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Original poster

Carers kissing children??

203 replies

Magic69 · 20/05/2013 19:29

Hi there I wanted to ask mummies how they feel about childrens key workers kissing the children.

My son's key worker met him at the annual summer fete and she picked him up lovingly and for a good 5 mintues slobbered on him, kissing him endlessly on both cheeks.

I was shocked......i didnt say anything at the time (kicking myself) but i am thinking of writing an official complaint to the nursery manager.

I felt it was inappropriate, not to mention cold sores. I personally would never kiss another child, and if i were to i couldnt slober on them incessently...surly a peck would have sufficed?

does anyone see where i am coming from?

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Original poster
Magic69 · 20/05/2013 21:44

thanks BabyStone....finally, someone who understands where I am coming from.

I had thought my nursery had the same restrictions....but it doesnt seem so. which is why I want to write the letter.

Its sad people on here think that children cant be well looked after, loved and cherished- without being drowned in kisses ever so often

Hugs and cuddles are suffice....children can still grow up to become wonderful people with hugs alone.

OP posts:
Tanith · 20/05/2013 21:46

We actually don't know whether or not women are as likely to be sexual predators. That argument is, however, beside the point.

People are less likely to be sexual predators, as a matter of fact. Most are caring, loving individuals who would regard with horror any suggestion that their spontaneous show of affection toward a child they care for had sinister overtones.

Rather like your child's key worker, I expect.

I'm a childminder working with my husband, by the way. He kisses and cuddles the children in our care, too.

OrganixAddict · 20/05/2013 21:47

Won't echo all the comments about looking for displays of affection when choosing childcare but to answer to your question about what if it was a man - dd2 has a male reception teacher. I have seen him kiss her (on top of her head) when she was upset. It made me feel very happy that he seemed to genuinely care for and want to comfort her.
Same dd has also napped at lunchtime on the knee of a male LSA - again glad my summer-born baby had someone and somewhere she felt comfortable enough to sleep if that was what she needed.

ReetPetit · 20/05/2013 21:47

oh my goodness Magic - i can't believe you wrote on here asking for opinions, too get loads, only to then turn around and say you are writing the letter anyway! Shock

you are going to make yourself a complete laughing stock. None of the staff will ever want to deal with you again and i feel sorry for your ds, they will all be too scared to go anywhere near him.

i'm very surprised you are even using a nursery tbh.

you really do sound quite strange in your thinking - are you depressed perhaps? it can make people paranoid....

KneeDeepInDaisies · 20/05/2013 21:48

Fair enough Magic, I thought it best to ask.

If you feel that strongly I suggest you remove your DS from nursery but please consider the opinions you have been given here or have a chat with someone in RL re writing that letter.

You have no grounds for any suspicion of abuse bar the fact that it made You feel uncomfortable. You could quite easily ruin the nursery worker's career for nothing Hmm

I would also suggest talking to a GP or HV re anxiety issues. Yes, we all want to protect our children against abuse,etc but I think your posts suggest you may need to talk to someone professionally.

WouldBeHarrietVane · 20/05/2013 21:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dribbleface · 20/05/2013 21:49

Ok, going against the grain here but if you genuinely believe that the affection you saw was that inappropriate you should raise it. However your first post seems to me that you just had an issue with the kissing rather than the whole level of affection.

My nursery, we kiss, cuddle and love the children
some of our full timers are at nursery awake more hours than at home, lack of affection would be extremely damaging.

Fightlikeagirl · 20/05/2013 21:50

I am very very glad that none of mindees parents share your views!!!

Poor nursery manager,
Poor childcare worker.
And your poor ds.

TiggyD · 20/05/2013 21:50

Hmmm. I'm thinking the OP's Mummy and Daddy only ever shook her hand when she was young.

I'm a male nursery worker. I avoid kissing the children because firstly, I don't want to be accused of being a paedophile, and secondly, children eat bogies. (and sometimes ladybirds)

I do still give medical kisses if there's no way out of it.

ReetPetit · 20/05/2013 21:50

Agree with KneeDeep - postnatal depression springs to mind... Sad

Lioninthesun · 20/05/2013 21:51

In your OP you said she WAS his key worker Hmm
Fishy how you pick and choose on that.
FWIW DD's key worker will be male as of July, and I am PLEASED and HOPE that he is affectionate with her.
As a mother with a nearly 2yo myself who is also in nursery 2 half days a week I personally think you smell like a mum who doesn't want her DC's to bond with another 'mummy figure'.

