Some PPs are attaching a huge amount of weight to the chronological age of 3 yrs!
Was unaware 3 is apparently the official cut-off point from 'allowing' a child a quick carry when in resonse to (I don't mean when consistently being the cause of ) occasional distress at drop-off?
"Developmentally appropriate" re emotions is (or should be?) about what's developmentally appropriate for each individual pre-schooler, isn't it?
Not a blanket decree that child X (a late March-born), is now at the magic 3 yrs and should jolly well be discouraged from seeking parental reassurance in his preferred way...he's being "babied" and should conform to what classmates Y & Z, (both early September-born, and having had an extra 6 months of practice) are perfectly happy doing.
Desired goal of both nursery and parents:
a well-adjusted kid, who's secure in his relationships within the nursery setting, confident of his own abilities, and eager to try new things/ extend his range.
Just can't see how kids taking their leave from parents in whatever way most comfortable to them significantly affects that outcome being reached???
From the POV of nursery staff, dealing with the hectic drop-off period, it's totally understandable they want the quickest, most positive start to sessions...
I get the thinking behind reinforcing the idea of inside the classroom we learn to do things without our DPs, so that's why they say goodbye at the door and don't need to come in with us.
And, yes, prolonged goodbyes can definitely be counterproductive. Resettling and comforting classmates agitated by distressed child being peeled from parent must be far from nice.
Nobody, least of all the poor child himself, is going to be in a receptive state very quickly after that.
I just think a rule provoking that unnecessary drama over who cuddles where or walks over which threshold to begin with is only ever going to impede independence, if rushed at the wrong pace.