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Original poster

Carers kissing children??

203 replies

Magic69 · 20/05/2013 19:29

Hi there I wanted to ask mummies how they feel about childrens key workers kissing the children.

My son's key worker met him at the annual summer fete and she picked him up lovingly and for a good 5 mintues slobbered on him, kissing him endlessly on both cheeks.

I was shocked......i didnt say anything at the time (kicking myself) but i am thinking of writing an official complaint to the nursery manager.

I felt it was inappropriate, not to mention cold sores. I personally would never kiss another child, and if i were to i couldnt slober on them incessently...surly a peck would have sufficed?

does anyone see where i am coming from?

OP posts:
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cheeseandpineapple · 20/05/2013 22:06

Sounds like the nursery worker was a bit OTT but better to be affectionate than aloof which is the danger if you write to the nursery to complain - all the carers might be nervous about crossing your boundaries and might become less affectionate with your son which would be a shame for your son and potentially confusing for him.

If you are determined to write please be subtle and discreet ie don't name the worker, just say it was something you observed and whilst you think it's lovely for children to feel affection through hugs, your concern about kissing on the face is spread of germs or some such blah and ask if your request can be passed on, on a general "no names" basis to staff, to minimise any negative impact to your son.

ReetPetit · 20/05/2013 22:06

if you have issues of your own op, maybe from your past, then you need to deal with them - don't drag your dc down with your issues...

PearlyWhites · 20/05/2013 22:09

How dare she be affectionate and genuinely care about your child. You must get yourself of mumsnet and write a letter of complaint at once.
Have a Brew and Biscuit while you write the letter.

valiumredhead · 20/05/2013 22:09

I will write the letter and let management know how i feel- afterall, it takes one person to speak up to make a difference. If everyone kept quiet then things will go on and it is just not right

Kept quiet about her showing affection? Or are you actually accusing her of something sinister? Sad

TiggyD just so you know, I'm my head you are a scatty, 40 something woman, not a male nursery worker!!

5madthings · 20/05/2013 22:09

Ofgs you miserable person, she was being kind ams friendly, you should be pleased she obviously cares for your child.

And do make your mind up, you say in your op she is your sons key worker and then you say she isn't, which is it?!!

Uabvvvu

PattieOfurniture · 20/05/2013 22:12

So in your opinion, care workers are allowed to give cuddles but kisses go too far and it might actually make them abuse your child?
This is the message I'm getting from your posts anyway

cheeseandpineapple · 20/05/2013 22:13

Please don't confront the worker directly! If you hint at what you're basically saying on this thread, it could get messy, she may take offence at what you're insinuating and it could all end up spiralling which would be a shame for your son.

Assume he is happy at nursery and enjoys going?

RubyrooUK · 20/05/2013 22:13

Do you work with victims of abuse, OP?

It's just that this focus on paedophilia seems quite pronounced. It wouldn't occur to me that someone who cares for my DS showing him affection was inappropriate. I'm afraid I simply assume my PFB is as irresistibly cute to the nursery staff as to me. Grin

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 20/05/2013 22:14

Wasn't there a similar thread a while back about a gay male key worker who used to play fight with the children. This seems very similar.

ChippingInLovesSpring · 20/05/2013 22:15

I think you should go and see your GP - your reaction is not 'normal' (as you can see by the replies) and you sound very insecure & paranoid.

The other alternative is not send any of them to nursery & home school if you are going to be this paranoid and cause this much trouble for staff who are just being loving & caring.

shallweshop · 20/05/2013 22:16

OP you are very sad indeed and I feel sorry for your DC that you are going to complain about someone showing genuine affection for him. Cold sores/germs/child abuse??? world's gone mad!

FunnysInLaJardin · 20/05/2013 22:17

my CM kisses and cuddles both my boys. I am very happy about that. As I am happy about the fact that they call me 'Mandy oh no Mummy' most of the time. She obv loves and cares for them very much

ClocksInALine · 20/05/2013 22:19

Evil worker. Stone her. How dare she show affection and kiss your child. Even eye contact is too much - she might be getting thrills from it. If your child falls and hurts their she should step over them in future, hugging is for them peedos innit.

