saying be careful is not enough.
Why is your child so tiered needing a morning nap at 19 months this is quiet unusual most transition to an after lunch nap by this age? Is she in a good sleep routine that will support her through the morning could you look at this?
Do you need more support on your own gentle parent technique some do even after training?

[adviceonthepox]

Take a step back and think how you would have told a parent in your setting about their child. You are taking offence because it is your child. I would bet you have said similar in the past to other parents about their child!
Do you think that as a parent you feel upset because it was your child they are talking about. It's hard to hear when your child isn't behaving, think about your experience with parents and is it the ones who are shocked and want to work to a way to minimise that behaviour whose children are nicer or the ones whose parents who act like you are making it up and it couldn't possibly be their child who did xyz.
IME all parents who deny the behaviour never address their children's bad behaviour effectively.
The ones who want help to help their child usually have better behaved kids.

[HSMMaCM]

She was tired and was hard work and her key worker didn't take the time to word it tactfully. It doesn't sound like she was labelling your child though.

Have a chat with them about how they enforce a time out, because it may well be a time in, as got mentioned above.

Don't get too cross with them until you've had a chance to talk to them and listen to their feedback. If it turns out that it's not the right setting for you, then move her