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Original poster

Carers kissing children??

203 replies

Magic69 · 20/05/2013 19:29

Hi there I wanted to ask mummies how they feel about childrens key workers kissing the children.

My son's key worker met him at the annual summer fete and she picked him up lovingly and for a good 5 mintues slobbered on him, kissing him endlessly on both cheeks.

I was shocked......i didnt say anything at the time (kicking myself) but i am thinking of writing an official complaint to the nursery manager.

I felt it was inappropriate, not to mention cold sores. I personally would never kiss another child, and if i were to i couldnt slober on them incessently...surly a peck would have sufficed?

does anyone see where i am coming from?

OP posts:
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sunnyshine · 20/05/2013 22:43

I'm always kissing my mindees and blowing raspberries on tummies and tickling and squeezing Smile I love it when people snuggle my own kids, teachers, friends, keyworkers.

doublecakeplease · 20/05/2013 22:48

Op - you could lose this girl her job. Really - the letter could be badly worded, Chinese whispers between staff etc... Please don't complain officially unless you truly believe she was abusive of her position.

If you truly feel she was inappropriate then speak to her yourself quietly.

Think forward too - do you really want your child to feel singled out at nursery because he's the one none of the staff want to cuddle / kiss / comfort when he needs it?? Do you really want the nursery to be writing 'non kiss / cuddle' policies which will change the whole ethos of their care?

zeeboo · 20/05/2013 22:52

This is awful. It's like feeling compelled to look at a crash site. We are literally watching the stage being set for some poor nursery workers career and maybe life to be turned upside down by the OPs vindictive lunacy. Nowadays complaints have to he taken seriously, even if they are complete bollocks and this could have huge impact on the whole nursery and all the staff, parents and poor children.
OP, people with attitudes like yours really, really anger me and make me wish that I didn't have to share a country with you.

MissBlennerhassett · 20/05/2013 22:52

Grin Tiggy

toomuch2young · 20/05/2013 22:53

What a disturbing and sad OP Sad

Wouldn't be worrying overly about the key workers career though as I'm prepared to bet is all a big wind up. I mean one min it's his key worker, next OP says not his key worker and only met a couple of times...

MissBlennerhassett · 20/05/2013 22:58

OP your insinuations are really offensive. Bloody hell. Talk of paedophilia because a woman (perhaps keyworker/perhaps not) kissed your son. You have a distorted view of the world.

willowstar · 20/05/2013 23:01

My little boy spends his two days a week at the child minders attached to the male worker there...I am delighted he settles so well with him and love that he is so affectionate with him. My little girl goes there also and gets a kiss goodbye from the woman when she leaves. I'd be sad if it were any other way...I pay them to make my children feel happy and secure and that means showing them affection in my book.

TiggyD · 20/05/2013 23:03

Not a wind up TooMuch. It's standard practice that if you post on a thread and nobody agrees with you, you add more 'facts' in an attempt to get people agreeing. The OP is up to the advanced level where you change things that you have already said and hope nobody notices. You have to be quite special to try it.

fieldfare · 20/05/2013 23:05

Seriously. You sound unhinged. You are probably going to cause this poor woman emotional distress and undergo questioning at work over her behaviour. It could cost her her career.

I cm. I kiss, cuddle, snuggle them to sleep, blow raspberries on their tummies, tickle them, laugh with them, basically behave with them as if they were a member of my extended family. Exactly as I would with any of my nieces. Some of my mindee's are with me for 11-12 hours a day at under a year old. Can you imagine the emotional harm they would endure if for 12 hours a day I only saw to their basic, essential needs and nothing else. Luckily all of my parents have common sense and are comfortable in their own parenting capacity. They see the fondness I have for their children and are happy with it!

Please examine your true reasoning for wanting to write that letter.

cansu · 20/05/2013 23:06

I think this maybe sounds like you are being a bit precious and maybe jealous in some small way?? My dd loves her 1:1 at school and often gives her a hug. I am happy that someone who really cares about her is there for her when I am not there.

FuckThisShit · 20/05/2013 23:10

So one minute the key worker and the next minute it's not. Make your mind up.

Interesting. If it's true, which I doubt, it would be a massive overreaction to make a formal complaint.

LittleRedDinosaur · 20/05/2013 23:18

Let me get this right. You're worried about this woman kissing your child because she might be a sexual predator or because she might have a cold sore?

Are you going to accuse her of being a paedophile in the nasty letter you are going to write?

Your argument makes no sense and I feel very sorry for the poor woman who clearly cares for your child.

Snazzywaitingforsummer · 21/05/2013 00:14

If you really feel you will 'do what you can to protect your children', then you should withdraw them from childcare immediately and look after them yourself. How can you say you are 'doing everything you can' by your own logic, when you leave them in the care of people who may be paedophiles? Hmm

Also, why is it OK for members of your family to kiss your DC, then, given the frequency with which children are abused by family members? I can't quote statistics but I would bet on it being statistically far more likely that a family member is an abuser than that a nursery worker is. So in terms of protecting them, you've got it totally the wrong way round.

HSMMaCM · 21/05/2013 07:18

My DH joined me as a CM and we agreed to continue my policies of no lip kissing and kisses/cuddles only given where they're wanted.

It would be a shame not to be able to give these small children much needed affection.