SchroSawMargeryDaw · 20/05/2013 22:23

If this woman was a sexual predator I very much doubt she would have kissed and cuddled him in front of you.

It's bloody depressing that kisses on the cheek can be automatically interpreted as a sign that someone is a paedophile.

In real life they are much more devious than that.

FunnysInLaJardin · 20/05/2013 22:23

oh OP you are barking. Maybe be a SAHM? That way there are no sexual perverts waiting at every corner to molest your DC

chipmonkey · 20/05/2013 22:24

You seem a bit obsessed with female sexual predators. Because, you know , there's one on every corner Hmm

trixymalixy · 20/05/2013 22:29

One of the things I liked about DD's nursery was the affection shown to the kids by the staff.

YABU and a bit bonkers.

GColdtimer · 20/05/2013 22:30

OP every single person on this thread has said donot write that letter. Does that not tell you something? That perhaps you might be wrong?

nomoreminibreaks · 20/05/2013 22:32

I agree it would be a shame to complain - I'd hate to think my son's key worker would stop being affectionate because another parent had complained. DS is very affectionate and loves giving out kisses and cuddles and I'm really happy that they feel comfortable enough to let it happen. Feeling like his carers really care about him is the most important attribute in a nursery to me.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 20/05/2013 22:34

My son's key worker met him at the annual summer fete and she picked him up lovingly and for a good 5 mintues slobbered on him, kissing him endlessly on both cheeks.

the worker who was kissing my son....i dont know her, like i said she is not his key worker but one of the carers. I dont know anything about her....if anything i have only seen her a few times, hardly enough to conclude that she has a right to smother him with kisses.

Which version is true OP? Was she his key worker or not?

Lioninthesun · 20/05/2013 22:35

Wind up, surely?

TiggyD · 20/05/2013 22:38

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can ignore everybody on a thread
And all of the advice they give you that
You are completely wrong with everything you have said
You won't be a man my Son, you'll just be a prat!

PatriciaHolm · 20/05/2013 22:39

If you are seriously harbouring concerns that one of your children's nursery workers is a paedophile, why are you still taking him there? Or are you not actual serious about that bit and hysterically trying to justify your kiss phobia?

You are massively, massively overreacted and not looking at this logically at all. Your comments about paedophiles are random and slightly concerning; do you see everyone as a potential child abuser? How on earth are you going to cope with sending your child to school, where there will be lots of teachers and adults you don't know, even- shock - men?

nannynick · 20/05/2013 22:43

mummies how they feel about childrens key workers kissing the children.

I am not a mummy (or even a daddy) but I am a bloke and I work with children and have worked in nurseries.

I feel it would be in appropriate for me to kiss a child. A hug I feel is acceptable. I would not go around kissing children... it's too risky and it's not in my nature to do it. Maybe it is in this particular persons nature to do it and the children in their care know that and are used to that.

Maybe the nursery should look at it's Safeguarding Children Policy and consider if plastering a child with lots of kisses is appropriate.

Children should be able to decide for themselves who they will kiss, cuddle. They should not be made to do those things against their will. So how the child reacted I feel is important, was it against their will?

Yodeleeiay · 20/05/2013 22:43

Magic, please do consider all the other children at the nursery. Going by this thread, 99% of parents actively like their DCs to be kissed by their carers, not just hugged. If you write a letter and the nursery feels it has to change policies, then all the other children will be unwillingly affected.

If, even after reading all this thread, you still feel you have to do something, maybe speak directly to the kissing carer, keep it brief and stress your general germ-phobia so she doesn't feel accused of being a half-out-the-closet paedophile. I hope you don't you don't have to do this though, she will feel v Sad. But hopefully also think you are a bit mad.

You could consider explaining to your DS too that you've told the carer to stop kissing him so he knows it's your fault she's stopped and doesn't think she doesn't like him any more.

I don't agree with you but if you have to take action hope to mitigate the harm it does.