Nursery demanding 3 year old walk into nursery as opposed to being held...

[BelleBoyd]

My DS likes to be held when he goes into nursery. Otherwise he's really independent -not clingy at all. It's just when we get to the nursery door he wants me to hold him and then I give him a hug and kiss and usually is fine..sometimes not and cries and then his keyworker has to take him from me.
It really annoys me though that they are now demanding he walks in.
This morning the nursery manager told me to put him down and for me to walk in while she held him back crying and then he ran to me inside still crying. What's the point? He's 3.
I only hold him for a couple of minutes.

Yes I will try and say something like that to them. They have said he's a big boy now and should walk in as an explanation. They've also said they've spoken to him about it...
Just seems like another pointless rule of theirs to me.

Is the issue that you are expecting the staff to lift him away from you while he is crying and clinging on? If he is big for his age - are the staff in danger of a back injury?

What would happen if you put him on the ground when you get in to say your goodbyes and hold his keyworker's hand?

Carrying a 3 year old is your prerogative, expecting the nursery staff to lift the child is another issue all together.

sometimes not and cries and then his keyworker has to take him from me.

I'm obviously only guessing here, but might this sentence ^ hold a clue?

When things go well, your preferred routine works well. When it doesn't ...

They may prefer to encourage your child to be more independent and think that coming in under his own steam may get more consistent results. Imaging if the keyworker had to do with his for each and every child. They are very probably keen to avoid that situation.

3 year olds have legs
There is no reason to carry him in
It's very unreasonable to expect the staff to lift your child

Why is this under 'Discussions of the Day' already?

I'd let them know you're happy to put him down and the key worker doesn't need to lift him but you'll be carrying him in. The end. Don't be bullied. They are only tiny for a short while.

I don't see why they need to enforce this as a sudden change if he goes in nicely most of the time after being held. I certainly wouldn't be happy with them holding him back crying. It's not as if you're going to be carrying him up the drive to High School in ten years' time! Our nursery keyworker was 'worried' about my DS having to have what he called his little 'Hug hug kiss kiss' routine at the door when he was dropped off, but it tailed off naturally on its own as he got older. It makes far more sense to me to phase these things out gradually and use positive distraction, rather than making a big deal of them and causing the child distress.

I'm guessing they've realised this makes the transition for him easier. I'm sure it's not "another pointless rule".

One thing I remember from my time in nurseries (that I try and remember as a parent) is that it was the parents who wailed and cuddled and wouldn't let go that made the kids difficult and cry hysterically. I used to say if you just leave the child I will ring you in a minute so you can hear them (and how calm they are)

He will be in school in a year's time (or so) At what point are you going to stop carrying him?

Maybe you carrying your son in makes all the others want their mums to come rushing back and carry them around for a while too.

I'm happy to get down to a child's level, cuddle them and hold their hand but I would injure myself carrying 3 year olds every day.

How long has he been going to nursery? Long enough for him to be settled in or is he just new?

I had similar. My little one like to be carried in. Nursery asked for him to walk in. I did a bit of both, encouraged him to walk, carried him if he didn't want to.

It makes no difference. He is very happy and settled at year 2 now and always has been.

You're paying them, in effect they're your employees and if you want to carry him in that's your choice and they have no right to tell either of you he has to walk! As long as you put him down to hand him over and he doesn't expect the key worker to carry him it's not their place to dictate what you do with your child

Is he 3, nearly 4 and going to school in September?

Lunde A back injury? They're Nursery Workers!! They have to be able to lift a child of needs be, i.e: dangerous situations etc.

My 3yo DD is very independent but some days she is in a being carried mood and the nursery workers will lift her from me no problem. They often carry children as needed, I've never even thought it would be an issue.

Justdontgetitatall
How ignorant

Some nursery workers may have existing back injuries or be pregnant or may just wish to avoid causing a back injury when there is no bloody need to lift a child

Tessa, it's their responsibility to ensure that the child's development is at the appropriate level. He will soon be at school. When I worked in a primary school it drove us mad that some parents would baby their child to the extent that they would come into the class with them, sort out their book bags, coats, lunch boxes, drinks, etc. to the extent that the child was completely incapable of sorting out their own PE kit, etc., and would not be able to pass on letters, information, etc. They have to grow up and a 3-year-old is quite capable of walking into a caring setting. Is this about him or OP? The employees are not her servants regardless of whether she pays them.

Tessabelle
They are not the ops employees
How rude
The op is choosing to send her son there and has agreed to follow their rules
She has the option of not sending him and not following their policies
But she can't tell them how to run the nursery

I agree with Msjudgemental. Sometimes as parents we cannot see what is best and it needs outside intervention. He needs to walk in. You cannot carry him into school on day one.

..sometimes not and cries and then his keyworker has to take him from me

Do you mean take him from you while you are holding him, so she is effectively carrying him as well?

Or do you put him down to hand him over?

I can see why the first option might cause difficulty for them.

Are they trying to promote more independence with him? They are expecting more of him so he expects lore of himself? Perhaps they are just doing this in a well intentioned but clumsy fashion? They are encouraging him to walk in so he knows he can do it and so gains in confidence would be my take on it.
I would always say to my twins things like "shall I help you or will you do it yourself?". By appealing to their sense of personal pride they (99% of the time) did it themselves.

They have to be able to lift a child of needs be, i.e: dangerous situations etc

But being reasonable, because you are capable of doing something in a dangerous situation doesn't mean that it's ideal to be doing it 10 times or more a day every day when it's completely unnecessary and could easily be remedied.