Smudging · 21/05/2013 07:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Katnisscupcake · 21/05/2013 07:33

YABincrediblyU.

DD was with a CM until she was 2 who we still see as often as we can because DD loves her and she loves DD. I insisted that she behave with DD as she does with any other child that she's had and what she felt comfortable with. Luckily for DD (and me) that included copious amounts of cuddles, hugs and kisses.

DD is now at a private pre-school where they also insist on affection for the children. There was a period where DD was a little unsettled and if they didn't spend some time cuddling her in the mornings, we may have had to pull her out.

I am dreading her starting school, because I understand that they don't give cuddles freely, although I hope I'm wrong because DD is such an affectionate little thing and I don't want that to change.

As others have said, please consider the other children at the nursery. I would be mortified as a parent, if my child was no longer cuddled because of an UNNECESSARY complaint that had been made by someone else. Sad

BrandyAlexander · 21/05/2013 08:15

160 odd posts telling you, yabu and yet you still want to lose this poor girl her job and make it uncomfortable for everyone else as well as denying other children affection. Your posts either show you are attention seeking or just "special"Hmm. In all honesty, give up work and attach yourself permanently to them just in case someone else gets close. You may want to think about home educating, you know with those pesky teachers who might give a crap about your child.Hmm Hope your dcs are not at my dcs nursery.Shock

ChunkyPickle · 21/05/2013 09:26

YABU - coldsores aside (and I'm very aware of them, and would be upset if DS got them), it's fantastic to see that the carers actually do care.

I know that DS loves his playgroup because he bounds in there, saying high to everyone, hugging their legs and getting hugged back (he's not a particularly kissy boy, but I'm sure there's some of that that goes on too), and when I go to pick him up it's usual to see him snuggled up on someone's lap (possibly that's more to do with him refusing to sit on the chairs if there's a lap available Grin).

That is the environment I want for my son - happy, loving and affectionate.

If you don't trust the carers to give him a kiss and a cuddle how on earth can you trust them to look after him all day?

ArbitraryUsername · 21/05/2013 09:33

I would have absolutely no problem with the nursery staff kissing him. He loves his teachers at nursery, and tells me all about how he was having cuddles with X (his favourite member of staff). Physical affection is a good thing, and helps young children in so many ways.

Male or female, I would not be bleating on about 'sexual predators'. If I were worried about that, I certainly wouldn't leave DS2 in their care. I think you are buying into a hyped up moral panic more than anything else. Frank Furedi has written a book about 'paranoid parenting' that you might find helpful...

TheWildBeastofPontypandy · 21/05/2013 20:14

OP, YABVU. In fact, I wonder if this is a wind up.

TheBreastmilksOnMe · 21/05/2013 20:23

Both my children DS 4 and DD 2 go to nursery 4 days a week and the staff are lovely, my dd is a very affectionate + tactile child and wraps herself around her key worker who in turn tickles, cuddles + smothers her in kisses (on her cheeks and head) whilst she giggles + clearly loves it.

I love that she feels loved in and out of the home and would never have an issue with it.

I'm wondering if you are maybe feeling a touch jealous/ envious of the fact your child may be getting affection from another key person in their life. Which can be understandable but you really have to put your feelings aside and focus on what's best for your child. What harm can it possibly do? The risk of coldsores when there is no coldsore present is nil and wouldn't that need a kiss on the lips?

I do think you are worrying unecessarily and can do a lot of damage by complaining.

SoupDragon · 22/05/2013 07:10

No sign of the OP since Monday night?

File me under U for Unsurprised.

Gunznroses · 22/05/2013 07:31

How cold and calculating! So you stood there watching your dc keyworker slobbering (whatever that is) all over your dc and kissing him for 5 minutes, then he was handed back to you, you probably smiled and pretended to walk off happily with dc and said goodbye.

Then in a mad rage decided to report the keyworker (who probably adores your dc) for possible molestation just to ruin her or in your mind "help others" Shock i don't think i've come across such an evil Plot in all my time on MN. What a nasty vindictive person you are.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 22/05/2013 09:59

I find this thread incredibly sad. It serves no purpose than to make everyone feel that showing and affection to a child is not seen as just being kind and caring but as being some kind of pervert.

It's impossible not to smile or tickle or blow raspberries or play with toddlers who are in your care. And even if its on a bus or train. And they talk to u , you can't not talk back. I've been hugged by many a random child that's sat next to me on a crowded bus. They have their whole lives to learn the world can be a dark scary place they don't need to learn that at two. Their mums are with them.

If the op has ever taken a friends child to school or been left with another child in the play ground cos the mums had to dash then she knows full well that even at school age and even when ur not their mum they still run up for that kiss and cuddle before they line up.

I hope nursery laugh it off because that poor woman's career is about to be ruined after this :(

GrandPoohBah · 28/05/2013 16:45

For the record: you writing a letter to the nursery is not you changing things on behalf of those who are standing around doing nothing. You aren't doing anyone a favour, please do not delude yourself. This is you having an issue with something that is completely normal and the majority of people have no problems with, as demonstrated by this thread.

I'm presuming, given your preoccupation with child abuse, that you don't allow anyone beside yourself to be alone with your child? As the overwhelming majority of cases are people known to or within the family?