Original poster
Magic69 · 20/05/2013 21:53

People are less likely to be sexual predators, as a matter of fact. Most are caring, loving individuals ...
-----------

I am sure they are......but you never know because once it happens, it happened.....too late for the 'if only i had known'

Most sexual predators are never caught and to be cautious is the least one can do...the worker who was kissing my son....i dont know her, like i said she is not his key worker but one of the carers. I dont know anything about her....if anything i have only seen her a few times, hardly enough to conclude that she has a right to smother him with kisses.

I am sure there are many lovely male carers....none at my childrens nursery sadly, but i am sure they are great- but in my experience, people always jump on the male sexual predator bandwagon without consider the risk women pose, just because women are seem in a more maternal light.

But thanks everyone for your contribution and for responding, especially those who gave personal insight into their children's carers. I appreciate it. Smile

OP posts:
Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 20/05/2013 21:55

If you are writing this letter you really need to back it up with something other than "she kissed my ds"

This is someone's career we are talking about not to mention their income , she may have family dependant on her money and her working Pre school hours.

Mud sticks, and you better be sure because you could ruin everything for her and all the other children at the nursery who won't get hugs and kisses anymore.

PattieOfurniture · 20/05/2013 21:55

But you said in your op she was your sons key worker Hmm

Thurlow · 20/05/2013 21:56

Oh my god.

Words almost fail more. Your poor DC.

You are obviously not happy with your DC being in childcare - why are they there?

My CM's husband hugs and kisses DD all the time. I don't think he's hatched a cunning plan to convince his wife to become a CM so that he has ready access to kids. He's just a nice man who offers the young kids in his house affection.

Seriously, OP, if this isn't a wind-up, I really do think you need some help with your idea of the threats in the world.

ReetPetit · 20/05/2013 21:57

she has a right to smother him with kisses.

this says a lot about you op - it's about you feeling displaced and threatend.

ok, you have only see her a couple of times, but your ds spends time with her when he is at nursery and clearly knows her - this threatens you, doesn't it?

Seriously, if this woman was a paedophile, do you think she would pick your ds up and kiss him on his cheeks in front of you at a nursery fete???

think about this rationally op.... Confused

Original poster
Magic69 · 20/05/2013 21:59

ps- i havent got postnatal issues and i love my children very much- i will not apologise for that.

i feel i am doing whats right....at the end of the day, thats all i can do.

Some nurseries have a policy on kissing children....i thought mine did, i suppose the letter is just to address that. There wouldnt be restrictions for nothing.....if there are policies then it should be upheld.

If the care worker is not abiding by nursery policies, then its her doing not mine-

OP posts:
Tanith · 20/05/2013 22:00

Op, you are taking caution to the point where you could damage your child's emotional well-being and ruin an innocent person's career. It's an attitude more likely to cause harm than good.

KneeDeepInDaisies · 20/05/2013 22:01

I don't think anyone is going to persuade you to not write that letter. Hmm
I don't think you really believe that this worker is abusing your child.

If you did I think you would have reported it already instead of coming on a Internet forum.

Just find another nursery where they don't kiss.

Selba · 20/05/2013 22:02

OP listen to everyone on this thread.
YOU ARE IN THE WRONG

ReetPetit · 20/05/2013 22:02

it was at a fete op!! you didn't walk in to the nursery and find her kissing him - it was right in front of you!!

you sound unhinged tbh.

zippey · 20/05/2013 22:03

Dont make it official and write the letter. It will end up with you looking foolish. Why dont you just ask the person giving affection to your child to refrain from doing so. Dont make this a crusade. It is a silly crusade.

Lioninthesun · 20/05/2013 22:04

She clearly has a bit of a vendetta for the woman who cares so much for her DS.
Seems she actively wants to cause issues from nothing.
No point posting any more. I hope one day you will have some remorse for hurting this woman and ensuring none of the workers feel able to genuinely touch your DS again Hmm

Original poster
Magic69 · 20/05/2013 22:04

she has a right to smother him with kisses

this says a lot about you op - it's about you feeling displaced and threatend

--------

i dont feel threatened...like i mentioned, cold sores and skin infections come to mind. I dont mind people kissing my son- my mother, my sister, my in laws...etc

Seriously, if this woman was a paedophile, do you think she would pick your ds up and kiss him on his cheeks in front of you at a nursery fete???

---------

well you seem to know what paedophiles do and will not do....so u tell me.

Like i mentioned...female predators are loving, they kiss, cuddle and are closelt associated with the children- mothers, carers, babysitters...etc

it might seem like a small thing, but if u work with victims of abuse you will do what u can to protect your children

OP posts:
Original poster
Magic69 · 20/05/2013 22:05

Why dont you just ask the person giving affection to your child to refrain from doing so.
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I think this sounds like an idea.....

OP posts: